“In our rough-and-rugged individualism, we think of gentleness as weakness, being soft, and virtually spineless. Not so! . . . Gentleness includes such enviable qualities as having strength under control, being calm and peaceful when surrounded by a heated atmosphere, emitting a soothing effect on those who may be angry or otherwise beside themselves” (Charles R. Swindoll).

PEACE IS ALMOST UNIVERSALLY PRAISED, BUT THE PEACEFULNESS THAT LEADS TO PEACE IS NOT ALWAYS ADMIRED. People who have adopted the character trait of peacefulness are sometimes perceived as being weak rather than strong. But genuine peacefulness is anything but weak. In fact, conflict is easy compared to constructiveness. Bridges are much easier to blow up than to build.

To be sure, if a person were to pursue peace at any price, that would not only be weak but weak in the worst possible way. There is no honor in sacrificing our principles merely to appease an angry enemy, and Dag Hammarskjöld, who served an illustrious career as Secretary-General of the United Nations, was correct when he gave this advice: “Never ‘for the sake of peace and quiet’ deny your own experience or convictions.” But whether we’re honest enough to admit it, it’s often not our principles that have to be sacrificed to establish peace — it’s merely our personal preferences and privileges.

The real test of whether we have a peaceful character is not how well we deal with adversaries who are cooperative in spirit, but how effectively we work with those who aren’t (as Jesus taught in Matthew 5:46,47). Peacefulness requires more than the ability to reconcile with a dear friend after a minor disagreement. As Yitzhak Rabin once said, “Peace is not made with friends. Peace is made with enemies.” And so, as Thomas à Kempis said, “To be able to live peaceably with hard and perverse persons, or with the disorderly, or with such as go contrary to us, is a great grace.”

It should be obvious that if peacefulness is to characterize us, we’ll have to learn patience. Establishing constructive, if not friendly, relations with those with whom we have serious disagreements calls for the highest and best within us. And we can’t let ourselves be discouraged when our efforts don’t yield immediate results. Peacefulness is costly, and the cost spreads out over many years.

“Peace is a daily, a weekly, a monthly process, gradually changing opinions, slowly eroding old barriers, quietly building new structures” (John F. Kennedy).

Gary Henry – WordPoints.com + AreYouaChristian.com

     

“There is something new every day if you look for it” (Hannah Hurnard).

ONE OF OUR MOST REMARKABLE ENDOWMENTS IS THE ABILITY TO FORETASTE PLEASURE. The literal meaning of “anticipate” is to “take before,” and we have it within us to look ahead (at least a little) and take enjoyment from our experiences before they arrive. To make this choice and welcome the future with joy is an act of courage. It’s also an act of considerable wisdom.

Not everything about the future will be pleasant, of course. But even so, anticipation is a wise choice. As a positive character quality, anticipation gives us a more constructive outlook. By believing the best and acting on our hopes, we find a better future than if we expected the worst. For this reason, Albert Schweitzer, who spent his adult life dealing with life’s rough edges, once remarked, “My knowledge is pessimistic, but my willing and hoping are optimistic.”

So, how can we heighten our anticipation and relish the future? Ironically, the primary thing we can do is pay attention to what’s happening in the present moment. As I write these lines, for example, it is early spring, and the trees outside my window are beginning to bud and blossom. It would be difficult to look at these things thoughtfully and not anticipate (or “take before”) the greater, more fully developed beauty they’ll have tomorrow morning. So whatever death and decay there may be in this old world, let’s also see the evidence that many good things are moving, growing, and reaching forward. If we taste deeply the present truth about these things, our minds will tingle with anticipation for what lies ahead. As Brenda Gantt always says, “It’s gonna be good, y’all.”

Even when we have no idea what will happen tomorrow, there are still reasons to anticipate it. The intriguing mystery of it all — the possibility that tomorrow’s path may take a surprising turn — can energize us. If life could be completely planned and programmed, we might be “safe” in certain ways, but in our hearts we know we want more than mere safety. Like the inquisitive, once-upon-a-time children we used to be, we want to learn more than we know and do more than we’ve done. There’s a bit of the adventurer in all of us.

