“There can be no unity, no delight of love, no harmony, no good in being, while there is but one. Two at least are needed for oneness” (George MacDonald).

OUR CONCEPT OF UNITY IS OFTEN QUITE SUPERFICIAL. We tend to equate unity with identity or sameness. We envision “oneness” as an environment where everybody walks, talks, and even thinks alike. But real unity, that is, unity between or among persons, is never that bland. Whatever else they might be able to do, clones can’t enjoy unity. “Two at least are needed for oneness,” as George MacDonald said.

The first thing we need to see about unity is the power for good that comes from being unified. It’s nothing short of astonishing to behold the potency of ordinary people who stand together. As Homer remarked in the Iliad, “Not vain the weakest, if their force unite.”

But the second thing we need to see is the seriousness of the consequences of disunity. When Ben Franklin, at the signing of the Declaration of Independence, reminded his fellow signers, “We must all hang together, or most assuredly, we shall all hang separately,” he spoke a more universal truth than he may have realized. There are, in fact, many ways to “hang separately” in the world, and many of them are the sad result of people not having the sense to “hang together.”

But unity, whether in families, neighborhoods, or nations at large, is not the instantaneous product of a moment of enlightenment; it’s a goal we gradually, and sometimes painfully, work our way toward. It’s the fruit of honest commitment and long-term investment.

In any relationship where we don’t presently have the unity we’d like to enjoy, the answer is not merely to try harder (although most of the time we certainly need to do that). We must change not only the quantity of our effort but the quality of our thinking. Our perspective must be altered, preferably by being elevated, so we can see how things look “from the balcony.” And before we blame all of the alienation on the other people in the relationship, let’s stop to remember that, as somebody said, “it takes two to tangle.” It’s not just the other people’s thinking that needs adjusting. Our own does too.

“We can find common ground only by moving to higher ground” (Jim Wallis).

Gary Henry – WordPoints.com + AreYouaChristian.com

     

“Were it not for the nonconformist, he who refuses to be satisfied to go along with the continuance of things as they are and insists upon attempting to find new ways of bettering things, the world would have known little progress indeed” (Josiah William Gitt).

COMMITTING OURSELVES TO CONSTANT PROGRESS IS ONE OF THE BEST GIFTS WE CAN GIVE TO THOSE WHOM WE LOVE. Right now, not one of us is everything we ought to be, and our loved ones suffer, to some extent, from our shortcomings. They would be delighted to see day-to-day evidence that we’re making progress in becoming the persons that we’re capable of being. But not only that, they’d be delighted to see evidence of a commitment on our part to make everything we touch at least a little better, if we possibly can.

A commitment to progress involves a certain amount of risk, however. It will probably make us somewhat of a nonconformist. As Josiah William Gitt notes, little progress would have been made in the world up to now if it weren’t for that out-of-step fellow who “refuses to be satisfied to go along with the continuance of things as they are and insists upon attempting to find new ways of bettering things.” If all we want is comfort and familiarity, progress will probably not be the result of our efforts. “Progress always involves risks. You can’t steal second base and keep your foot on first” (Frederick B. Wilcox).

When it comes to something better than the status quo, most of us could do with a little more desire. Things don’t usually get better, at least significantly better, unless someone really wants them to, and so we need to lose our fear of aspiration and passion. In a healthy sense, we need to be discontent with the progress that has already been made — and eager for the progress that’s still ahead.

Whether the need for improvement is in our inward character or the outward things we deal with, a commitment to progress is an act of both faith and hope. In defiance of those who say, “It’s no use,” we must trust what we know about the possibility of progress. Going forward isn’t easy, and setbacks are sure to be suffered along the way, but faith and hope say, “What needs to be improved, can be improved.”

“Progress begins with the belief that what is necessary is possible” (Norman Cousins).

Gary Henry – WordPoints.com + AreYouaChristian.com

     

“People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care” (Anonymous).

