In This Week's Issue:
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o The Bus
o Scoopies
o Fake Easter Grass
o Mark's Corner
o Sound Advice With Karen
o Reviews
o Letters
o Credits
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Taking the bus every day, twice a day, is like living in a parallel universe. There's the me that is on the bus; there's the me that's at work. If either could see me in the other situation, it would be too weird.
There's no being friendly on the bus. It's gotten to the point where if I see someone else trying to be friendly, my gut reaction is to wonder what the heck they think they're doing. You're not supposed to be FRIENDLY on the bus. You're supposed to sit in your seat and not make eye contact with anyone. If you do make eye contact with someone, you have to make sure you don't end up sitting next to them, and if you do end up sitting next to them, you have to wait for the next available seat and beat the new people on the bus to it.
Since the bus is often crowded, you do sometimes have to share a seat with someone else. But you don't have to be happy about it. Make sure to take up as much room as you can. Don't cross your legs or arms, and let your belongings slide over onto the person sitting next to you. Don't worry about invading their space -- after all, they're lucky to be sitting at all.
One thing that's super popular is to yell at the bus driver. "Back DOOR!" a passenger screams, as if the driver could read her mind and know that she was getting off at the back, but was purposefully ignoring her need out of bus-driver spite.
Giving up your seat for someone else is also a subject of great controversy on the bus. What constitutes a greater need? People with newborn babies and strollers are usually given seats, if the babies are *really* tiny and, preferably, good-looking. Although if you're a dad with a baby, your chances lessen. Really old women seem to get treated well, but really old men are in a shady category, and I've even seen some who refuse to take it when offered a seat. Men and women up to age 60 are pretty much on their own. As far as men giving up seats for women, the age of chivalry is dead, as far as I can tell.
I've learned to ignore most of what is going on during the bus ride. I figured out that it's best not to be a witness to anything that could become unpleasant or disastrous, if you know what I mean. I like reading on the bus, because it gives me a solid place to stare for the whole ride, so my eyes don't wander. Occasionally I'll look out the window, but even that might not be such a good idea in some parts of Yonkers.
Anyway, for the most part, a bus drive doesn't have to be a totally unpleasant experience, and I suggest always getting the window seat (otherwise you have to keep getting up when someone is getting off), scooching down till your knees are balancing on the seat in front of you, and dozing off with your purse wrapped around your arm at least three times.
This is for the bus, NOT the subway.
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Some of our games, and where to find them:
(The following four are located on America Online, and you can get to them by Keyword Yoyogames.)
Hint And Miss -- Starts April 23. Questions will be posted in the Files area on the 22nd. Prize is a year of free popcorn and movie rentals. Keyword YOYOGAMES.
Dial Tone 3 -- Started April 16. Win your own 1-800 number.
Out Of The Frying Pan -- Starts April 30. Celebrity and famous scandals. Win an autographed and beautifully framed photo of Hugh Grant.
Trivia-A-Day -- Already started. NOT A GAME! It's a purely- for-fun shindig where we send you trivia questions every day, and the answers the next day, although many people haven't read the rules and are answering the questions we are sending, which goes straight to my e-mailbox, and I have to delete each and every message after reading it to make sure it isn't important e-mail. Sigh.
We also just started The AOL Treasure Hunt -- We're running it, but it involves all sorts of areas on AOL. Questions, hints, hidden pieces... TONS of cool prizes. Keyword HUNT.
Get a Little Closer 3: The Kiss -- The third installment of ArridXX games run over the Internet, meaning anyone with e-mail can play. This one will be different from the others, in that the questions will be easier, hints will be given, and questions will only go out once a week. Trivia will focus on kisses in movies, literature, and art. Yum yum. The prize is a trip for two to a Sandals resort. Register by sending e-mail to arrid@yoyo.com.
Yoyo Central -- An ongoing trivia game that has weekly winners. Runs over the Internet. Register by sending e-mail to central@yoyo.com. Because I said so, that's why.
These aren't all the games we're running, but the ones that are most available to everyone. We have some specialized games happening, too. If you want a complete list, send e-mail to win@yoyo.com. Love ya.