Still round the corner there may wait,
A new road, or a secret gate.
(J. R. R. Tolkien)

Gary Henry – WordPoints.com + AreYouaChristian.com

     

“Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy of everyone else” (William Rotsler).

ON THIS DAY EVERY YEAR, PRACTICAL JOKES ARE TRADITIONALLY ACCEPTED AND EVEN ENCOURAGED. Today of all days, “anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy of everyone else.”

Some of us need more than one such day a year. We take ourselves too seriously, like Queen Victoria of England, who would cut off individuals guilty of being humorous in her presence with the stiff reply, “The Queen is not amused.” Thus, the Victorian Age, which is named for her, is remembered for some good things, but amusement is not one of them. The Queen was not a comedian.

Not many of us would like to discover that we’re perceived as a stuffed shirt or a killjoy. We like people who can be easily amused, and we’d prefer to be viewed that way ourselves. Too often, however, we let the weighty issues of life drag us down into a place where there’s very little amusement. Our faces freeze into a frown. So we could profit from a day once in a while, like today, when a bit of humor is forced upon us. “Humor,” as Jan McKeithen said, “is a hole that lets the sawdust out of a stuffed shirt.”

The ability to amuse and be amused is a quality worth cultivating if it’s not already a part of our character. It may seem inconsistent to talk about “working on” our amusement, but that may, in fact, be what we need to do. Making some conscious decisions to loosen up and learn how to be both the amuser and the amusee is wise. Doing so pays worthwhile dividends (for example, contributing to health and longer life). The breaking-in period may be uncomfortable, as when we’re learning to like a new pair of shoes, but eventually the capacity for genuine, healthy amusement will be worth acquiring.

Amusement is a part of what makes for rich relationships with other human beings. If we want our relationships to be multi-layered and many-dimensioned, we should aspire to having more than one kind of influence. We certainly need to work on being able to teach, inspire, and encourage. But, personally, I also want to be able to amuse. And those whom I count as my dearest friends are those whom I know I can amuse now and then. How about you?

“We cherish our friends not for their ability to amuse us, but for our ability to amuse them” (Evelyn Waugh).

Gary Henry – WordPoints.com + AreYouaChristian.com

     

“The just hand is a precious ointment” (Latin Proverb).

ONLY THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN TREATED WITH SERIOUS INJUSTICE CAN FULLY UNDERSTAND WHAT A “PRECIOUS OINTMENT” JUSTICE IS. Frankly, there aren’t many things in life more valuable than the simple treasure of fairness. And no matter who we are, we would do well to examine ourselves honestly from time to time and make a new commitment to this virtue, which is one of the greatest.

But when we are meditating on justice, which is the more profitable question: whether we’ve received adequate justice from others or whether we’ve done adequate justice to others? In a culture where we almost compete for the status of “greatest victim,” we seem always to be concerned that others haven’t given us what we deserve. But if our lives as a whole were to be taken into consideration, would we really want what we deserve? Before we say yes, we should probably reconsider. “Use every man after his desert, and who should scape whipping?” (Shakespeare).

If we ever really got what we should get, most of us would want to return to the “unfairness” we thought was so unbearable. H. L. Mencken was right when he said, “Injustice is relatively easy to bear; what stings is justice.” What most of us want is mercy — and to the greatest extent possible, that is what we should want for others also.

Perhaps we should spend more of our time questioning the justice we extend to others. Here, most of us ordinary folks will find lots of room for improvement, especially when we consider that we may do injustice as much by what we leave undone as by what we do. A few days’ trial of Benjamin Franklin’s rule (“Wrong none by doing injuries or omitting the benefits that are your duty”) will show us how challenging it is to make a real-life commitment to justice.

Above all, however, we must take care not to limit our defense of justice to those who make a favorable impression on us or those we think “ought” to be treated justly. If we have a most common failing in the matter of justice, it is probably that we show favoritism in dispensing it. But to be authentic, justice must be “blind,” in the honorable sense. Everybody deserves to be treated fairly.

“Do justice to your brother (you can do that, whether you love him or not), and you will come to love him. But do injustice to him because you don’t love him, and you will come to hate him” (John Ruskin).