IT TAKES A PERSON OF UNUSUAL HONESTY TO CONFRONT THE QUESTION OF GOODWILL. It’s easy to say that we care about people and we have goodwill toward all, but it’s a rare person who can say those things and not be twisting the truth. Aren’t there a few individuals whom it would give us some secret pleasure to see hurt? Not a lot, of course, just a little bit . . . just to give them a taste of their own medicine . . . just to see that justice is done. It would, after all, be “for their own good,” wouldn’t it? Because we “care” about them.

The unvarnished truth is this: most of us ordinary folks have at least a trace of malevolence (“ill will”) in us. Where there should be benevolence (“good will”), there is too often a residue of spite or vindictiveness. We say we “don’t mean anybody any harm,” but we harbor the thought that harm is exactly what some people have got coming to them — and it wouldn’t hurt our feelings much to see them get it.

It’s my considered opinion, however, that ill will is not a way of thinking that’s natural to us. It’s a perversion, a warping of our better instincts. I agree with Václav Havel, who said, “Time and time again I have been persuaded that a huge potential of goodwill is slumbering within our society. It’s just that it’s incoherent, suppressed, confused, crippled, and perplexed.” So we need to be honest about it when we see that our goodwill has been “suppressed, confused, etc.,” and be relentless in rooting those interferences out of our hearts.

Whether our will toward others is good or ill, will is something we can change. If we’ve gotten into the habit of thinking hurtful thoughts about others, it may take some practice, but we can change our “ill will” into “good will.” We can determine to be benevolent.

But as we work on our goodwill, let’s make it better by making it more specific. Generic goodwill toward the human race is of relatively little use. What we need is an active, practical goodwill toward the people we actually have to deal with from day to day!

“You cannot add to the peace and goodwill of the world if you fail to create an atmosphere of harmony and love right where you live and work” (Thomas Dreier).

Gary Henry – WordPoints.com + AreYouaChristian.com

     

“The law is the last result of human wisdom acting upon human experience for the benefit of the public” (Samuel Johnson).

IF WE EVER GOT TO THE POINT WHERE WE THOUGHT OF “LAW” AS A TOTALLY NEGATIVE WORD, THAT WOULD BE UNFORTUNATE. The fact is, “law” is not a bad word. We need to rehabilitate the idea behind it and think of the entire subject more appreciatively.

The principle of law can be abused, of course, and when it comes to specific laws, there will always be some that need to be repealed. But as a basic concept, law ought not to be despised. All things considered, it’s good to have laws. We’re better off with them than without them, even when keeping them is inconvenient or expensive.

Sometimes we ask too much of law. Forgetting that the purpose of law is limited, we try to make it do things it can’t do. Disappointed with the results, we then become cynical about the value of law. Yet we’re too quick to be critical. Martin Luther King Jr. was right: “Morality cannot be legislated, but behavior can be regulated. Judicial decrees may not change the heart, but they can restrain the heartless.” Law can’t be the only tool we use to build a good society, but it’s certainly one tool, and it’s foolish to try to do without its help.

People who have made lawfulness a part of their character are a pleasure to work with and to live next door to and to be friends with. A willingness to be bound by the rules makes a person dependable. We tend to trust those who can be counted on to honor the law’s restraints; with them, the possibility of unpleasant surprises is much less fearful.

So if we appreciate this trait in others, we need to adopt it ourselves. We need to steer clear of the arrogance and unpredictability of lawlessness and develop a genuine appreciation for legal limits. As noted above, those aren’t the only limits we need, but all of us do need them to some extent, and we ought to appreciate them as far as they go. In one way or another, most of us would like the world to be “a better place.” The rule of law can help bring about that result, but we’ll enjoy little of its benefit if we ourselves don’t obey the law.

“I sometimes wish that people would put a little more emphasis upon the observance of the law than they do upon its enforcement” (Calvin Coolidge).

Gary Henry – WordPoints.com + AreYouaChristian.com

     

“You will break the bow if you keep it always bent” (Greek Proverb).

