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Yoyodyne Entertainment News                    June 14, 1996   
Issue #48                                      A modest one.
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In This Week's Issue:

<:><:><:><:><:><:><:>
o What's Happening
o Grass Guy Tidings
o Something
o Letters
o Credits!
<:><:><:><:><:><:><:>

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What's Happening
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On CompuServe, two games -- Just Kidding and Know It All -- 
start today! Just Kidding gives you a topic and you send in 
a joke. Know It All is for the EXTREME trivia lover -- you 
know, like one of the people who actually gets on Jeopardy. 
Prizes are your very own clown for a day and a telescope. 
(Guess which prize goes with which game.) If you're a 
CompuServe subscriber, then go YOYO. If not, then sorry to 
tease you like that, man.

Question of the Worst, one of our contests run on our Web 
page, just won an award! The "Top 100 Contests Online" 
people named us in their distinguished list. It's a good 
game, for those of you not familiar with it. We ask for 
stories about worst dates, first days of school, jobs, etc. 
Not only do we post a new topic each week, but we save the 
best stories and put them on our Web site for the world to 
peruse. Check it out at http://www.yoyo.com.

Laurie, one of our newest additions to Yoyodyne, is 
currently whipping up a game to run over the Internet called 
"MelowDrama." I'll keep you posted. (But don't I always?)


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Grass Guy Tidings
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I was touched and a little taken aback at the amount of 
sympathy mail I got for the passing of Grass Guy. Of course, 
some of you couldn't resist a good pun (as neither can I), 
but I also got a great poem. See here:

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From: Dave Ufford

**ODE TO A GRASS GUY**

Grass Guy, oh, Grass Guy,
The apple of dear Wendy's eye.
We ask ourselves, "Oh why, oh why,
Did the poor Grass Guy have to die?"

He was more than just a Grass Guy, though.
He also had a name, you know.
Noel was his appellation.
And through Yoyo 'News his fame spread
Throughout the nation.

He didn't have a body, only a neck and head.
He didn't have much to say.
He was quiet, instead.
But wisdom grew like his hair of fescue,
And we all took our cue,
From the Grass Guy, too.

To serve as inspiration
Was his plight.
And keeping hard working editors company,
Working into the night.

But his time has come 
And gone, don't ya know.
That Kentucky Blue 
Just would not grow.

Now he's gone, gone, 
But his mem'ry lingers on.
No Coward was our Noel,
He faced the end, he made his goal.

He brought cheer
To those right here,
Tonight we'll toast him 
With a beer.

Then we'll go on with a smile,
'Cause we know he went in style.
Grassy Noel, you, we salute.
Go on a Head and don't pollute.


Sincere condolences on the passing of the grass.

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Just wanted to let you know that my sunflowers are all 
wearing black stalkbands in remembrance.

   The Rubber Rabbit

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Dear Wendy and Yoyo-ites,

  My sincere condolences on your recent loss. Farewell, 
Grass Guy! I knew thee well, though not at all.  May you 
rest in a happier place, where the lawn is never mowed, the 
sun shines all the day and the weeds of despair are but a 
memory.

Angel's Luck & Electric Dreams,
Cris

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How tragic, how sad! I think I speak for many of us when I 
say we had great hopes for Grass Guy, and I, for one, longed 
for the stories of Grass Guy finding his true love, and 
hoped to hear how your office would soon be filled with the 
pitter-patter of little grass feet.

He will be missed.

However, I am concerned that he was not given the true 
dignity deserved by such as he. Couldn't you have allowed 
him to give his life for others? Wasn't there a potted plant 
somewhere that could have used a little extra dirt?

Remember him fondly . . .

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Dear Wendy,

Please accept my sincerest sympathies. You realize, of 
course, Grass Guy's passing on was an "Act of Sod".  ;-)

--Ken

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I give my solemn respect for the recent departure of the 
Grass Guy....he was an inspiration to us all who were in 
desperate need of a good hair day.

--Julie Green 

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Wendy

I am an ex-grass guy owner/caretaker as yourself. My grass 
guy (a.k.a. Spike) met with a similar end as did your grass 
guy. He contracted the Moldy Brown Grass Plague which I have 
reason to believe is sweeping the country as we speak. Is 
there nothing that can be done to stop this terrible 
epidemic?... I say Grass Guy owners of the world unite! We 
must put an end to this problem! I was forced to put Spike 
out of his misery. He was cremated. We must do something 
before more are lost.

