She gave birth to her rapist's child, then tried to sever his parental rights in Pa. The law was not on her side.

The first time M.E. was raped by the man she believed was her father, she was a preschooler.

She became pregnant for the first time with his child while she was a high school senior. 

She was 23 and mother to two children when she gathered the courage to go to police with her story of decades of sexual abuse.

It took authorities two years to convict the man in two states. It took twice as long for M.E. to terminate her rapist's parental rights in Pennsylvania, a state where the courts required women who conceive a child by rape or incest to have a replacement adoptive parent lined up first.

M.E.'s four-year legal battle, which ended only after a state appeals court ruled in her favor, inspired unanimous approval in the state Legislature to close an "archaic" loophole in Pennsylvania's Adoption Act. 

The existing law undermined the safety and well-being of victims and their children, Republican House Majority Leader Rep. Kerry Benninghoff wrote in his co-sponsorship memo for his bill that Gov. Tom Wolf has pledged to sign into law when it comes before him.

“Not only are you forced to relive the trauma of your sexual assault, you are denied the right to raise that child on your own and are forced to prove there is another person in your life with an intention to adopt your child,” Benninghoff said.

Women’s rights advocates contend that existing wording in the state Adoption Act governing parental termination tethers rape victims and their children to violent offenders.

Rape-related pregnancies — like the crime itself — are an underreported outcome of sexual violence, women’s rights and criminal justice experts said.  

Various studies estimate between 17,000 and 32,000 U.S. pregnancies a year are the result of rape, according to the National Conference of State Legislatures. One study found 32% of women opted to keep the baby. 

Other states, most notably Alabama, which has the nation's most restrictive abortion law, have in recent years also grappled with parental rights when a rape results in the birth of a child. Minnesota is the only state with no laws terminating parental rights in rape cases. 

Prior to his parental rights being terminated, M.E.’s rapist had legal rights to shared custody and continued contact with the children, even in prison, forcing her to remain legally tied to him. 

No choice

This news organization is not using M.E.'s name nor the name of her rapist to protect the identity of her children. She now lives in northeastern Pennsylvania and shared her story for the first time with this news organization.

M.E. was a year old when her mother married the man who later adopted her. The sexual assaults began when she was 4. Until she became pregnant, M.E. thought he was her biological father.

The couple divorced when M.E. was 11. Her stepfather got custody of M.E. and her two step-siblings. Her mother moved to another state.

The abuse look place for nearly 20 years and spanned two states, Michigan and Pennsylvania. Her stepfather kept journals chronicling the sexual abuse, including photos and videos that later were used to prosecute him.

As a teenager, M.E. tried to refuse her stepfather’s sexual advances and threatened to tell people what he was doing after recognizing her situation in an episode of "Law and Order SVU."

But her stepfather would tell her that no one would believe her, M.E. said. When she still refused, he would get angry at her siblings. Once he told M.E. to take a photo of her sister when she got out of the shower. M.E. refused. 

She said she had no choice but to stay quiet and surrender.  

“Everyday you learn to watch what you say and do,” she said. “Everything you say and do is going to determine the outcome of your day.”

M.E. learned she was pregnant the first time at 17. Initially her stepfather told her siblings and mom that the father was someone from her school.

"This kept everyone from asking questions potentially exposing the abuse," M.E. said.

The birth of her daughter tightened the ties to her abuser, M.E. said. 

She became pregnant by rape a second time in Michigan, but lost the child. She was 22 when she gave birth to a son. 

By that time, her stepfather was stalking her, she said. He put monitoring devices on the computer. She was under constant surveillance and kept isolated in the house.  

The threats were constant. If anyone found out the family secret he would kill her, the kids and himself, M.E. said.

“At this point, you feel your hands are tied. He drove a wedge between me and everyone,” she said. 

Then, her daughter turned 4. M.E. knew she could be silent no longer.

“My daughter was 4,” she said. “And I was 4 when he started.”    

No safe option 

M.E. went to police in Michigan, who opened an investigation and uncovered the decades of videos, photos and journal entries detailing M.E.’s sexual abuse and corroborating her allegations, she said. The evidence led authorities to Pennsylvania, where a second criminal investigation was opened.

“All these years, he said it was my word against yours,” M.E. said.

Her words resulted in a laundry list of criminal charges, including child and adult rape and sexual assault, against her abuser in two counties in Michigan and one Pennsylvania county.    

Despite the charges, at any point during the two years the criminal case lasted, the family courts in either state could have forced M.E. to arrange for her children to maintain contact with their father, including bringing them to visit him in jail.  

“To me that was not a safe option,” said M.E. who was not required to maintain contact. “He was very much a person who would lash out. He would think, how can he use the situation to benefit himself to re-victimize me and my kids.”

