Moments later, at the Hall of Justice...

************************************************************
Yoyodyne Entertainment News                  August 16, 1996
Issue #56              Worldwide delivery to over 30 cities.
************************************************************

In This Week's Issue:

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
o The Dominican Republic
o The Floors, The Flooooooooooooors!
o The Kitty Factor
o World Travel with Dr. Hans Phelan 
o The Yoyodyne Dictionary
o Letters
o Great Web Sites
o Credits!
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>


************************
The Dominican Republic
************************

The oldest university in the Western Hemisphere is located 
in Santo Domingo, the DOMINICAN REPUBLIC.

JT Gregory

*source: Grolier Electronic Publishing, Inc.

-------

That's riiiiiight! So JT Gregory, Ralph Wirthlin, Chris 
Morong, and a few other people won an envelope full of 
goodies from Yoyodyne. Hooray!

And speaking of the Hidden Question, can I add one clause to 
the game? When you find the question and know the answer, 
can you send your name and address along with the answer? 
That way, if you win, I don't have to send you another 
e-mail asking for your name and address, and then by the 
time I get your name and address, I can't remember what you 
won or who you are, so I have to send you another e-mail 
asking you what you won. Then you send me back an e-mail 
telling me that, but not including your name and address, 
which I've since forgotten/deleted, so we have to start ALL 
OVER again.

So when you send the Hidden Question answer to 
editor@yoyo.com, please include your name and address, okay? 
It'll make things way easier. Thanks.


************************************
The Floors, The Flooooooooooooors!
************************************

We had some guy come in to do a free estimate of our floors. 
He lifted up a bunch of the carpet and looked at the 
underneath. Then he said the floor was in too crummy of 
shape to be able to paint it. We'd have to put carpeting 
down. I guess it wasn't just simple hardwood; it was like, 
big planks in the middle of places and some of it was 
rotting away, etc. etc.

So Heather and I have a date tonight to go to Sears and 
check out their commercial carpeting. Not the prettiest, but 
it's what we can afford. At least we can throw area rugs 
over it if we want to. I'm hoping to find a nice, deep red. 
Something that'll spruce the place up a bit. It's so yucky 
right now. 

We'll see.


******************
The Kitty Factor
******************

So you know my roommate Heather has a kitty. He's a boy. 6 
months old, all black. If I don't look carefully I mistake 
him for Grover. And Grover for him. 

His name is Baby, and he's nuts. I mean, my kitties were 
probably like that at that age, too, and I'm forgetting. But 
he runs around the house, yowling and having these little 
kitty acid-flashbacks, and he kind of stalks my cats. Milo 
has smacked him a couple of times, and Grover hates him. If 
he even hears Baby in the other room, he starts growling. 
Milo has slowly come to terms with Baby and now they 
occasionally have a sniffing-fest which looks like they're 
smooching. But Grover won't budge.

So I'm a little worried. But more than anything, I'm not 
getting a good night's sleep. Here's the scenario: Baby is 
out in the living room, my cats are shut away in my room 
with me. Heather can't keep Baby in her room because he 
screams and scratches at her door. So he's out in the living 
room, knowing that my cats are in my room. And he screams 
and scratches at my door. Which either wakes me up or keeps 
me up. 

So then I throw him in the bathroom. You can still hear him 
screaming and scratching, but at least it's not right at 
your door, and you can manage to fall back asleep. Then my 
cats wake me up, running all over my bed and wrestling with 
each other. 

I've tried variations, where I put Baby and Milo in the 
living room and Grover stays with me. This works out okay 
until about 5 a.m., when Baby realizes that Grover is in 
there with me and he REALLY wants to see him. Hence, he 
starts screaming and scratching at my door, waking me up. I 
throw him in the bathroom, Milo comes into my room and purrs 
and drools all over me, and by then I'm pretty much awake.

It's like having kids sometimes. Except without all the 
tasty mashed carrots.

P.S. The litter is in the bathroom, which brings up the 
delicate subject of forcing kitties to wait all night to go 
-- ethical or cruel? Yet, if I threw all of them out into 
the living room to fend for themselves, Grover would be 
miserable. I can find no easy answer.