Gary Henry – WordPoints.com + AreYouaChristian.com

     

“We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all that we need to make us happy is something to be enthusiastic about” (Charles Kingsley).

RUNNING OUT TO MEET LIFE EAGERLY IS A WISE AND BENEFICIAL CHOICE. Whatever we do, we do it better when we do it eagerly rather than reluctantly. When we approach life with eagerness, we overcome obstacles more easily, gain cooperation from others more readily, and experience satisfaction more deeply.

If we take an honest look at our lives, however, many of us have to admit we’ve let the forces of daily existence grind down our eagerness, perhaps to the point where there’s little left of it. Maybe we’re not at the point of despair or outright rebellion, but we find ourselves merely tolerating life rather than living it. We’re only “going through the motions.” As G. K. Chesterton remarked, “There is a great deal of difference between an eager man who wants to read a book and the tired man who wants a book to read.” Just so, there is a big difference between the person who has a life to live and the one who merely has to live life — between “living” and “being lived.”

But we can do better, can’t we? We can rebuild our reserves of enthusiasm and eagerness. It may take time to get back in touch with the principles that spark excitement, but it’s worth working on, starting today. And one of the best reasons is that we honor others by being eager. Our general attitude toward life comes through in our dealings with those around us, and when we’re living our lives eagerly, others experience that eagerness as a welcoming, enthusiastic approach to them personally. It’s like giving them a hug!

Deep down, eagerness is a product of gratitude. Instead of taking life for granted, enthusiasts appreciate it as a gift and a privilege. Without denying their difficulties, eager individuals emphasize their opportunities — and they show their gratitude for them by actively embracing them. With each new day, we get a chance to recharge our attitude and take another run at life’s requirements. While some folks greet the rising sun with a groan, others are rarin’ to go. When we decide which it will be, we make a choice that will affect not only our lives but those of our loved ones, too.

“Wake up with a smile and go after life . . . Live it, enjoy it, taste it, smell it, feel it” (Joe Knapp).

Gary Henry – WordPoints.com + AreYouaChristian.com

     

“Morale is faith in the person at the top” (Familiar Saying).

IN MOST OF THE GROUPS THAT WE’RE MEMBERS OF, GREAT THINGS DEPEND ON THE MORALE OF THE GROUP. If those who make up a group are collectively discouraged, depressed, negligent, and unwilling to work, it’s not likely that good things are going to result. But if they’re confident, cheerful, disciplined, and eager to contribute, there aren’t many goals the group can’t accomplish. And the more important the goal, the more morale is a crucial factor.

Morale does not come from the mere assertion of a leader’s authority. Leaders need to understand that morale among the “troops” depends, to a large extent, on whether the troops believe the leaders know what they’re doing. Great morale is inspired by those who have the confidence of their peers to help them reach their goals.

But if “morale is faith in the person at the top,” many people would say, “Well then, morale is not my responsibility; I’m not the person at the top.” If we think that way, we’re probably taking a limited view of our lives. We’re probably thinking of only one or two of our relationships, such as work or school. But in the larger reality, all of us are members of many different relationships, and each of us has the responsibility for leadership in at least a few of them.

Think of a relationship, however small, in which others look to you for leadership. How is the morale? Are those who comprise the relationship encouraged or discouraged about the group’s mission? Could you make a difference by leading differently?

Sometimes, we may unknowingly share our fears with others rather than our courage. However, most people already have enough fears to cope with on their own; what they need is hope — along with the motivation to actively pursue it. So Robert Louis Stevenson’s advice was wise: “Keep your fears to yourself, but share your courage.”

We need to care about positive morale enough to promote it and protect it. Doing that doesn’t always require big steps; sometimes small steps in the right direction are extremely helpful. The people who follow us just need to know that we’re making progress.

“When enthusiasm is inspired by reason; controlled by caution; sound in theory; practical in application; reflects confidence; spreads good cheer; raises morale; inspires associates; arouses loyalty, and laughs at adversity, it is beyond price” (Coleman Cox).