IN A WORLD WHERE “MANAGING MULTIPLE PRIORITIES” HAS BECOME A SURVIVAL SKILL, WE FIND OURSELVES CEASELESSLY BUSY. Rarely do we relax, and even when we do, we book a time slot for it in our day planners, as if relaxation were simply another item to check off our agendas. Plainly, we are a driven people. But what is it that drives us? Whatever it is (and truthfully, there are dozens of different possibilities), we need to be exceedingly careful these days. Unrelieved activity will kill us. The bow will break if it’s always bent.

Is it productivity we’re concerned about? There are doubtless many good things to be done nowadays, but those who know the most about real productivity understand the need for adequate downtime. Relaxation doesn’t take away from our productivity; it adds to it. Winston Churchill said, “I found I could add nearly two hours to my working day by going to bed for an hour after luncheon.”

Do we feel guilty when we’re doing nothing? I remember a conversation years ago with the girl who ended up graduating with the highest academic average in our college class of several thousand. She had dropped by my apartment one afternoon, and greeted me with the usual, “Hi, whatcha doing?” When I said, “Nothing,” she was aghast! “Don’t you feel guilty?” she said. “Not at all,” I replied, and I went on to introduce her to the concept of “creative inactivity.” I believed then, and I still believe today, that we need to get over the idea that relaxing by doing nothing is morally wrong. Having worked, we need to relax.

It’s certainly true that doing something different is often the best way to relax. Anatole France went so far as to say, “Man is so made that he can only find relaxation from one kind of labor by taking up another.” I’m not sure we can only find relaxation by taking up another kind of labor, but even so, France’s general point is well taken.

I’m still confident, however, that there are times when it’s not only not wrong to do nothing, but nothing’s the most beneficial thing we can do. And if we can’t ever — at any time, under any circumstance — bring ourselves to do that, we need to ask ourselves, “Why?”

“He does not seem to me to be a free man who does not sometimes do nothing” (Cicero).

Gary Henry – WordPoints.com + AreYouaChristian.com

     

“Speak the affirmative” (Ralph Waldo Emerson).

TO AFFIRM SOMETHING IS TO SAY “YES!” TO IT. The opposite of a denial, in which we state what we don’t believe, an affirmation is a positive, firm declaration of what we do believe. When we affirm things, we maintain that they’re true. And I want to “affirm” that maintaining what we believe is something we should do more often than refuting what we don’t believe. In debating terms, we should find ourselves more often in the affirmative than in the negative.

Affirmation is constructive, while negation is reactionary. When we’re denying things, we’re reacting against a position that someone else has taken, and to a certain extent, that means we’re merely responding to someone else’s agenda. It’s much more proactive to affirm things that we ourselves believe are worthy of belief.

Certainly, some negation is necessary in life. Only a naive person would think otherwise. But every moment we spend having to deny falsehoods is a moment lost from the more important work of building up the positive contribution we want to make in the world. Like some household chores, negation is work that occasionally has to be tended to, but those with an affirmative outlook on life will always be eager to get back to the business of saying “Yes!”

There are at least two things we should want to affirm as often as we can. In the realm of ideas, we should take delight in affirming things that are true. And in the realm of personal relationships, we should take delight in affirming things that are positive. Whatever falsehoods need to be refuted, it should bring us great pleasure to declare truthful concepts and admirable qualities in others.

When we engage in the act of affirmation, we are saying “Yes!” to life and all the good things that are in it. And even in a broken, imperfect world, there are still many such things that should claim our attention. Granted, there are some things in life to be against, but the things we can be for are far greater. Let’s not fail to affirm them!

“Affirmation of life is the spiritual act by which man ceases to live unreflectively and begins to devote himself to his life with reverence in order to raise it to its true value. To affirm life is to deepen, to make more inward, and to exalt the will to live” (Albert Schweitzer).

