Beloved St. John Vianney cheer coach Mrs. S remembered

Jayne Shalkowski may have left this earth last spring but her presence never left St. John Vianney High School.

Shalkowski, affectionately nicknamed “Mrs. S” by all who knew her at the Holmdel school, passed away last May from a heart attack at the age of 61. She had been a highly successful and dedicated cheerleading coach and guidance counselor at SJV for over 40 years, and during that time also coached at Montclair State University for 14 years.

On the day that Mrs. S died, a dragonfly landed on the window of the car that her husband, Bernard, 63, and her daughter, Staci, 31, sat in. Mrs. S, an animal lover, had discussed with Staci just days before how beautiful a thing the dragonfly is.

The dragonflies kept appearing in the following days and months. On the way to the hospital that day, Bernard and Staci saw a group of dragonflies swarm the lawn. When Staci, who took over for her mother as cheerleading coach after her passing, gathered her girls in a circle after a particularly tough practice during a summer camp, a dragonfly plopped down in the middle of them. And right before the SJV football team scored its first touchdown of the 2019 season, a dragonfly flew over the field.

Staci got the message. She felt it was her mother refusing to leave the school she called home. 

Indeed, feeling that their beloved coach, counselor, confidante, friend and mother never left, the SJV community has kept her memory and legacy alive as it continues to mourn the unexplainable void left by her passing.

“She didn’t have one family, she had two,” Staci said. “It was me and my dad and her family at home, and her SJV family.”

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Beyond the call of duty

Mrs. S was more than just a school employee. On a daily basis, Mrs. S exceeded the expectations of someone in her position, said school officials, staff and current and former students.

The state football playoffs are getting underway this week. St. John Vianney will have a Non-Public, Group 3 quarterfinal game against Donovan Catholic on Nov. 15.

Mrs. S was a mentor, a friend and a shoulder to lean on. Not just for the girls she coached, those on the football roster, and the students she was assigned to as a guidance counselor, but almost every student had a connection with her, those interviewed for this story consistently said.

“Sometimes God puts people in your life to catch you when you’re falling,” SJV assistant athletic director Pat Smith said. “She was that person for hundreds of students here.”

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Many students regarded her as a second mother. If a student had an issue with a significant other or a class, they could go to Mrs. S for a chat. If they had something on their mind that they felt uncomfortable coming to their own parents about, Mrs. S opened her door. If a student lost a loved one, Mrs. S would help them pick up the pieces.

Whether they were on the cheerleading team, played another sport, marched in the band—or just anyone from the student body—Mrs. S was there to help.

“Mrs. S was the perfect outlet for you to talk to,” said Riley Dinnell, a senior cheerleader. “She always knew what you needed to hear and what you wanted to hear. She was always the perfect person to go to when you needed someone to talk to outside of your friends or parents or teachers. She was all of those encapsulated inside of one.”

Anthony Brett, a senior on the football and wrestling teams, remembers his freshman year when he struggled to cut weight before a match. Like many high school wrestlers across the nation, Brett skipped lunch to lose a couple pounds before weigh-in. He said he would sit in Mrs. S’s office during his lunch period, and she wouldn’t allow anyone to bring in food while Brett hung out there, not wanting to make the hungry freshman feel any worse by the sight of a hamburger.

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Sydney Haddad, a senior cheerleader, struggled to keep her grades up during her sophomore year. Mrs. S gave her the encouragement she needed as she did with countless other students.

Haddad said it was a benevolence rarely seen.

“You don’t meet someone everyday who cares that much about you,” Haddad said. “Someone so wise and caring for a bunch of 17-year-old high school students, you don’t get to see that.”

“She never turned any student down, no matter race, gender, ethnicity,” said Julian Young, a junior on the football team. “No matter what or who you were, she always loved you and cared about you because you were a person in this world.”

Under the direction of Mrs. S, the SJV cheerleading team won a litany of national and state titles. But she was no tyrant. Current and former team members said she did push her girls, but she also knew when to pull back. She found the perfect balance between being a tough motivator but also a caring leader.

"(The titles) did not define us and did not define her as a coach,” Haddad said. “She was much more than that. She was not only our coach, she was a friend we could go to for anything we wanted.