Gary Henry – WordPoints.com + AreYouaChristian.com

     

It takes a heap o’ livin’ in a house t’ make it a home,
A heap o’ sun an’ shadder, an’ ye sometimes have t’ roam
Afore ye really ’preciate the things ye lef’ behind,
An’ hunger fer ’em somehow, with ’em allus on yer mind.
(Edgar Albert Guest)

IT’S SAD HOW LITTLE WE APPRECIATE SOME THINGS UNTIL WE’VE EITHER LOST THEM OR LEFT THEM BEHIND. By deferring our appreciation until we’ve been deprived, we miss out on much of the day-to-day enjoyment of appreciation. It would be so much better if we paid the price to gain a sense of gratitude right now.

Appreciation is the last link in a chain that starts with the deliberate effort to count our blessings. It has never been said better than in the words of the old hymn: “Count your many blessings, name them one by one.” This means consciously and intentionally focusing our minds on the things we hold valuable. And though this sounds like a simple practice, it is no minor challenge in these busy days. We rarely have the time to leisurely and luxuriously reflect on each of the good things in our lives — but we need to take the time (and “name them one by one”). When we do, we’ll be struck by how impoverished our lives would be if we didn’t have these things, and that awareness then leads to the last link in the chain: appreciation. So remember the sequence: (1) meditation on our blessings, (2) awareness of their importance, and (3) appreciation of their value.

Of all the things we ought to appreciate, of course, the greatest are the people around us. Psychologist William James famously wrote, “The deepest principle of human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” In our heart of hearts, we all know this saying contains a great insight. And if we know how much we appreciate being appreciated, that’s all the more reason for us to go out of our way to appreciate others. They need it as much as we do.

Disliking things is easy, isn’t it? It requires little effort and little character. But finding worthy things to like and then fully appreciating them requires more of us. That being true, let’s set ourselves a goal: let’s aspire to be people defined by both the goodness of the things we love and the depth of our appreciation for each of them.

“The question is not what a man can scorn, or disparage, or find fault with, but what can he love and value and appreciate” (John Ruskin).

Gary Henry – WordPoints.com + AreYouaChristian.com

     

“Expect people to be better than they are; it helps them to become better. But don’t be disappointed when they are not; it helps them to keep trying” (Merry Browne).

OUR EXPECTATIONS ARE POWERFUL FORCES THAT ACT ON OTHER PEOPLE’S LIVES. High expectations pull people upward; low expectations drag them downward. It behooves us to be careful about what we expect of others. What we expect is often what we get.

The suggestion that we should expect the best in those around us is often met with cynicism, if not outright mockery. “It’s naive to expect the best,” some would say. I well remember a college teacher who told me, “Gary, nobody ever went broke underestimating the ignorance of the human race.” He said it humorously, tongue-in-cheek, but I’m afraid there are a number of people who would say that and not be joking at all. In fact, most people seem to think cynicism is the safest path to follow: “Expect the worst, and then if anything better than that takes place, you’ll be pleasantly surprised.”

But whatever safety there may be in cynicism, I know of no world-class performers in any field who take that approach. Vince Lombardi would never have told his football players, “Now, guys, I don’t really expect that you’re going to play up to your potential, but if you do, that will be okay. I’ll take it as a pleasant surprise.” No, high achievers from around the world have always expected the best — both of themselves and everybody they collaborated with.

The truth is, it’s not naive to expect the best of others, especially our friends and family. The best that others can offer may not be perfect, but whatever their best is, they are capable of offering that to the world, and it’s not unrealistic to expect them to do so.

We are motivated by “great expectations” (to borrow Charles Dickens’s phrase). They give us energy to “go for the good stuff.” And so it makes sense to do three things: (1) nourish high expectations of ourselves, (2) surround ourselves with friends who’ll keep our expectations high, and (3) influence others to expect higher things for themselves. In every way, it’s wise to encourage hope in the hearts of our fellow travelers. It’s among the greatest of all gifts, and it’s responsible for many of the best things in life.

“A master can tell you what he expects of you. A teacher, though, awakens your own expectations” (Patricia Neal).