-Seth Emmons

P.S. To all Grass Guy owners past and present. If you wish 
to share your feelings on the subject send e-mail to: 
AS_117730@tccsa.ohio.gov


***********
Something
***********

I don't really have anything to say. I'm trying to find an 
apartment closer to work and I keep getting foiled by people 
who don't like cats. It dawns on me what a responsibility 
they are when I can't get an apartment because I have them. 

I rearranged my furniture again, but my place still looks 
crappy. I want a real apartment. The space I live in now is 
like a dorm room.

My kitties woke me up at five this morning attacking a paper 
bag. When I threw a pillow at them they stopped, but then 
they started jumping around the house and whining. I decided 
to go to work early because I was wide awake anyway. When I 
walked outside the smell of heat, humidity, and New York hit 
me. Phew.

I listened to Tracey Chapman's new album when I got into 
work. I like it. It's cool and mellow. 

Today's one of those days I wish I had a doggie. Someone to 
go for a walk with. Someone to drive around in my non-
existent car with. You know.


********
Letters
********

To the editor:

I will agree with Mr. Wesselhoff that the average Americon 
does spend too much time in front of the "idiot box". 
However, he does fail to acknowledge "its" benefits. If the 
average American spends "too much" time in front of the box 
full of yummy looking mouse sized people (my cat Luschka's 
definition), then it may be in an editor of an e-zines best 
interest to keep a finger on the cable induced pulse of that 
e-zines constituents.

Mr. Wesselhoff is apparantly in that group that views TV as 
inherently evil. He should remember that "evil" is just 
"love" spelled backwards, and wrong. There are many 
inherently good things about TV.
	
Without going into the educational value of TV (which I 
admit is limited, God knows I've tried using the brightness 
knob to elevate the stupid level of some shows), Mr. 
Wesselhoff has missed an even more valuable function of TV. 
We, as a species, enjoy mindless entertainment. We do not 
need or desire to always be intellectually stimulated or 
challenged. Getting lost in the brain numbing realm of TV is 
far better than, say the brain numbing realm of drugs. I 
would rather my kids got hooked on "The Mighty Morphin Power 
Rangers" than crack.
	
I would guess that being the editor for Yoyodyne (yes, it 
was a company in the Buckeroo Banzai movie [I read the book 
too], but it was run by the Red Lectroids not the Betazoids 
[they are from Star Trek]) must be challenging and exciting, 
and we know that you also have a variety of interests (based 
on the variety of shows you reference), so you must have a 
"life", which Mr. Wesselhoff seems to think you are lacking. 
You should continue living your life and feel free to escape 
to TV land anytime you want. Just remember what my Grandma 
used to say, "everything in moderation".
	
Keep up the good work, love the "NEWS", having a blast with 
the Dilbert Trivia contest, have fun...

		toby...

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That's right -- I've got my finger on the pulse, baby! Oh, 
the things I do for you readers... and what thanks do I 
get?? -wh
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To the editor:

For cute relationship pranks, here's one I had pulled on me 
which I've used on subsequent girlfriends with good results: 

You're walking through the grocery store and go down the 
aisle with diapers for some reason such as to get to the 
other side of the store. Stop in front of the baby diapers 
and cough loudly. When the significant other turns around to 
see what's going on, say "Don't you think we should get 
diapers?!!!?" out loud. When the person says "why?" or 
something to that effect, say loudly, "Ignoring the baby 
isn't going to make him go away. I think you'd better get 
some diapers NOW and start taking care of things." Wait a 
few seconds, then giggle and walk away. :-)


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Credits!

Editor, Writer, Puddy-Cat: Wendy Hall

Copyeditor, Fuvvy-Dog: Jennifer Konig

The Yoyodyne Entertainment News is published every Friday. 
To subscribe (it's FREE!) send e-mail to yoyonews@yoyo.com.

Send a vowel to editor@yoyo.com.

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e-mail to win@yoyo.com and/or newsfaq@yoyo.com.

If for any reason you would like to cancel your 
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to newsquit@yoyo.com. 

I am SO hungry.
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