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Never Go Back: 10 Things You'll Never Do Again Paperback – December 30, 2014
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Everyone makes mistakes, big and small. Sometimes our mistakes take us down the wrong path and send us spiraling into destructive life patterns, and sometimes we learn our lesson and never make the same mistake again. But how? How do we recognize destructive patterns, make new choices, and then follow through?
In Never Go Back, bestselling author Dr. Henry Cloud shares ten doorways to success—and once we walk through these new pathways, we never go back again. His proven method—based on grace, not guilt—outlines ten common life patterns that sabotage success and lays out clear, concrete steps you can take to overcome them. You’ll see your relationships flourish, your personal life enhanced, and your faith strengthened. Dr. Cloud’s powerful message reveals doorways to understanding—once you enter them, you will get from where you were to where you want to be.
With a winning combination of eternal principles, spiritual wisdom, and modern scientific data, Never Go Back will put your heart in the right place with yourself and with God.
- Print length272 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- Publication dateDecember 30, 2014
- Dimensions5.5 x 0.6 x 8.38 inches
- ISBN-101451669313
- ISBN-13978-1451669312
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About the Author
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
I remember the moment like it was yesterday. I was sitting on my patio after I had found out that one of my businesses was in very serious trouble. I had hired someone to run it who, for close to a year, had given me strong and positive reports. I had no reason to think anything was amiss . . . until that morning.
He came into my office and told me that we needed a big infusion of cash to meet upcoming obligations. I was shocked. Everything he had been telling me had put me in the mind-set of expecting a big payoff in the near term, not the necessity of a cash infusion—and certainly not one of the size he was asking for. What the heck had happened?
I went into fire-drill mode and uncovered the truth by late afternoon. Suffice it to say, much of what he had been telling me was not true. We were not making money at all; rather, we had been losing money and were in big trouble. And worse, most of the business that he had told me was in the pipeline and secure for the next twelve months was not real. The reports he’d been giving me were more about what he had planned than about reality. Bottom line: The business was in the red and had little revenue set up for the next year. I was devastated.
So that night I went outside on my porch to sit and think and talk to God. That is when it happened. The phone rang, and when I answered it, my heart sank. It was one of my business mentors, a man who had been an immense help to me since I had first begun and who had poured much time and energy into me over several years. He was enormously successful in numerous industries. It seemed that everything he did worked, and he was the last person I wanted to talk to at my moment of failure. How could I tell him how stupid I had been to allow this to happen? He was going to fire me as a student for sure. I did not want to talk to him. Only loyalty and gratitude kept me from saying, “Sorry . . . no one here by that name,” and hanging up.
“What’s happening?” he asked, just checking in.
“Well . . . a lot. And it’s not good,” I said.
“What? What’s going on?” he asked.
“I have a horrible situation . . .” I began. “I have really, really screwed up.” I went from there to tell him the story and the situation I was in because I’d hired the wrong person and hadn’t been fully aware of what was going on in my business. I felt so foolish, so na?ve . . . and just dumb. It was horrible to have to listen to myself relay it.
When I finished the story, the phone was silent. It was probably only a handful of seconds, but it seemed like an eternity. All I could think was that he was going to fry me for being so stupid. Then he said it:
“Well . . . we’ve all been there.”
“What?” A bit stunned, I thought I’d misheard him. “We?” That sounded as if he had done the same thing himself, and that was certainly not possible. Everything he did always seemed to turn out great. What did he mean?
“Been where?” I asked.
“Made that very mistake,” he said. “Hired the wrong person or did a deal with the wrong partner, should have seen it coming, and paid dearly for it.”
“You’ve done that?” I was having a hard time believing my ears.
“Absolutely,” he said. “Anyone who has ever built anything or done anything significant has made that mistake. We’ve all had to learn that one.”
But what he said next was the real zinger:
“But the good thing is that once you learn that lesson, you never go back. You never do it again.”
That phrase never go back caught my attention, as I knew that I didn’t want to repeat what I had done ever again. I didn’t want to entrust something important—like my business—to someone unworthy of that trust ever again. My friend had my attention. The phrase “never go back” resonated.
And it is now the subject of this book—Never Go Back: 10 Things You’ll Never Do Again.
“Never go back.” Never return to what didn’t work. What does that mean? I came to see that the essence of it is this:
There are certain awakenings that people have—in life and in business—that once they have them, they never go back to the old way of doing things. And when that happens, they are never the same. In short, they got it.
That was years ago. From there, I began to be very interested in two things in my work as a clinical psychologist and leadership coach. First, what are key awakenings that successful people go through that forever change how they do things and that propel them to succeed in business, relationships, and life? Identifying these keys could change lives significantly.
