After football player lost his brother to suicide, his team became his strength

Lance and Lake Hinderer will always be known as the "little boys" to their mother. 

There are three years between the brothers, but a larger gap separates them from their older siblings, Luke and London. That made it natural for them to hang out growing up. 

From the start, there were differences. The older of the two, Lance was quiet, thin and interested in individual activities like snowboarding and hunting. Lake was outgoing, stocky and gravitated toward being on a team. 

But there was common ground that kept them close. 

They went fishing together. Watched movies and the Philadelphia Eagles together. Played in the yard after school together. 

In many ways, they were best friends. 

"I would say that made our relationship better," Lake said of the differences between him and his brother. "It brought other interests in. I wasn't interested in hunting, but I would look into it because he liked it. It opened my eyes to things I might try and like."

Lake has been missing that connection for more than three years now. 

Lance died by suicide on Sept. 26, 2017, at the age of 18. He dealt with constant physical pain throughout his life from a number of ailments, including a deviated septum, back problems and severe allergies.

"It was hard to understand why my brother would leave our family like that," said Lake, who was a high school freshman at the time. "It was hard to deal with because I'd come home, and me and him would do stuff and outdoor things together. 

"It just all stopped."

Three years later, Lake said he's gotten better at handling the grief. There are good days. There are bad days. The pain has never — and will never — completely go away. 

For the entire Hinderer family, a great deal of comfort has come from the group of young men Lake plays football with. 

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Now a senior, Lake is a three-year starter at center for the Central York football team. He's been an unsung lynchpin in the offensive machine that has fueled likely the greatest high school football season in York County history. 

Lake has found more than football success with the Panthers. He's found strength, determination and the courage to come back from the biggest tragedy of his life. 

"Those kids are like brothers," said Cristi Hinderer, Lance and Lake's mother, about the football team. "I don't think they ever fight. 

"Keeping busy when you're grieving, for us as a family that was best for us. So playing a sport has definitely made it better for Lake."

This weekend, Central York will play for the PIAA Class 6A championship against St. Joseph's Prep, the first York County football team to reach a state title game. All season, the Panthers have spoken about how their friendship off the field has been an important complement to their talent on it. 

Those around the team believe the greatest testament to that bond is the support the Panthers have given to the Hinderers, starting three years ago and continuing today. 

"I feel like I wouldn't be able to do an interview like this if it wasn't for football and the friends who have made me stronger and able to push through this tragedy," Lake said. "I wouldn't be the same. I'd be a different person. 

"I'm so thankful I didn't stop playing." 

A needed escape

Lake Hinderer played organized football for the first time in kindergarten, according to his mother. 

It didn't go very well. 

"He hated putting the pads on," Cristi said. "He would complain and say, 'I hate this stupid sport.'"

"I just wasn't committed," Lake added. "I wanted to do fun stuff instead of going to practice." 

Lake soon switched to soccer, but after a few years, it became apparent his natural size and strength were going to be better fits on the football field. 

In sixth grade, he joined a Central York middle school team brimming with talent, but without a kid who was good at snapping the football. 

Lake quickly found his niche. He also found friends who pushed him to stick with the sport when it got tough. 

Following Lance's death, those same friends supported Lake in a different way. 

Lance was on life support for three days before he died. It was the middle of Lake's freshman season, and the Central team allowed him to come to practice but not participate during that time. Cristi complemented the school district for giving him additional support during that time. 

"They allowed me to be around my teammates, my brothers really, and step away from the sadness and the tragedy I was dealing with," Lake said. "And step into a new environment knowing they all had my back. I could never thank them enough." 

The entire Central York freshman team, and some of the JV and varsity, attended Lance's memorial service. Star receiver Judah Tomb's father, who works as a landscaper, reached out to the Hinderer family about planting a tree in front of their house in remembrance of Lance. 

The tree was planted that November with a number of football players — many of whom are now varsity stars — in attendance. 

Still, Lake struggled to decide that offseason if he wanted to continue playing football.

He wasn't sure if his heart was still in it after what his family had gone through. He attended offseason workouts to gauge his interest but let his teammates and coaches know he was undecided. 

Rather than pressure him to play or try to motivate him, his friends allowed him time to decide — and let him know they were there if he needed them. 

"The hardest part was I have two brothers, and I couldn't imagine that happening to me," said Cole Luckenbaugh, an outside linebacker and Lake's best friend. "We wanted to help him take his mind off it. It was hard because we wanted him to stay on the team."