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I think I mentioned going to my aunt's house for Easter. If I didn't, I'm mentioning it now. I had a nice time -- saw my relatives, some of whom I hadn't seen since I was small. We went out to dinner, had Carvel (ice cream, for you West Coasters), and I got driven around in a nice cushy car, which I always love.
On Easter morning, my aunt presented me not only with an Easter bucket (I'm not kidding), but with two additional Easter bags full of goodies. Wow! I never made out this well! Candy, chips, toys... even a Grass Guy. Grass Guy is like a Chia Pet except he's a little head made out of a knee-hi stocking that grows grass hair. He's at work right now with me, and I have to admit I'm not a very good Grass Gal... I keep forgetting he exists and so he dries out sometimes. I'll let you know how his hair comes in. I can't wait to give him haircuts.
Anyhoo, I brought all this loot home from my aunt's house and dumped it on my floor, as I do everything else. For the next couple of days I ate from it and considered unpacking. Decided to postpone it.
One morning I got up to find Milo Edward trying to choke down some of the Easter grass from the bucket. I had to literally pullllll it out of his kitty self, since some of it had gone down already, and said "Honey, please don't eat Easter grass" while I put the bucket out of his reach (which means on top of the stove, which for some reason is the one place my cats don't jump). I figured that was the end of it, since I had caught him in the act of attempting to swallow plastic and had thus thwarted his efforts.
That night after I got home I found a nice bit of indistiguishable puke on the carpet. Forgetting about that morning, I wondered why this had happened. My kitties never puke. They just don't. Before I got a chance to clean up this mishap, Milo Edward came out from his litter box and dragged his butt, the way you sometimes see dogs do at Christmastime after eating too much tinsel, across the carpet. Without going into full detail, I realized that Mr. Edward was having a minor digestion problem.
Let's just say that he had eaten more Easter grass than I had thought. And he was trying to get it out. It's times like that that you fully realize what kinds of responsibilities you have to be ready for when you become a parent. Now, I realize kitties are no match for kids, but even you, reading this story, have to admit that there are unpleasant tasks to undertake with both parties.
Needless to say, Milo and I came to terms with his predicament, and within two minutes he had completely forgotten what had just happened and was trying to love me up while I was trying to clean the carpet.
Thinking all's well that ends well, I gave Milo a pat on the head and said, "God love you, you're just not very bright, are you?" because he really isn't. He doesn't even know his own name, unlike Grover Bean.
So you'd think that Milo would be the only stupe to eat Easter grass, right? You wouldn't assume that Grover Bean would partake in such ridiculous shenanigans. It's like those kids who would break into the Drano and drink it -- I always felt mildly superior to them, because I never would have dreamed of doing something so stupid when I was little.
But there's no accounting for why anybody does anything stupid, and it isn't necessarily a reflection on their intelligence when they do. Which is what I realized the next morning when Grover Bean dragged his butt across the carpet while I was still lying in bed.
Needless to say, I am never bringing Easter grass or any such likeness (tinsel) into my home again. Leave your Easter buckets at the door, gracias.
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Hi! Just wanted to step in briefly to talk about two new MONDO games we're now letting people sign up for. (The short of it: e-mail dilbert@yoyo.com and marketplace@yoyo.com to play 'em both.)
As a public radio addict, I'm happy to say we're about to run a game for one of my faves: Marketplace. The Marketplace Business Trivia Game will, like the show itself, focus on business and finance, while being friendly, accessible, and maybe even a little irreverent. And it promises to have a way-cool prize! The game starts Tuesday, May 7; to play, e-mail marketplace@yoyo.com.
Dogbert would not be pleased if you didn't join this next game: The Dilbert Principle Trivia Game. Starting on Tuesday, May 21, this game is based on Scott Adams' new book, "The Dilbert Principle." How about this for an awesome grand prize: an original, signed, framed, matted Dilbert comic strip by Scott Adams! Runners-up get huge gift certificates to Borders Books & Music. To play, e-mail (what else?) dilbert@yoyo.com.
Both Marketplace and Dilbert have, in my opinion, excellent Web sites which you should visit. Surf on over to http://www.usc.edu/marketplace for Marketplace and http://www.unitedmedia.com/comics/dilbert for the Dilbert Zone.