************************************
World Travel with Dr. Hans Phelan 
************************************

ARGENTINES MISTAKEN ABOUT U.S. WOMEN GYMNASTS
Judd Hirsch Played by a Woman

BUENOS AIRES>> Although I can't imagine that your readers 
will find much of interest "accompanying" me on the 
international edema symposium circuit, I am happy to comply 
with your gracious request for occasional foreign 
correspondence.

Buenos Aires was the site of the five-day 19th Pan American. 
As July is Argentina's January, "the Paris of South America" 
was rainy, windy, and cold when my evening flight landed. 
The phones at the faceless Hilton (Avenid a 9 de Julio, near 
the Teatro Nacional Cervantes) were out, a chronic 
inconvenience for the Argentines, it seems. Anxious, tired 
and bored, I turned on the television and what should be on 
but the opening ceremonies of the Atlanta Olympics! In spite 
of the antiquated Argentine broadcast technology -- "ghosts" 
and "comet tails" -- there was no mistaking our gleaming 
American pomp. It was an odd sensation, I'd have to think it 
was like an astronaut's view of earth from the moon, though 
much more out of focus.

Between morning and afternoon symposium sessions, some of us 
found the old Cafe Tortoni or "sexier" Cafe La Paz (both 
decorated with leering portraits of tango singer Carlos 
Gardel, the Argentine Elvis), where the running dialogues 
concerned the casting of Madonna as Evita Peran (less a 
question of right vs. wrong than one of wrong vs. very 
wrong) and the gold medal U.S. Women's Gymnastics team. My 
niece has since explained the nuances of the drama, but I 
witnessed the events from the perspective of a foreign 
culture possessed of the following misconceptions:

* In her floor routine, Dominique Moceanu made a little 
clapping move next to her face. In Argentina this is a very 
vulgar gesture. She should not visit Buenos Aires any time 
soon.

* Argentine broadcasters referred to the American hero Kerri 
Strug as "The Piranha," presumably for her tenacity. The 
name used for her in the cafes, however, translates as 
"Oinkie."

* Shannon Miller was an object of unwholesome interest.

By day three of the symposium, enough was enough and I 
skipped Dr. Randall Sutherland's tiresome program on his 
research at Ponds Institute (I think it is) to accompany Dr. 
Edson Gracie of Brazil to the lovely home of Dr. Esther 
Gilio for drinks before dinner at a parilla. Also present 
were Dr. Gilio's two snooty teenaged portenas and her 
amusing nine year-old, Fiora, who dragged me into the 
kitchen to watch her favorite television program, "Tim." As 
it turns out, "Tim" is just the Argentine broadcast of old 
"Taxi" episodes, the Alex Reiger character renamed. It is 
enormously popular, no doubt owing in part to one peculiar 
adaption. Apparently for purely comic reasons, Judd Hirsch's 
voice is dubbed over into Spanish by a high-voiced woman. 
Every time "he" spoke, Fiora collapsed in hysterical 
laughter. Even when Tim was giving Chipi serious advice.

The morning I left the weather had cleared. Hard, low winter 
sunlight set the place glowing. Quite magical and made me 
think that had the symposium been scheduled for a warmer 
month, I would have skipped the whole thing just to
wander the worn colonial monuments, which explains the 
winter scheduling, I suppose.

DR. HANS PHELAN.


*************************
The Yoyodyne Dictionary
*************************

Dear Wendy,

Hi. I have a question about the proper usage of a word. I 
keep wanting to use the word "snacky" as an adjective to 
describe something that is nifty or good in a superficial or 
ephemeral way. For example, a ten-dollar bonus is "snacky," 
since it is great to have but will leave no lasting effect 
on one's life. Or a fun ditty on the radio would be 
"snacky," since it is good to listen to for a week or so, 
but it is not a lasting piece of art.

The problem is that I've never heard anyone else use this 
term in this way, and I have no idea where I appropriated my 
definition. Is this a well-understood word, and can I 
continue to use it in casual conversation?

JTK

-------

Wow. I defer to the prodigious vocabulary abilities of JTK! 
I'm serious. NEVER have I thought to use snacky in such a -- 
well, delicious way. It works on so many levels. 

I propose, right here, in this very newsletter, that 
Yoyodyne adopt "snacky" in all of its glory, to be used not 
only as a way to express the desire for a tasty portion of 
custard, but also as a way to convey pleasure when approving 
of something small, but wonderful. So simple, yet so 
significant. Snacky.