“That’s what made the bond the teams had with her so special. She wasn’t just someone we want to at 2:30 for a quick cheer practice and a game on Friday and a competition on the weekends. She was someone who during school if we were having a problem, we could go and talk to her.”

"It’s not for me. It’s for Mrs. S.”

When Mrs. S passed away, an immediate outpouring of grief and support descended upon SJV. Flowers piled up at the base of the flagpole as more and more people placed them there. The cheerleading team got together that night to cry, reminisce and help each other the sudden loss. The football team, with many players being particularly close with Mrs. S, did the same. They all had each other’s backs, which the students say Mrs. S would have wanted.

With a lacrosse game on the schedule that afternoon, Staci went to meet with the community to show them she was doing okay. They grieved together.

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At Mrs. S’s wake, the door to the funeral home did not stay closed as a constant stream of people came to share their thoughts.

“That’s what helps you get through it, there’s kids who come back from 2000, ’99, the 80’s, the 70’s with great stories and happy memories,” Staci said. “It really proves what she was at St. John. It wasn’t just a guidance councilor, a PE teacher, a cheerleading coach, she was so much more, and it makes you smile inside because you can only wish to be half of what she was.”

To further honor her legacy, the football team has dedicated the season to her. The players write ‘Mrs. S’ and ‘JAS,’ her initials, on the white medical tape that wraps their wrists. Sophomore Joshua East has an elaborate memorial etched in black marker on his back pad. Angel wings and a halo surround ‘JAS’ while ‘Mrs. S’ and ‘5.21.19,’ the date of her death’ is written at the bottom. After each game, they break down their huddle by saying their name.

Every cheerleader wears a black bow in their hair with a similar logo. Staci, the cheerleaders and the players wear a light blue (Mrs. S’s favorite color) rubber bracelet that says, "Shalkowski Strong 5.21.19."

There’s even a petition online calling on SJV to rename the football field after Mrs. S. The petition has 9,351 signatures as of this week. 

But the grandest tribute to Mrs. S can be found the wall of the concession stand that faces the SJV football field. Once mustard yellow, the football team recently blacked out the wall with black paint to give the school’s art club a blank canvas.

The art students then painted a beautiful mural. Done in glow-in-the-dark paint, ‘JAS’ appears in white script underneath a shining, golden halo and in between two massive angel wings. Dragonflies surround the central design.

It’s a constant reminder to the football players. All they have to do is look towards the southern end zone and feel that Mrs. S, who Brett calls his ‘guardian angel,’ is with them as they play.

“The big painting, I look at that almost every play, “ Brett said. “I remind myself that I’m not playing for myself this season. It’s not for me. It’s for Mrs. S.”

Mrs. S's legacy

Staci began coaching at SJV under her mother in 2010. Now, she’s taken the reigns of the program on her own.

It’s appropriate that Staci took over. Mrs. S always viewed her cheerleaders as a part of her family. Why not keep the program within the hands of her biological family?

Given that Mrs. S was such a larger than life character to the people at SJV, replacing her is an impossible task. But Staci is taking on the challenge of not only fielding a competitive cheerleading team, but also treating her girls the way her mother did for four decades.

“She’s taken on Mrs. S’s legacy so perfectly here,” Dinnell said. “She’s stepped up into the role so beautifully. I think she’s really capturing her essence and living out her legacy perfectly.”

Luckily, the tributes around the school are not a constant reminder of what Staci lost. In fact, they're indications of just how much her mother meant to SJV. And that helps, knowing her mother is still loved and remembered. 

“She only had me, I was her only child, but she had 1,000 a year,” Staci said. “They were her kids. It’s great to see how they continue to love her and keep her memory alive.”

Staci recognizes that her duty involves way more than winning titles. Though Mrs. S can never be replaced, Staci knows she has big shoes to fill.

“Everyone keeps saying, ‘are you ready for the season,’” Staci said. “We’re ready but win, lose, draw, it isn’t about the win. It’s about making a difference and showing what we are about as a team. Keeping the legacy alive is our thing, but it’s her legacy, and we’re just a small portion of it.”

Danny LoGiudice has covered local sports across New Jersey since 2014. Contact him at dlogiudice@gannettnj.com or @danny_logiudice on Twitter.