Putnam: Do 6-year-olds belong in the locker rooms of adults of the opposite sex?

LANSING — If politics and religion aren’t enough to ignite debate around the holiday table, try this one: How old is too old to take a boy into the women’s locker room or a girl into the men's?

I'll bring my own 12-year-old embarrassed self to the debate. I didn’t want to be seen nude in the junior high school gym class showers with my yet-to-sprout breasts. A little bit of that fear of ridicule stays with me each time I disrobe in a locker room, no matter who is present.

I also bring my memories of my 6-year-old son in parent-child swim class. Because of a physical disability, he didn’t have the coordination to pull off wet swim trunks after class and put on dry clothes. He went with me into the women’s locker room.

The YMCA of Metropolitan Lansing, which has pools at three of its five sites, draws the line at kindergarten age.

“…children ages 6 and over should use the locker room of their own sex,” reads the sign on both the men’s and women’s locker rooms at the Parkwood branch in Haslett. It also advises that family rooms are available.

Because so many gyms and health clubs now offer family changing rooms, you might think it’s a problem that’s been solved.

Katie Kiter of DeWitt, a mom of a 2-year-old daughter and 6-year-old son, said it’s not that easy. The floors are often wet and “disgusting” in the family locker rooms at the Westside YMCA, where she takes her children to swim.

Kiter prefers her kids go with her to the open women’s locker room, which she said has plenty of private areas to change. It’s dry and has places to set your bags as you change. The family rooms, with a shower, toilet and sink, lack that, she said.

She said she wouldn’t “bat an eye” to break the under-6-only rule by bringing her son into the women’s locker room. It’s a lot easier when her husband goes with them.

“At my son’s age, I’m not comfortable sending him into the men’s locker room by himself. It’s not so much for safety or predator issues, it’s just that he’s not responsible enough to be left alone, and I can’t run in there,” she said.

She said she’s open with her kids about bodies and gender differences, and her son sees her breast feed her daughter. She’s not sure at what age that openness might change.

“Our family, whether some disagree or not, showers together, more or less for convenience,” she said. “We talk about body parts…we talk about it like it’s not a big deal. He doesn’t see breasts as sexual.”

Kiter said it’s good to have discussions to see other viewpoints.

“Being a parent is not easy, and we’ve got to be there to help each other,” she said.

Mom sees both sides 

Rebecca Taylor of East Lansing and her daughter, Maya, 9, have long gone to the Y branches to swim.

She’s a big supporter of the YMCA since it’s offered scholarships so her family could access programs.

Taylor said she’s been on both sides of the locker room debates.

She witnessed loud comments questioning the height or age of boys in the women’s locker room or suggesting whether young boys should be there at all. She’s also had friends who brought their boys into the women’s locker room because they found the floors in the family rooms too wet and cold.

She agrees with Kiter there needs to be more tolerance all the way around.

“It comes down to personal preference. There’s this assertion that people need to get over it. Well, everyone’s different,” she said.

Her own daughter prefers to shower in a private shower, not always possible when swimming at the Parkwood YMCA in Haslett, which only has one. The other showers are in an open room.

And I heard, when asking the question on social media, from another mother of two daughters who said her girls didn’t like it when boys close to their age came into the women’s locker room.

Taylor said she’d like to see more privacy options, even if that means fabric panels inside the locker rooms. She wondered if there could just be private changing rooms in the family areas, rather than including the changing area and bathrooms together.

More family rooms

Jeff Scheibel, president and CEO of the YMCA of Metropolitan Lansing, said the under-6 rule has been in place as long as staff can recall. He said family changing rooms have made a big improvement in offering more options for privacy.

The Westside Y opened in 2003 with family rooms. Since 2010, family rooms have been added to other branches.

“Our challenge right now is we need more of them,” he said.

The biggest problem is that families bringing kids to swim classes have to wait in line to use the family rooms.

“It’s like driving home from work in rush hour,” he said.

That usually sorts itself out after the first class or two with some arriving earlier, he said.

Scheibel said, when complaints arise about kids in the locker rooms, it’s usually been around children who look older than their age.

The 6-year-old limit “is the industry standard," said Elaine Hardy, coordinator of the East Lansing Hannah Community Center, which has a pool and fitness facility.

The center has offered two family changing rooms since it was renovated in 2001. No age limits for the opposite sex are posted on the men's and women's locker room, though Hardy agrees with age 6 as a general guideline.

“We do allow people to use their common sense. We have to recognize that some families have different needs. It may not always be feasible to take your children in family change areas or allow them to use the locker room facilities by themselves,” she said.

Disputes that have bubbled up to her attention are few, she said.

“Probably in 17 years, I can count them on one hand,” she said.

I learned a useful thing about locker room etiquette in reporting this story: It’s OK to use the family locker rooms even if you’re going to the gym solo without kids.

Scheibel offered the example of people recovering from surgery who might wish privacy.

Being able to change in private might just cause me to hit the gym more often.

Judy Putnam is a columnist with the Lansing State Journal. Contact her at (517) 267-1304 or at jputnam@lsj.com. Follow her on Twitter @judyputnam.