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Dear Karen,
I think I'm gay, but I still like women. What is your sexual preferance. Could you help me.
Matt Bohman
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Karen Says:
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Dear Matt:
My sexual preference isn't really important, now is it? It doesn't sound like you need help. You like boys, you like girls. Whatever. Just play nice with all of them. That's a good rule.
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A Letter For Karen:
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I have written to [this newsletter] several times, and mostly because I have a compliment or information you are looking for, but this time I cannot be entirely polite.
What I feel compelled to write about is this Karen person. She has given some rather questionable advice to some seemingly innocent teenagers. Telling Bummed in Burkettsville to pick and choose, or dump the guys was out of line. And then to completely discount the letter from Married in Minneapolis was just too much. She seems to have no morals, and I don't know how old she is, but she hasn't got a very mature attitude about relationships. Which makes me wonder if she herself is married and if not, is she in a monogamous relationship? I don't know, and frankly I don't care, but I will say this. The newsletter used to be more interesting when she wasn't contributing. Now it just gives me a bile-like feeling in the pit of my stomach when I read her advice, which I am now going to skip over in reading the newsletter. I still look forward to it every week, in the hopes that she will stop giving "advice" to people.
Which brings me to this point: how qualified is she to be giving advice to anyone? I mean, would you take advice on how to raise a child from someone who has never had a child, cared for them, or been around them for any length of time? I certainly wouldn't. Nor would I take serious advice from someone who has a "life is a party, so go throw one" attitude. Don't get me wrong. I'm all for life being fun, but to blatantly tell a teenage girl to deliberately defy her parents, that they EXPECT her to do it, is unconscienable. Did Karen ask the parents if they expect this? Does Karen know Bummed's parents? Then who is she to tell Bummed what they think? Not to mention that she is encouraging this girl to get in trouble on a regular basis. Teenagers are extremely impressionable, and while I did the same things as a teen myself, I had older, wiser friends telling me what was right and what was wrong. If Karen continues to give this type of advice, then it's no wonder society is such a mess. I know that no one is perfect, and God knows I'm not, but to just toss around advice that sounds "cool" is negligent. Who knows how serious this girl is?
If this girl were my daughter, and I read this advice, I would take her on the trip with me, and get rid of her subscription to whatever online service she uses to access Yoyodyne. At least until you got someone who gives better advice.
I apologize for the tirade, but this is something that I can't sit by and not say anything about. It is a very important subject, close to my heart because I have made mistakes in my teen years that I wish I could take back. And a lot of it was because of bad advice. Not to mention that I used to work at Juvenile Hall, and I see what the future of our country is, and I must say it doesn't look good.
Okay, I am done. I think I need a drink of water.
Colleen
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"The Diamond Age" by Neal Stephenson
Seth wanted me to read this. I'm not altogether sure why, and he never told me. It was okay. I'm not a huge fan of science fiction, but I like to keep an open mind. Neal Stephenson is the author of "Snow Crash," which Seth also wanted me to read, but I only got halfway through.
I can't even explain why, but I just get lost and confused in science fiction. Even watching an episode of Star Trek leaves me shouting, "Wait! Who's THAT? What is going ON? How did they get to this planet full of people with big ears?" I mention this because I get the impression that Star Trek is the training wheels of Sci-Fi.
But "The Diamond Age" had something "Snow Crash" didn't -- a character I liked and could sympathize with. Her name was Nell, and she starts out as a little girl and grows up to be quite a heroine. Groovy. Of course, the future seemed pretty implausible to me, but it always does. Like Counselor Troy would really have that totally 90s hairdo if it were the future. The Diamond Age doesn't have Jennifer Aniston hairdos, but it emphasizes animation and how there's no real paper or material, just lots of plastic and bright neon colors and computer bits floating in the air. I dunno. I just don't buy it. And I don't have to, since I won't be alive to see that far ahead anyway.
"Gone With The Wind" by Margeret Mitchell
I got this one out of my local library, impulsively, because it's a classic (the jacket told me so). It's a huge book. The only one Margeret Mitchell ever wrote, in fact, and not only is it one of the most popular books ever, but it spawned the same in a movie. Go figure.