Gary Henry – WordPoints.com + AreYouaChristian.com

     

“Youth, large, lusty, loving — youth, full of grace, force, fascination, do you know that old age may come after you with equal grace, force, fascination?” (Walt Whitman).

NO MATTER WHO WE ARE OR HOW FAR ALONG WE MAY BE ON LIFE’S PATHWAY, FASCINATION SHOULD CHARACTERIZE US. We should, on the one hand, be people who enjoy being fascinated by the assortment of wonders around us, but on the other hand, we should take an approach to life that gives our lives a little fascination of their own. “Being fascinating” doesn’t qualify as one of the major goals in life, obviously, but the fact remains: if a human life is well lived, fascination will be one of its natural by-products.

If something “fascinates” us, what does that mean? It means that it holds our interest with intense attraction. We are more than slightly curious about it; we are spellbound. Think of the snake charmer using music and movement to hold the unbroken attention of a cobra. Think of the hypnotist mesmerizing his subject or the orator enthralling his audience. The thing that fascinates us intrigues us. Doing more than pique our interest, it rivets our attention.

But what is it that really fascinates us? I like Calvin Miller’s suggestion: “Joy intrigues.” Isn’t that it? Aren’t we most powerfully intrigued by those who, despite the ups and downs and the occasional unhappiness of life, drink deeply of a joy that seems to be theirs no matter what? I think we are, and I think our fascination with joy is a significant clue to many of the mysteries of the human spirit.

We don’t become fascinating by imitating the ways in which other people are fascinating; we do it by entering deeply and enthusiastically into our own unique experience. One of the most fascinating people I’ve ever met was a lady who lived in the same retirement center as my father for a while. She was 104 years old, had never been married, and had been retired for over forty years from her job as a schoolteacher. Her fascination came not from having done anything offbeat, but from having wholeheartedly lived the life that was hers to live. And so the question is not what we’ve done; it’s how joyously we’ve let our years be used up, whether many or few.

There’s a fascination frantic
In a ruin that’s romantic;
Do you think you are sufficiently decayed?
(Sir William Schwenck Gilbert)

Gary Henry – WordPoints.com + AreYouaChristian.com

     

“There can be no economy where there is no efficiency” (Benjamin Disraeli).

BY DEFINITION, EFFICIENCY REDUCES WASTE, AND FOR THAT REASON, IT’S AN ESSENTIAL HABIT TO ACQUIRE. When our resources are scarce, it’s obviously important to minimize waste, but when they’re abundant, as they are for many of us in the modern world, it’s no less important to use those resources efficiently. When we’re plentifully supplied with raw materials for our work, it’s harder to see the need for carefulness, but abundance is never an excuse for waste, and we should always get the most good that we can out of every moment, every dollar, and every ounce of our strength.

One place where efficiency and good stewardship are especially important is the realm of personal talents and abilities. Since these are intangible qualities, it may be harder to see them as “resources,” but that’s what they are. Think, for example, about something like intelligence. The more intelligent a person is, the more they should use their intelligence efficiently, wasting as little of it as possible on unworthy pursuits. Susanna Wesley wrote this prayer: “Be pleased, O God, to grant unto me that great freedom of mind that will enable me to . . . manage the common affairs of life in such wise as not to misemploy or neglect the improvement of my talents.”

It has often been pointed out by teachers like Stephen R. Covey that “efficiency” must always be governed by “effectiveness.” We may climb life’s ladder with all the efficiency in the world (good technique), but if, when we get to the top, we find that we’ve had our ladder leaning against the wrong wall (wrong vision), we’re in trouble.

Working efficiently and effectively requires the old-fashioned quality of wisdom. There’s no shortcut to it — except our willingness to listen and learn from the wisdom of those who’ve gone before.

The thing to remember about efficiency is that we’re only in this world for a short time. Whatever contribution we want to make to the lives of those around us, we only have a limited number of days in which to make it. It’s common sense, then, to work as efficiently as we can. If by working efficiently, we can reach the end of our lives having done more good than by working any other way, that’s a powerful argument for learning how to be efficient.

“The possession of efficiency — the power to do” (Nicholas Murray Butler).

Gary Henry – WordPoints.com + AreYouaChristian.com