And second, once we intellectually understand what we should never do again, how do we actually change? It’s one thing to “understand”; it’s quite another to live out that understanding. Unfortunately, we humans often repeat the same mistakes over and over again. How do we stop?
In this book, we will look at these two questions:
1. What are some of the key awakenings that successful people experience?
2. How do we implement in life what we intellectually understand?
In my experience, both of these are key. In working with people who are highly successful in their personal and business lives, I have found that the answers to these questions are essential to completing the picture. Some people have learned how to implement change but cannot see the life-patterns that are holding them back and keeping them from fruitfulness. In this book, we will clearly identify destructive patterns and behaviors that you’ll never want to go back to.
Other people understand what they need to awaken to, but don’t know how to translate that understanding into new life-patterns. In this book, I’ll show you how.
An “Old, Unpopular, Religious, Negative” Word That Will Change Your Life
When I first got the idea for this book, I wanted to title it I Repent! My desire was to revive this old religious term that gets a bad rap. But I kept getting negative reactions to the idea. I’d literally hear things like . . .
“Gross!”
“Too negative.”
“Sounds like an old angry preacher with white hair yelling at me. I would never read that book.”
“Terrible. Too negative. I would never pick it up.”
But then I would explain what the book is about. . . . “It’s really cool. It is about certain realizations that successful people have in life, and once they ‘get it,’ they never go back to seeing or doing things the old way. A shift occurs in them that leads to lasting change in key areas of life, such as happiness, relationships, and business. I like to think of it as a kind of ‘mental puberty.’ In physical puberty your body changes and you go through doorways never to come back. There is a permanent shift in body and mind. The pubescent youth literally changes.
“The same is true with our psychological, personal, and business growth. When we go through certain doorways of understanding, we never go back to our old way of seeing things,” I said. “People who are happy, successful, and have good relationships have gone through certain common awakenings. Once they get it, they are done with the old way and never go back.”
“That’s a lot more interesting than repentance,” I would hear. “I’d read that book!”
That is why you’re now reading the book Never Go Back!, formerly known in my mind as I Repent. But I do want to give it one more try with you and put a positive spin on an old negative word. “Repentance” truly is your friend, and brain research proves it. More about the research later.
True Repentance—Never Going Back—Means Understanding Reality
The response I got about an old angry preacher yelling at us pretty much illustrates the problem. People think of “repentance” as having to do with a parent, preacher, nun, or teacher scolding them and saying, “Don’t ever do that again!” It is a religious term with a lot of cultural baggage. It feels like a parent or authority figure telling you to stop doing something, and then you feel like you just have to do it. That is a problem.
The reason is this: whenever we get our backs up at a message that says we should not do something again, it shows that we are out of touch with life’s realities. Picture a parent telling a toddler to “repent” from running into the busy street. The toddler just looks at the parent as if the message or the messenger is the problem, sets his face in determination, and says, “Just watch me.” Dangerous indeed.
Such is the nature of the word “repentance.” Repentance is the adult equivalent of stopping at the curb and making sure no cars are coming before you cross the street—especially an adult who has experienced the reality of being hit by a car once before because she didn’t look. It is the realization that she does not want to do that again. It is not going to feel good. It felt really bad last time and it will feel bad again. And the realization of and commitment to that reality are stronger than the need, desire, or impulse to do it; so we are forever changed. We are no longer people who run into the street or hire the wrong person when we knew better—losing a lot of money, time, and energy in the process. We have repented, or literally “changed our mind and turned away” from that way of doing life. That is what the word actually means. In another word, we experience growth. Or maturity. Or better yet, wisdom.
I would love to see myself and the people I care about and work with have realizations every day and begin saying, “I repent! I will never do that again!” and mean it. That would indicate that we see the word as the positive force it truly is: a gift from God.
But, human as we are, I won’t try to force the word “repent” on you. You can call it something else if you want. What I will try to do is to help you to see the power of “getting it,” which means really, really, really changing your mind about some key realities that are keeping you from what you want out of life—personally or professionally—and turning from them. Whatever you call it is okay with me. I think “repent” is cool, but “never go back” is okay, too.
So in the first part of this book, we’ll explore ten key realizations about behaviors and thought patterns that hold us back and keep us from our goals. When you actually “get” the principles in the first part of the book, and then implement the helps you’ll find in the second part, you will never want to go back to your old ways—you will be forever different. You will never again . . .
1. Return to what hasn’t worked
2. Do anything that requires you to be someone else
3. Try to change another person
4. Believe that you can please everyone
5. Choose short-term comfort over long-term benefit
6. Trust someone or something flawless
7. Take your eyes off the big picture
8. Neglect to do due diligence
9. Fail to ask why you are where you are
10. Forget that your inner life produces your outer success
The above are realizations that successful people live by. And successful people all got where they are the same way. In every area of life, successful people change and grow into success via a predictable path that both experience and research document, and that the Bible describes and commands. They understand the very real consequences of doing things in an unproductive way; they “get it” in a way that transforms them, and they never go back to doing it the old way. The key realizations for success in all areas of life and the pathway to implementing those realizations are what you will learn about in this book.
