Mom's death at 101 marks the end of an era for Chambersburg man and family

June 15, 2019, was a very hard day for me.  It was a day that I never saw coming.  For my 74 years on this earth, I never thought it was possible.  That is the day that my mother would pass away. 

I know.  Many of you reading this column have had friends, parents, grandparents and loved ones pass away.  I have offered condolences, attended funerals and listened intently as people I know have gone through their grieving and retelling of their deceased relationships.  Now turned only to memories. 

In 1977, when I was in my early 30’s, I lost my grandmother with whom I was close.  She raised me while my mother worked.  I remember her pies and cakes and home-made mayonnaise.  If I concentrate, I can still taste her cooking like she were here today.  Before she died, she told me that someday I would really miss her.  She was right.  And today is another of those days. 

My father passed away in 1982.  He was my mentor, business teacher and friend.  He introduced me to fishing.  He was responsible for my obtaining a college education.  I loved him greatly. 

Then my step father died in 1991.  I grieved for what could have been but never was. 

But, this time, my mother’s passing seems unreal. 

She was 101 years old.  Would have been 102 on December 30. 

If I were to summarize her life in one word it would be... work.  She worked.  She worked from the day she graduated from the Chambersburg Business School in 1936, which she attended the year after she graduated from high school in 1935.   

Early on, she worked at the Chambersburg Engineering Company.  Then the Borough of Chambersburg.  Then in 1942 she joined the U.S. Paper Mills in Chambersburg where she worked and served as an officer for the best part of 50 years.  She also carried responsibility as the financial person helping to build a Paper Mill associated apartment business in Washington, DC.  And she worked with me in a number of my business ventures. 

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When she was a young woman, her father, my grandfather, died.  He had been injured while working for the railroad.  There was little compensation at the time.  So, her mother, my grandmother, had to support the family by sewing for others.  There was little money. 

Even then, when my grandmother’s niece needed parenting, my grandparents brought the niece to live with them.  As the story goes, both of the girls needed a new dress.  There was no money.  My grandmother made a dress for the niece, but not my mother.  My grandmother could not afford more cloth. 

My mother never forgot this her entire life.  She never wanted to be without sparkling clothes.  The right fashion.  The perfect shoes.  For a long time, I found fault with this.  It is a missed opportunity that I did not stop to think what she was feeling. 

Other than working, my mother did little else.  Few vacations, unless I took her with my own family.  Few friends.  Little outreach.  Just work, clothes, and a concentration on babysitting her grandchildren and later helping them as adults. 

Some folks may have thought she was stuck-up.  She wasn’t.  Rather she concentrated on the things most important to her in her life.  Work.  Clothes.  Her grandchildren. 

Some folks thought she had a lot of money.  She didn’t.  Never did.  She just worked hard, saved what she could, and made it through life with enough to carry her through to the end.  Every penny she saved she earned.  And that is a fact that helped balance her harsh memory of being dirt poor. 

At 89 years old, she gave up her home and came to live with my wife and me.  She lived in an upstairs apartment.  She continued to work and to be involved in the lives of our grown children.  She worked until she was past 92 years old.  And she still did a great job.  I made her retire.  She never forgave me. 

Then after five years in our home, she moved to Providence Place at the age of 94, where she lived for seven years until her death.  It was the right thing to do.  The people there treated her with the greatest care, compassion and love. 

As I was trying to get a grip on my feelings, my wife, Maxine, reminded me that my mother was a major player in the lives she touched.  She was Mimi to our kids and grandkids.  She maintained a strong and caring relationship with my first wife, Joan.  She was a partner in our businesses.  She was an influencer.  And her presence was deeply felt.  She was my mother. 

I am not sure how to cope with my feelings. 

The last year or so has been rough at best.  Her memory failed.  She could not keep her hair as neat as she would have liked.  Her clothes no longer fit properly.  She became paranoid from time to time.  (Bad people were coming across the wall outside her window.  And they were going to get her.  She saw it on Fox News.  Which is when the nursing staff switched her channel to CNN.) 

Her back pain became unbearable.  She needed to take sufficient opioids and other pain killers just to be able to sit comfortably, let alone to stand.  Even though she was taking enough meds to choke a horse, these were insufficient. 

She lost weight.  From 110 pounds more or less to 71 pounds.  There was nothing left. 

At the end she did not know me.  She knew my wife, who was her stalwart never-failing care-giver.  And then one day she didn’t. 

The week before she died, she stopped eating.  Then drinking.  Then locked her jaw and refused even medication.  It had to be administered in a syringe looking instrument into the space between her teeth and her cheek.  It was heart-breaking. 

I sat with her the night before she died.  And cried.  I am still crying from time to time. 

It is the end of an era in my life.  In my wife’s life.  And in the lives of our children.  Their Mimi and my mother is gone.  I love you. 

Bill Gindlesperger is a central Pennsylvanian, Shippensburg University trustee and founder of eLynxx Solutions that provides Print Buyer’s Software for procuring and managing direct mail, marketing, promo and print.  He is a board member, campaign advisor, published author and talk radio commentator.  He can be reached at Bill.Gindlesperger@eLynxx.com