Brent Batten: Speaking the language of the Naples Winter Wine Festival

The oenophiles at the Naples Winter Wine Festival this weekend treated their discriminating palates to glasses of Maison Joseph Drouhin Batard-Montrachet and goblets of Domaine Serene Pinot Noir.

They fluently discussed the differences between a Veuve Clicquot and a Verite La Joie.

But those of us who don't know sauvignon from sausage, who think that a cabernet is where Liza Minnelli sang and who believe Merlot was King Arthur's sorcerer could use a little help.

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With all the attention focused on the wine festival and the millions it raises for children's charities in Collier County, it would be nice to be able to follow along.

Here again is a primer on some of the terminology you might have heard bandied about this weekend as the festival-goers motored around town between dinners, lunches, auctions and brunches. For the truly challenged, explanations of what the terms do not mean in the wine festival context are included.

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* Bacchus — The Roman god of wine. Not the guy who played Mr. Howell.

* Bitter — Usually considered a fault but characteristic of such wines as Amarone and certain other Italian reds. Not how you feel just because you didn't get an invitation to the festival.

* Brix — Term used to measure the sugar content of grapes, grape juice or wine. Not a cereal for kids, silly rabbit.

* Chewy — Wines with unusual thickness of texture. Not the Wookie who apparently died — but didn’t — in “The Rise of Skywalker.”

* Closed — Young, undeveloped wines that do not readily reveal their character are said to be closed. Not what Lucky’s Markets are about to be.

* Dumb — Unrevealing of flavor or aroma. Not the whole impeachment thing.

* Finish — Aftertaste, or final impression the wine leaves. Not what we were all glad to see the Seed to Table store project arrive at.

* Green — A wine made from unripe grapes that is tart and lacking fruit flavor. Not what the auctioneers raked in this weekend.

* Herby — Reminiscent of herbs, such as mint, sage, thyme. Not the Love Bug.

* Tannin — A natural component found to varying degrees in the skins, seeds and stems of grapes and a major component in the structure of red wines. Not what you see tourists doing on 60-degree days at the beach.

* Nutty — Nut-like aromas that develop in certain wines, such as sherries or old white wines. Not what being willing to vastly overpay for wine, food, trips and cars seems to the uninitiated.

* Noble — Great; of perfect balance and harmonious expression. And, ultimately, what the benefactors willing to vastly overpay for wine, food, trips and cars in order to benefit underprivileged kids, are.

(Connect with Brent Batten at bebatten@naplesnews.com or via Facebook).