Gary Henry – WordPoints.com + AreYouaChristian.com

     

Let me come in where you are weeping, friend,
And let me take your hand.
(Grace Noll Crowell)

LIFE IS HARD, AND IF WE HAVE THE EYES TO SEE, WE SEE ALL AROUND US PEOPLE NEEDING COMFORT. The sources of discomfort are as numerous and varied as the people who are hurting, but the end result is much the same: people need comfort. Considering the vastness of the need, it may be discouraging to think how little difference for good any of us can make in alleviating the suffering that’s in the world. But the vastness of the need may not be the thing we need to concentrate on. Wouldn’t it be better to concentrate on those few individuals whom we can comfort? In their lives, at least, we can make a difference, and they deserve that we give it our best effort.

Grief. Many of those who need our comfort are those who are grieving the loss of something valuable to them. Whether it’s a loved one they’ve lost, or something else (such as a relationship, a hope, or a dream), it hurts to lose things. Grieving people need our comfort.

Hardship. If there are sorrowful things in the world, there are also difficult things that have to be dealt with. And while the need for comfort during hardship may not be as poignant as the same need during grief, it’s no less real. Struggling people need our comfort.

Fear. When people don’t know what’s going to happen, but they suspect it’s not going to be good, fear is the emotion that results. And fear, in its many forms, can be one of life’s most debilitating and dehumanizing experiences. Frightened people need our comfort.

Our word “comfort” comes from the same root as the word “fortify.” Its literal meaning is “to strengthen.” I believe it does us good to recognize the strengthening, fortifying power of comfort. To comfort someone is a truly remarkable thing. When we comfort, we often do no less than pull the comforted one back from the brink of despair, or even of death. It’s a doable thing, and we need to do it more often.

“Those who can sit in silence with their fellowman, not knowing what to say but knowing that they should be there, can bring new life in a dying heart. Those who are not afraid to hold a hand in gratitude, to shed tears in grief, and to let a sigh of distress arise straight from the heart can break through paralyzing boundaries and witness the birth of a new fellowship, the fellowship of the broken” (Henri J. M. Nouwen).

Gary Henry – WordPoints.com + AreYouaChristian.com

     

“When I approach a child, he inspires in me two sentiments: tenderness for what he is, and respect for what he may become” (Louis Pasteur).

NONE OF US HAS EVER MET A HUMAN BEING WHO DIDN’T DESERVE SOME RESPECT. Faults and foolish decisions shouldn’t be respected, of course, and evil character can’t be condoned. But our desire should be to give as much respect as we can. In the case of almost everybody, what they are, even right now, should be met with some “tenderness,” and when we consider what they may become, “respect” is not too strong a word to describe what we should feel for them.

Respect means showing regard for and esteeming others. To respect other people is to hold them in honor and to treat them accordingly. As C. S. Lewis liked to say, there is no such thing as an “ordinary” human being. No human being ever existed who didn’t have unimaginably glorious possibilities, and that fact ought to elicit our respect.

Respect means not violating or interfering with others. Whatever closeness may develop between human beings, it’s still true that individuals have boundaries that need to be respected. Respect means not violating another person’s privacy or interfering with their free will.

There will be occasions when we’re not sure how much respect to extend to a particular person. There’s no denying that the offering of respect requires wisdom and good judgment. But if we err, wouldn’t it be better to err on the side of extending too much respect rather than too little? In the grand scheme of things, it does much less harm to respect a person more than he or she deserves than it does to withhold the respect that is due. Indeed, most of us know from our own experience that having someone love us, trust us, and respect us more than we know we deserve is a powerfully motivating thing. It makes us want to rise to meet the expectations of those who respect us.

We probably underestimate how much depends upon respect in our relationships with others. It’s valuable in every relationship, and absolutely essential in some. And it’s exceedingly hard to replace if it’s ever lost. So we dare not take it for granted. We dare not act in ways that make respect more difficult, either for us or for those around us.

“He removes the greatest ornament of friendship who takes away from it respect” (Cicero).