Example sentence:

" Glow-in-the-dark nail polish? Ooooooooh snacky!"

(P.S. I find the use of "oooooooooooooh!" before "snacky" to 
be quite tasty.)


*********
Letters
*********

Dear Editor,

I am on only my second newsletter, and I am thrilled. Quite 
impressed with your writing style, Wendy, as well as your 
keen appreciation for the absurd in life. (What else would 
you call a clear liquid with yellow dots?) I also appreciate 
your courage -- both sharing your self with us and drinking 
the liquid from hell.

I am also impressed with Karen's advice. As a Psychology 
student, as well as resident counselor and dry shoulder for 
family and friends alike, I have to say her responses are 
right on target in my opinion. They are exactly the 
responses I would give, were I asked, and had enough time to 
respond creatively, and had such a gift for the spectacular 
turn of phrase.

Keep up the good work. It is like visiting with friends on 
the other side of the continent. Wish I was closer -- I 
would help pull the carpet.

- Toni Herrick, Los Angeles, California -

---------------------------------------------------------

Wendy,

I can only say... You're the greatest. And I don't know what 
that Orbitz stuff is but it sounds revolting to the extreme. 
Thanks for risking life and limb and testing it out for us. 

You are too brave.

Alicia Patrick

---------------------------------------------------------

Hey Wendy:

I just love your newletter. I think your insights are really 
cool and I can never answer your hidden questions.

Anyway, How did you get a great job, like writing a 
newsletter on the Internet??? Could I get a job like yours? 
If at all possible, give me any hints to get a job like 
yours. I am a recent graduate of Western Michigan University 
and I am looking for a permanent job. I am currently working 
but the work is just temporary. You guys just seem to have 
so much fun that I would love to know how to have that much 
fun on a job!! :0 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks,

Heather Grimes, The temporary worker

--------------------
Editor's Response:
--------------------

Heather the Temp:

You should write us a nice e-mail telling us you are, what 
you like to do, and why we would love to have you here. Send 
it to greatjob@yoyo.com and if it makes sense, we'll write 
you back, probably asking more questions. After that, who 
knows.

That's how I got my job here. : )

---------------------------------------------------------

>I'll go through my e-mail again and send prizes to 10 of 
>the people who answered, just randomly. And then I'll find 
>a question that (hopefully) isn't so ambiguous for this 
>week, so we can all get back to business.
> 
>How's that sound? : )

Not bad! I suggest we replace the phrase "Wisdom of Solomon" 
with "Wisdom of Wendy". That updates the cliche *and* is 
more fun to say.

Just a thought.

-- Mad, impetuous Harold Norris

---------------------------------------------------------

** High Priority **

Hi all,

I know you have been getting accolades for your newsletter, 
but I would just like to say that I love the credits! I am 
always antsy just to see what they will say. So I skip over 
the body of the letter and go straight to them.
 
Weird, huh,

e. 

---------------------------------------------------------

Ms. Hall (His Boy Elroy),

We out here cannot really know if the Wendy Hall who sends 
out the YEN is a real person or the very clever invention of 
(perhaps) her evil twin. We can, a little, identify with the 
joy and irritation of the visit of a forgetful Mom. We try 
hard to relate to the large discomfort of meeting a long-
absent Dad. And we get to see sides of our own interest in 
other people in our reactions to the adventures of Wendy 
Hall, Editor. Thank you for showing us these parts of who-
you-are. We are more alive because of you.

Geoff

martin_geoff@prc.com

---------------------------------------------------------

I have subscribed to this newsletter for several weeks. I 
now am of the opinion that Y.E.N. should stand for the 
Yoyodyne ESTROGEN Newsletter. While I am at times amused at 
the content and the sharp and talented wit of Ms. Wendy, I 
read it each week with the same sort of macabre curiosity 
one has in trying to positively identify the species of a 
roadkill (or listening to the Howard Stern radio show). The 
newsletter has all the male perspective of a "Cathy" cartoon 
strip; it could use a little more balance. For example, the 
movie review on Independence Day could have discussed a 
little more about the aliens and the special effects rather 
than the wardrobe of the First Lady and the 'hunkiness' of 
Bill Pullman. I'm sure that I'll be fascinated by the future 
narrative describing the replacement of Wendy's carpeting. 
I'd like to see a 'This Old House' angle. Realistically, 
however, I am expecting the 'Brady-girls-build-a-clubhouse-
of-their-own' version.