Well, it was great. REALLY great. I was engrossed. I looked forward to reading it. I taped my favorite shows so I could try to finish it. It took me FOREVER. Like, two weeks of faithful reading. Oh, what a story! It was literally JUICY, not at all what I was expecting. You know those old-time novels -- they have a tendency to be kind of drab and overrated sometimes. But not this one. Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, it got better.
I don't want to give away the plot and stuff, because I want you to go read it (NOT watch the movie -- the book is better!), but it takes place in the South during the Civil War, and it is a story of hardship, adventure, greed, love, loss, and triumph.
Go get it. Now.
"The Bean Trees" by Barbara Kingsolver
Wow, what a book! Jennifer loaned this one to me and I ate it up in two days. It's a small book, but I loved it so much I couldn't stop reading. The story sucked me in right away and I got so caught up in the characters that I still miss them. A young woman named Taylor hops into her VW Bug and heads out of her small town in Kentucky looking for a better life. On the way she is given a child -- no joke, someone puts a kid in her car and says, "Take her."
From then on it's not only a struggle to settle her own life, but to settle with this kid as well. The people in this book are so real, up to and including a trio of new-age trust-fund hippies looking for a housemate that interview Taylor and eye the kid sporting a "Damn I'm Good" T-shirt.
Oh it's funny. And touching. There's a line, towards the end of the book, that gave me goosebumps. And I hardly ever get goosebumps. You should read this one too.
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Wendy,
That little article on yawning was great, but it turns out yawns are not only contagious in person, but if you read about them too. Everytime I read the word 'yawn' I had this urge to just let 'er rip. I was able to make it about half way through before I had to give in. This of course started an epidemic as the person next to me yawned, then the person next to them, etc etc......
It sure doesn't help productivity levels on a Friday afternoon. Luckily we have a seminar in a half hour and can catch a quick nap during that.
Oh yeah.....why don't we ask 'The Bug Guy' if those darn roaches yawn!
Katie
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Hi, Wendy --
I don't know whether it was me (I mean, our gateway) -- it probably was, but I never received #s 36 & 37 of the newsletter, which bums me out because it's my favorite thing about Friday. Including the fact that it's a) the end of the week, and b) casual day.
Does it work to send mail to yoyonews36@yoyo.com, etc, or was this just for #38?
just checking & thanks
christine
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Hi Christine -
Actually, the autoreply for Newsletter #38 was unique, but if you belong to America Online, all past newsletters are posted in the Files area of The Cafe. In two shakes of a lamb's tail, you can download and read as many as you wish.
Hope this helps!
wendy
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Dear Wendy,
You may have unintentionally given out this clue but in YEN (Yoyodyne Entertainment News) issue #37, In The Office, continued, you state that Jennifer is a fellow redhead and flannel-wearer. Isn't it funny how we attach faces to our online acquaintances? I had never figured you for a redhead or flannel-wearer. Both of these clues have drastically altered the imagined face I have for you. No I'm not a stalker (which would be difficult considering I'm West coast and you're East) and I'm quite happily married but I am curious, is there, somewhere in cyberspace, an image of you? How about the whole staff? I'm not sure I'm not the only one that would like to put a face with the person(s).
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Go to our Web page, click "About Us" from the Yoyodyne home page and then click on "Wizards." It's not exactly the most up-to-date group photo, but most of the crew is in there. http://www.yoyo.com
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Editor, Writer, TESC Alumn: Wendy Hall
Copyeditor, Fact-Checker, Door-Closer: Jennifer Konig
Sound Advice: Karen Watts
Yoyodyne Entertainment News is published every Friday (yah, really). To subscribe (it's FREE!) send e-mail to yoyonews@yoyo.com.
Send a masseuse to editor@yoyo.com.
To get more information on Yoyodyne, or to find out about the spiffy games we're currently running, send e-mail to win@yoyo.com and/or newsfaq@yoyo.com.
If for any reason you would like to cancel your subscription to Yoyodyne Entertainment News, send e-mail to newsquit@yoyo.com. Sigh.
Where's our little guinea pig?
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