"We gave him his space and wanted to be supportive whatever he chose to do," said star quarterback Beau Pribula, who played up with the freshman team as an eighth grader. "It was really heartbreaking, and we took it as a time to rally around each other. That (freshman) team is the same one we have right now, and that (situation) continued our brotherhood and how we connected. 

"I'm very thankful Lake chose to keep playing."

Ultimately, Lake decided the connections with his teammates and coaches were too important to him to give up. He returned and earned a starting spot on varsity as a sophomore. 

It helped that he had a head coach who could relate to him. 

Josh Oswalt lost his best friend to suicide his senior year of high school at Cumberland Valley. Oswalt credited Central York's players for going out of their way to help Lake, but he also made sure to check in on him regularly. 

Oswalt understood that even though he had been through his own tragedy, that didn't mean he completely understood what Lake was feeling. 

"The first thing I told him was, 'I won't tell you I know what you're going through just because I had a similar circumstance,'" said Oswalt, who left Central York to take the head coaching job at Cumberland Valley this season. "I told him there would be times when he'd be angry. Times when he'd be sad. Times when he'd question things. You go through the grieving at your own pace. I told him if he ever wanted to talk, I'd just sit here and listen. And if that didn't help, I wouldn't be upset."

Oswalt helped Cristi and the Hinderer family organize a 5K-run to raise awareness for suicide prevention. But while he said Lake did knock on his door to talk occasionally, those conversations were more about life than about Lance. 

Hinderer and Luckenbaugh will sometimes talk about Lance around the anniversary of his death, but it's not a topic that comes up often. Still, he's at peace with the knowledge that his friends are there to listen if he needs them. 

"It's a brotherhood like no other," Hinderer said. "The way we've bonded across these years of playing and even just this season, we've come together and put it all together and can see the big picture." 

Continuing the grieving process 

For the Hinderer family, grief and joy can sometimes become intertwined 

And the emotions often clash through football. 

When Central York won the District 3 title a few weeks ago, Lake looked at his family members in attendance and felt a sense of sadness. 

His mother felt the same thing when she asked Luke and London to pose for a photo with Lake and the trophy. 

"I'm sitting there cheering him on, but then when I get the siblings together I think, 'Lance would he here,'" Cristi said. "Certain things trigger that. I can have grief and joy in one emotion." 

Cristi said that in some ways, she grieves more each year as the reality continues to set in that Lance is gone and the shock wears off. She added this time of year is particularly difficult for her husband, who would typically go hunting with Lance Thanksgiving weekend. The family has left Lance's bedroom the way it always was. 

She's become an advocate for suicide awareness, and said she often speaks with families who've gone through similar tragedies. 

Lake said it's gotten a little easier to deal with his grief, though he sometimes gets flashbacks to memories of his brother. He plans to study secondary education in college, and thinks he can help students and families going through difficult times. 

"I think it's good for parents to hear his story and know your kids don't always have to show signs when it comes to depression," Lake said. "You always have to be mindful and think of your kids, or spouse or siblings." 

Going out with a great season 

Lake's football career will end when Central York's season finishes this weekend.

He's already decided not to pursue college football and to focus on his education. At 5-foot-8 and 260 pounds, he doesn't have the height to be recruited at a high level, though current Central York coach Gerry Yonchiuk thinks he would be an excellent NCAA Division III player. 

He was named a YAIAA Division I first-team all-star this season by league coaches.

"He's the leader of our offensive line and truly well-liked by the entire team," Yonchiuk said. "He runs well, he pass sets well and plays with confidence. I don't think he's had a bad snap in the shotgun all season. He's so valuable at center we don't play him on defense, because he'd be a heck of a defensive lineman."

"People think the QB is the brain of the offense, but he's as much of the brain as I am and he's our heart and soul," Pribula added. "With his smarts and understanding, he makes my job a lot easier."

Hinderer admitted he's started to get sad thinking about how his time playing with his best friends is coming to an end. But he's grateful for the opportunities he's had this season, especially during the coronavirus pandemic. 

When he takes the field for the last time, Lance won't be far from his mind. 

"We're not done yet," Hinderer said with a smile. "Sometimes I'll be thinking, I wish he was here to see us hold up that district trophy ... 

Lake paused for a moment, sighed and wiped his eyes, then smiled again. 

"He's looking down on us, and I know he's proud of us. I know I can't see his face or talk to him about it, but I know he's proud." 

Resources for help

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

The Veterans Crisis Line: 1-800-273-8255 (Press 1)

Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 to get connected to a crisis counselor.

Matt Allibone is a sports reporter for GameTimePA. He can be reached at 717-881-8221, mallibone@ydr.com or on Twitter at @bad2theallibone.