So if “repent” rubs you the wrong way, then let’s turn away from ways that don’t work, and “never go back.” Let’s hop into them.
Product details
- Publisher : Howard Books; Reprint edition (December 30, 2014)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 272 pages
- ISBN-10 : 1451669313
- ISBN-13 : 978-1451669312
- Item Weight : 7.7 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.5 x 0.6 x 8.38 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #205,837 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #2,009 in Christian Self Help
- #2,449 in Christian Personal Growth
- #5,095 in Christian Spiritual Growth (Books)
- Customer Reviews:
About the author
Dr. Cloud is a New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestselling author, and his books have sold nearly 20 million copies. His leadership book, Integrity, was dubbed by the New York Times as "the best book in the bunch." In 2011, Necessary Endings was called "the most important book you read all year." His book "Boundaries For Leaders" was named by CEO Reads in the top five leadership books of its year. Dr. Cloud's work has been featured and reviewed by the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Boston Globe, Publisher's Weekly, Los Angeles Times, and many other publications. Success Magazine named Dr. Cloud in the top 25 most influential leaders in personal growth and development, alongside Oprah, Brene Brown, Seth Godin and others. He is a frequent contributor to CNN, Fox News Channel, and other national media outlets.
In his leadership consulting practice, Dr. Cloud works with CEOs, Fortune 500 companies and smaller private businesses alike. He has an extensive executive coaching background, and experience as a leadership consultant, devoting the majority of his time working with CEOs, leadership teams and executives to improving performance, leadership skills, and culture. He also has a specialty in high net worth family offices.
His experience includes three decades as a consultant, and as an entrepreneur he started and grew a successful chain of treatment centers in over 40 cities across the western United States. His experience running a business of this magnitude lends credibility to his expertise on leadership matters in the companies with which he works.As a speaker, Dr. Cloud has shared the stage with many business and global leaders and experts, such as Tony Blair, Jack Welch, Condoleezza Rice, Desmond Tutu, President George Bush, Marcus Buckingham, Magic Johnson, Peyton Manning and many others.Dr. Cloud is a graduate of Southern Methodist University, with a B.S. in psychology. He completed his Ph.D. in clinical psychology at Biola University, and his clinical internship at Los Angeles County Department of Mental Health. His philanthropic interests lie in homelessness in the inner city, as well as missions in the developing world. He lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Tori, and their two daughters, Olivia and Lucy. He enjoys golf, scuba diving, boating and fishing.
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First 3 things successful people do:
1. They never go back to what has failed unless something has truly changed or is significantly different. They don't go back to an old way of doing things, an old company or an old relationship, unless something significant has changed or is different to merit going forward with that person, company or project.
2. They never try to change another person. They know they cannot force anyone to change. The person has to be motivated to change or have consequences or purpose that are meaningful to the person in order to change. As leaders, they can set up the environment to allow those who want to reach specific rewards. The person with the inner drive will move towards changing their own lives. Person without that drive or without the right motivation will not move towards change. Successful leaders accept this. Great idea for healthy relationships between spouses or within other context of family relationships also!
3. They do not try to please everyone. When you succeed, some will like how you did it, and some won't. Focus on pleasing the humble, loving, encouraging, broken before God people.Don't waste energy on negative critics who are not solutions focused!
Can't wait to read the rest of the book to gain deep practical insights I can apply to my life as well as help my clients to improve their personal and corporate performance results!
Dr. Cloud has an introductory webinar to this book. Recorded replay available via link on webinarjam or drcloud site. The following link might work or not: [...]
I am glad Dr Cloud shows how instead of just telling the reader to change.
The anecdotes used to illustrate the points and the scriptures are on point .
I am glad I read it just before the new year . I will definitely keep going back for reference.
We have: returned to what hasn’t worked, done things that require us to be someone we’re not, tried to change another person, believed that we can please everyone, trusted someone or something that seemed perfect, or haven’t done due diligence or done one of the other behaviors named in the book.
All of the ten lessons he identified and his advice for not repeating them are practical and realistic. They deal with what most of us face. He includes both secular and biblical research.
I especially liked his advice: “There is a reason it did not work. If you are going back make very sure that the reason is no longer there.” He stressed the need for verifiable, tangible change so that one is going forward, not backward. I liked his idea of looking for what’s real and good instead of what’s perfect and ideal.
I can’t think of a person who wouldn’t benefit from not only reading, but studying and implementing Dr. Cloud’s advice.