Where are you coming from, head or heart?
“Where are you located in there?” I asked Diane.
Puzzled, she focused inward for some time.
“My heart,” she replied. “I know that sounds odd, but I’m in my heart.”
Many of us assume our sense of self, that feeling of “I,” resides in the head. In our culture, we regard the brain and consciousness as synonymous.
When asked the “Where are you?” question, most of us reflexively point to our foreheads. That’s the site of the prefrontal cortex of the brain, widely regarded as the thinking self.
However, if we pause to contemplate this question, as Diane did, the answer may prove more nuanced. So what? Well, some fascinating research suggests where one experiences the “seat of the self” influences decision-making, planning and interactions. In other words, heart people function differently than brain people.
These same studies show brain types place greater value on the self as an independent actor, particularly when weighing decisions and interacting with others. As such, they spend more time in their heads, engaged with thinking and other cognitive processes we associate with the brain.
In contrast, heart people place greater value on the self as an interdependent actor. They can function independently, but simply prefer to work with others rather than going solo. As you would expect, their thinking is more enmeshed with intuition and emotions, those capacities we associate with the heart.
For example, in making decisions, Alice relies heavily on interactions with trusted others and her own intuitive thinking. In contrast, brain types often mull things over independently or with limited input from others, and they prefer reasoning more than intuition.
Obviously, these are generalizations pockmarked with plenty of exceptions, but research suggests they prove accurate more often than not. What’s more, I’ve observed folks who gravitate between these two locations of the self, so, for many, it’s not exclusively one or the other.
Matthew proves the point. When I asked him to pay attention to where his sense of self resides, he later reported that it “moves around.” A financial analyst by day, he feels based “in my head” while working, but in his personal life, he’s much more of a heart person. So, context and tasks can shift one’s sense of self within the body.
Nonetheless, most of us have a default seat of the self, one we occupy most of the time unless necessity nudges us toward the other. Yet, on occasion, this nudging can prove worthwhile in addressing particular challenges.
For example, I’ve asked clients to experiment with “moving” their seat of self back and forth when making decisions so they can benefit from both head and heart input. How? Sit quietly, relax your shoulders and take deep breaths, imagining you are breathing directly into and out of either your brain or heart, alternately between both.
As with meditation, yoga and other focusing disciplines, breathing can move and center awareness within the body.
In describing our mindsets, we often say “Where I’m coming from.”
Head or heart. It matters.
Philip Chard is a psychotherapist, author and trainer. Email Chard at outofmymind@philipchard.com or visit philipchard.com.
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