There’s something about that yellow school bus when it turns down our street every morning. There’s a precipice, and if you’re still, the air just seems to feel different in the mornings, even though it’s still so sticky hot in this Nashville summer heat. We know that autumn is nipping at our heels, whether we want to be in denial about it, or not. The trees seem to glow with the sunlight streaming through, and the grass glitters with dew. There’s something so nostalgic about that bus. Something I always wanted my children to be able to experience with its small town, charming vibes.
For us, it’s the little things you forget about when you’ve made a transition with your family, that you never want to take for granted.
The sweet bus driver opened the door while I stood there with my youngest yesterday morning.
He’s a big fourth grader now. He clambered aboard with his friends and she smiled at me. “I just can’t get over how I only have one on the bus this year.” She said, gesturing to him. “Y’all have grown up on me.”
I smiled at her sweet words but the tears pricked at my eyes a little unexpectedly.
When we first moved here, it was absolute chaos. We were taking on a total rehab, just hoping to grow our business. My parents were gracious enough to help us out with an apartment, while we drove back and forth each day for about an hour, round trip. Just getting into this house was a challenge. {See my fall tour where I was at my wit’s end – still my favorite of all time.} There were dumpsters and workers and that amazing woman who is so much more to us than “just” a bus driver, probably thinks we’ve lost our minds.
But I know she’s also watched us build a home for our family.
I’m always a little sentimental this time of year, because a lot comes for us, at once. One could say, stepping back, that we didn’t plan out our lives very well, with anniversaries and birthing children and other various whatnots all in the month of August.
We just celebrated our seventeenth year of marriage, because somehow, we’ve grown together. Marriage is hard work. We’ve made it work.
circa 2016 – the day we took possession of the house
We have two in middle school this year. Two. Wasn’t I just writing this post about our oldest? We’ve faced a week of dragging our middle, now a 6th grader out of bed, and figuring out locker combinations. Suddenly, she cares a whole lot about her fashion choices, while last year it was t-shirts and running shorts. It’s the chaos of life, just falling back into a schedule with three exhausted little people. That’s never really very easy. And I’m grateful.
Our oldest turns fourteen today. FOURT. TEEN. Say it with me. I feel like he was a toddler when I started this site… actually only a few months old when I started writing at all. This was a mom blog on the side just for fun, to pass the time, an outlet to connect. Who knew this would evolve into something more? And I’m grateful.
2019 a few nights ago – one last hurrah of a summer night
When we moved here, it was hard. I’ve said it a million times now. I stumbled across our photos from that time period yesterday, because I was helping my youngest put together a timeline of his life for a school presentation. It struck me how much our children have grown. And I’m grateful.
Our dogs don’t even look like puppies anymore.
I will forever have this longing to be present all the time. I want to keep my finger on the pulse. I want to feel it all, absorb it. I know it won’t be like this forever. Everything is going by way too quickly. If I could choose just one super power, it would be to slow down time. Not go back. Not move forward. Just ease it up on the reins a little.
I’ve struggled a lot, with comparison all my life. I bring things back to the enneagram a lot lately because for the first time ever, it’s really helped me understand my own struggles. {#4, still a little torn about the wing, if you’re curious – a great quiz can be found here.} Everyone has their demons, some of them just feel a bit more harshly illuminated when it’s time to deal with them. Isn’t life fun in that way? It can feel like you’re standing there naked when you’re finally forced to deal with who you really are. Authenticity is what I crave the most.
So I’ve found that cultivating a constant attitude of thankfulness, is the only way I really can truly live.
Those tears that pricked at the back of my eyes, weren’t really sadness.
They’re gratefulness.
For community and friendships we’ve made here. For our home that we’ve worked so hard on. Yes, it’s only a building but for us it’s symbolic of so much more. For when they hop off those school buses in the afternoons, after running through a rainstorm, and we have fresh baked cookies waiting. For the people our children are becoming and what an absolute delight it really is to watch them grow into who they are.
And the process of giving them space to do so.
For the memories in the funny things. The little things. The seemingly insignificant.
For our lives together that we’ve built.
So here’s to cultivating constant gratitude and thankfulness. For noticing the sunlight and that change in the wind. For being still and appreciating the tiny things like dew droplets and streams of sunshine.
And most of all, for that big yellow school bus that we always longed for, coming down our street.
Emily Neal says
I love this. Thank you for sharing your heart. I’m a 3, with a very strong 4 wing… the feelings, the comparison… I can do relate!
ashley @ the handmade home says
We’re basically mirror reflections of each other ;} You’re definitely not alone.
Erica Montgomery says
Great read girl!! I agree, I wish I could pull back the reins a little too. It’s amazing how much our kiddos have changed in the last 3 years living here!! I hope everyone’s school year is wonderful! ❤
ashley @ the handmade home says
Yours too sweet friend – HUGS to you and getting through the first few weeks.
Suzy says
Yes, time goes by so fast! Thirty years ago today, I had a fifth grader, fourth grader and a second grader. Now my first grandchild has graduated from high school and the youngest is in pre-k!
Enjoy these years while you can, but I will say that you seem to be doing a great job of the enjoying! So, keep it up!
ashley @ the handmade home says
OH my goodness! It does go by way too fast! I keep comforting myself thinking that even though they’re bigger, I DO {hopefully} get grandbabies in the DISTANT DISTANT future ;}
Ellie says
I love this! Thank you for sharing my feelings and putting them into words. Even though we’re in different situations there is so much to be said about being grateful.