Two Evansville women survived domestic violence. Their stories are very different

EVANSVILLE, Ind. — Domestic violence police reports have gone down in recent years, Evansville police say, but women's shelters are still hitting maximum capacity.

Gina Gist, executive director of Albion Fellows Bacon Center in Evansville, said they have seen an increase of cases since the COVID-19 pandemic began.

"We have been full since the stay-at-home order," she said.

Domestic violence can be defined as a number of things, but for two women who spoke to the Courier & Press, their experiences couldn’t be more different.

Sarah Nernberger

For Sarah Nernberger, her relationship with her boyfriend seemed perfect. Until he started hitting her.

It wasn’t until he almost strangled her to death in January 2019 that she decided it was time to leave, she said.

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“He had assaulted me many times, but it kept growing in severity throughout the year that I dated him. And so it came to the point that day in January, it was pretty severe,” Nernberger said.

“For whatever reason that day I just felt a strength when I was laying there that just told me this was wrong. ‘It's not OK, this is different. You need to get out now,'" she said. “I went to my sister's house when he finally let me go. He was screaming at me to leave, (and) of course I absolutely left."

Her boyfriend was eventually arrested on battery, criminal confinement, strangulation and intimidation charges. And he added another charge when he reportedly tried to escape authorities during transit to the jail, she said.

Nernberger was introduced to the Albion Fellows Bacon Center when she went to get a no-contact restraining order.

“I thought about it and I was trying to go back and forth whether I wanted to call or not. I didn't have any experiences growing up with domestic violence. I didn't really know what the resources were," she said. "I was a little bit kind of in denial at that time at first."

An advocate stayed by her side at every court hearing. The case took a year to settle, with the trial being scheduled three times.

“Trauma and healing is not linear. So it's up and down and up and down and all over the place and you can still have setbacks," she said. "That was definitely a roller coaster of a year because just when you felt powerful and good things were happening, then he would file some other kinds of charge to try to get something else dropped or the trial would get reset and then that was kind of like a negative and kind of put me back down well again."

“To me, it was the point that I wanted to be present so that he knew and felt my presence. That I wasn't backing down and I was going to put up a fight and I was going to take a stand against him.”

Nernberger now advocates for Albion at events.

“Without these agencies in the community, I don't know where Evansville would be because we have these things happen every day in our community and there's so much of it that people don't realize is going on," she said. "Because a lot of that is hidden or not reported."

Serina Crow

In 2005, Serina Crow got married at the age of 19. But she soon noticed something was off when her husband didn't like her spending time with other people besides him.

When she brought it up to her husband's family, they just brushed it off.

“They were like, ‘oh, you know, that's not that big of a deal’,” Crow said. “It was a lot more ... mental and sexual abuse. And there was some physical abuse, but it's not anything that would be like, 'oh, I need to call the cops.'”

Crow said her ex-husband would make her do drugs to comply for sex. And later, he used that against her to take custody of her kids.

“I never wanted to use drugs," she said. "I was manipulated and forced into using."

In 2011, she went to Brentwood Springs for help.

“He'd given me an ultimatum and it was because I had finally gotten to the point that I couldn't do it anymore. And in 2019 I was either going to just wither away and die or kill myself because I just couldn't I couldn't anymore," she said. "I have a lot of my own health issues physically, and the drugs took a huge toll on my body. Always did. And he told me ... I either needed to get up and be the wife that I was supposed to be and leave without my children or go into a mental facility."

“While I have my own issues and my own demons, I'm not a drug addict, nor was any of it my fault.”

She tried to leave her ex-husband a few times, but went back for her children. Her divorce was finalized this year.

“I don't regret going back and I don't regret staying because while I was there, my kids were safe," she said. "He always told me that if I left he would take them and I would never get them. And he was right."

Crow ended up dropping her case against her ex-husband because the judge wasn't going to allow her any custody of her children, claiming that her mental health was unstable. She still doesn't have them. They live with their father and she gets to see them every other weekend.

Crow’s two children mean the world to her, she said, and she continues to fight to see them. For now she talks to them as much as possible and keeps track of their location using GPS from apps on their phones.

"But now I've got to do everything I can to try to get them back because they are not OK," Crow said. “I myself am going to try to help advocate and do things afterwards. Because the way that the system works is not meant for domestic abuse survivors at all."