Since 2016, Michigan has allowed rape victims to petition family court, which has a lower burden of proof, to sever parental rights in rape cases.

Yet, in Pennsylvania, M.E. learned that the courts would not consider a petition to terminate parental rights unless she had a “replacement” partner willing to adopt her children. 

“I didn’t want to be rushed into anything. This is one of those moments that it was not fair to me and not fair to other people,” M.E. said. “I didn’t want to be stuck in that circle. I wanted to leave the circle.”  

M.E. was not the only one who was stunned to find out about the legal loophole facing rape victims. 

Donna Greco is policy director for the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Rape. She didn’t believe the loophole existed until it was pointed out to her. 

Her disbelief was shared by lawmakers and stakeholders the coalition met with while they were seeking support for the legislation.

“We learned it was absolutely happening and it makes sense to close this loophole which was very antiquated,” Greco said. “We felt it was very harmful because you’re forcing a relationship on a victim.”

'Replacement husband'

Since the 2015 passage of the federal Rape Survivor Child Custody Act, which provides a financial incentive to states to pass laws to terminate parental rights of a rapist with clear and convincing evidence, more states are adopting laws allowing for rape-related termination of parental rights. 

Currently, 32 states and the District of Columbia allow it when a child is conceived as a result of rape; other states have custody or visitation restrictions.

Some states allow for both the termination of parental rights and restrictions on custody and visitation. Most states allow termination of parental rights when there is a criminal rape conviction, but it's rarely automatic.

That means a victim must still petition the court, a process that involves legal fees and additional time that undermines the safety and well-being of rape victims and their children, said Danielle Pollack, a family court reform advocate with CHILD USA, a nonprofit focused on children’s rights.   

Pennsylvania is among more than half the states where the courts use the “clear and convincing evidence” legal standard to determine a child was conceived as a result of a rape and to terminate a perpetrator’s parental rights. 

Admissible evidence in a petition could include medical records, trauma counseling and therapy records, and testimony from the victim, witnesses and the alleged perpetrator. 

But state courts long have interpreted the parental rights termination law as requiring the restoration of a two-parent household in order for the courts to sever parental rights for a biological parent, said Judith Lewis, legal director of the Barbara J, Hart Justice Center, a project of the Women’s Resource Center in Scranton.

In essence, what the courts decided is the law did not intend for women to be legally single parents, said Lewis, who represented M.E. in her Superior Court case and made suggestions for changes in the state’s Adoptions Act law

“They’re looking for a replacement husband,” Pollack added. 

The lone exception to the “contemplative adoption” requirement was if there was an outstanding reason not to follow the requirement, the rare departure from the law that M.E. won her appeal on, Lewis said. 

The new legal change creates a specific exception to the "contemplative adoption" requirement in rape cases.

Lewis would like to see the exemption expanded to include other circumstances, such as where children are regularly exposed to domestic violence or long-absent parents. Pennsylvania courts also interpret the so-called "replacement parent" requirement as applying to those situations before considering severing parental rights, she said.  

Despite changing family compositions, family law remains steadfast in the idea that two-parent households, or shared custody arrangements, are what is always in the best interest of the child, Lewis said. 

“When looking at rape and domestic violence, you have fit and unfit parents and the courts, they don’t want to look at this situation," Lewis added. "Judges want to see both parents as fit.” 

Kids thriving

In 2014, M.E.’s stepfather pleaded guilty in Michigan to rape and related charges. He was sentenced to 10 to 15 years in state prison in one county and 15 to 50 years in another county.

The following year he pleaded guilty in a Pennsylvania court to child rape and related charges. A judge sentenced him to 44 to 128 years in state prison, which he will serve after he completes his sentence in Michigan.

M.E. is relieved that neither she, nor her kids, will ever see or hear from him again.    

For now, she continues to work on her emotional healing and raising her children. She finds strength, comfort and purpose in advocating for victims of rape and domestic violence. 

Her children don’t know the circumstances surrounding how they came into this world. 

For now, what they know is their father broke the law and he is never getting out of jail, she said. 

One day, in the far, far future, M.E. said she will share her story with them. For now, she wants them only to focus on a happy, normal childhood.

“They’re thriving,” M.E. said, “and not having to carry the burden I had to carry all these  years.” 

Did you know?

• Almost 3 million women in the U.S. experienced rape-related pregnancy during their lifetime, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
• About 18 million women have experienced vaginal rape in their lifetime, according to the CDC. Women who were raped by a current or former intimate partner were more likely to report rape-related pregnancies (26%) compared to those raped by an acquaintance (5.2%) or a stranger (6.9%).
• Of women who were raped by an intimate partner, 30% experienced a form of reproductive coercion by the same partner. Specifically, about 20% reported that their partner had tried to get them pregnant when they did not want to or tried to stop them from using birth control. About 23% reported their partner refused to use a condom.