That's just my opinion -- I could be entirely missing the 
point.

Mr. Concerned

--------------------
Editor's Response:
--------------------

Dear Mr. Concerned,

Don't make me hit you with my purse.

---------------------------------------------------------

Oh the disappointment! I just KNEW that you were going to 
let us have the URL for the orbitz drink-people. And then 
when you didn't...I was crushed. Your description of the 
Satanish drink was extremely vivid. I was simultaneously 
horrified and intrigued. I just had to see this for myself, 
and I knew Wendy would help me out. Oh well, I guess I'll 
just have to read your description again.

Randy

--------------------
Editor's Response:
--------------------

Sorry, I forgot. The URL is www.orbitz.com. It's a spooky 
site. (No pun intended.)


*****************
Great Web Sites
*****************

People have requested on various occasions that I point the 
way to some cool Web sites in the newsletter. The thing 
about it is, I really don't care for the Web. I don't surf. 
It's slow, and most of what you find is either stupid, 
boring, or both.

But I really wanted to find something good this week, so I 
started looking for Tupperware sites. I just love 
Tupperware. (That's right, it's an estrogen thing.) I 
thought maybe if I found a groovy site I could peruse the 
newest models, perhaps order an item or two.

I went to Yahoo and searched under "Tupperware." Seventeen 
sites popped up. Wow. I went to a few "regular" people's 
sites (the 90s way to sell products, right?) and ended up on 
the Official Tupperware site. Let's face it, what I wanted 
were pictures. In the end there was nothing I really needed 
or could afford, but there WAS a link to some kind of Web 
Mall. I went for it.

Whilst perusing for beds, I came across "area rugs." Online? 
Could it be? I clicked onward.

Well. Let me tell you, I've found area rug heaven on the 
Web. Here are the sites, with a little reviewsky:

* Area Rugs On-Line: www.3dmall.com/8/frames.html

This site had LOTS of rugs. It seemed like most of them were 
6 X 9, which is a pretty good size, I think. The prices 
varied anywhere from around $100 to $200. The best thing was 
all the PICTURES which I could stare at and drool all over 
and was I ever delighted when I discovered you could click 
on the pictures TO GET A BETTER LOOK. Delivery was within 2 
weeks (not bad, methinks) and they gave you the price of 
shipping and handling right under the rug's price. Wasn't 
bad.

* Rug Merchants: wsp2.wspice.com/worldmarketonline/rugs/

This site didn't have as many rugs, BUT they were way 
cheaper. The rug I had my eye on was $69.95 INCLUDING 
SHIPPING AND HANDLING. I know I'm yelling a lot, but this 
was exciting stuff for me. I'm telling you, I'm usually 
bored to tears on the Web. Even the Pee-Wee Herman sites are 
a yawn. I hadn't thought about the miracle of online 
shopping.

This site also allowed you to click on the rug to get a 
better look, to see the colors it came in, and they also 
seemed to be primarily 6 X 9s. A few of them were really 
ugly, but most of them were quite nice.

What I wonder is would it be totally stupid to order an area 
rug over the Internet? Not because of the credit card thing, 
but the sight-unseen thing. I mean, they looked swell in the 
pictures, and someone had written up charming descriptions 
of each rug, but hey, who knows? Of course, for $69.95 
including shipping and handling, that might be a risk I want 
to take. I wonder if there's any return policy. I should 
check on that. 


************************************************************
Credits!

Editor, Writer, Macht Kinder Froh: Wendy Hall

Guest Copyeditor, Und Erwachsene Ebenso: Malcolm Faulds

Official Credits Reader: e.

Yoyodyne Entertainment News is published every Friday (and 
it's FREE). To subscribe, simply send an e-mail to 
yoyonews@yoyo.com.

Send queries and explanations to editor@yoyo.com.

To get more information on Yoyodyne, or to find out about 
the spectacular games we're currently running, send e-mail 
to win@yoyo.com and/or newsfaq@yoyo.com.

If for any reason you would like to cancel your subscription 
to Yoyodyne Entertainment News, send e-mail to 
newsquit@yoyo.com. 

Schnecken!
************************************************************