Gary Henry – WordPoints.com + AreYouaChristian.com

     

“Recognition of the individual affirms respect for human dignity and the uniqueness of each person” (Charles Colson).

IT’S A DELIGHTFUL THING TO BE A PERSON WHO “RECOGNIZES” OTHER PEOPLE. Contrary to the thinking of the chronically competitive, it doesn’t take anything away from us to acknowledge others and their accomplishments. We don’t lose anything by the recognition of those around us; we gain a great deal — almost as much, in fact, as those whom we recognize. “Appreciation is a wonderful thing: it makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well” (Voltaire).

Basically, recognition means that we “notice” someone, but when we use the word, we usually mean the favorable noticing of that person. When we give recognition, we’re acknowledging that we’re aware of, and we appreciate, the good qualities of another person. And shouldn’t it be obvious that that’s a good thing to do? As Charles Colson reminds us, recognizing another individual is an affirmation of our “respect for human dignity and the uniqueness of each person.”

One of the most universal of human traits is the need to be appreciated. Some individuals, of course, allow that need to become obsessive, and their lives turn out to be no more than a quest for approval and praise. But even the most emotionally healthy among us need some appreciation. We need to know that there’s at least someone who recognizes our individuality and our efforts to do good works.

Nowhere is recognition more important than in the marriage relationship. Oliver Goldsmith wasn’t overstating the case much when he said, “All that a husband or wife really want is to be pitied a little, praised a little, appreciated a little.” It’s such an easy, enjoyable thing to honor our mates with recognition, but it’s often neglected.

Yet whether in marriage or in other relationships, few things are more motivating than recognition. When specific praise is given to someone in a way that is thoughtfully appropriate to them personally, great good comes from that, almost without exception. So let’s recognize one another. Let’s do it thoughtfully. And let’s do it regularly.

“If you want people to understand that you value their contributions and that they are important, the recognition and praise you provide must have meaning that is specific to each individual” (Tom Rath).

Gary Henry – WordPoints.com + AreYouaChristian.com

     

“Learn from others what to pursue and what to avoid, and let your teachers be the lives of others” (Dionysius Cato).

IT’S A SIMPLE THING, BUT IT’S HARD TO ADOPT: THE WILLINGNESS TO BE INSTRUCTED. If any instruction needs to take place, it’s more satisfying to our pride to be the instructor rather than the instructee. Most of us would agree that straightening out someone else is more comfortable than being straightened out ourselves!

But if we back away from being instructed, we cut ourselves off from most of the learnings that make our lives useful and enjoyable. “Learn from others what to pursue and what to avoid,” Dionysius Cato said, and his advice is full of insight. When others try to share with us the wisdom they’ve learned from the mistakes they’ve made, common sense says we ought to be “instructable.” We need to learn from the mistakes of others because, as the old saying goes, we won’t live nearly long enough to make them all ourselves.

However, there are certainly times when our own experience can be a powerful teacher, and on such occasions we need to be just as open to our own “instruction” as we are when someone else is teaching. That’s especially true when our experience is the painful kind. Benjamin Franklin knew what he was talking about when he said, “Those things that hurt, instruct.” Yet we often ignore pain’s lessons and have to repeat our schooling even more painfully later on.

If someone pointed out how many times a day we’re in the position of either instructing or being instructed, we’d probably be surprised. The fact is, much of life consists of these two interactions. So, the more we can learn about what makes a good instructor and a good instructee, the more advantage we give ourselves in life.

When was the last time you willingly let yourself be instructed? If the honest answer is that it has been a long time, you may be older than you realize — or you may simply have let your mind grow old before its time. Like it or not, “instructability” (or the lack of it) is a prime indicator of how much life we’ve got left in us!

“Every act of conscious learning requires the willingness to suffer an injury to one’s self-esteem. That is why young children, before they are aware of their own self-importance, learn so easily; and why older persons, especially if vain or important, cannot learn at all” (Thomas S. Szasz).

Gary Henry – WordPoints.com + AreYouaChristian.com