In This Week's Issue:
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o The Scoop
o The Snow
o Me
o Sound Advice with Karen
o Letters
o Horoscopes
o Credits!
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The AOL Treasure Hunt started today! You can sign up by going to keyword HUNT. It involves seventeen different sites on AOL, and there are some pretty amazing prizes, including a camcorder, a super-fast computer, a mountain bike, and more!
Hey, kids! Check out http://www.yoyo.com/att.
There you will find the new AT&T E-mail Trivia Game. The grand prize is a trip to your own Santa Cruz Beach House for FIVE WHOLE days. This is that game for college students, so if you don't have an .edu address, don't bother. I know, I know. Life ain't fair. If you're not playing anything, though, and you miss that thrill and excitement in your life, you can always send e-mail to win@yoyo.com.
There. That's better.
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As some of you may know, it's snowing today in New York. Big, huge fluffy flakes are hurtling down onto the ground and people's heads and snazzy outfits. Me, I wear sweaters and jeans on days like this. (Well, okay, I always wear sweaters and jeans.) Anyway, when I first heard that it was going to snow, I was really steamed. I mean, it's the end of March, for goodness sakes! Enough already! It's just my luck that the year I move North a big old blizzard hits and I experience the coldest, yuckiest weather these parts have seen in ages.
I grew up in Florida. It is beyond me why anyone would want to live in this weather their entire lives.
But this morning, the snow was really pretty. It stuck to the bare branches of the trees and hung on park benches and made everything a little kinder, a little more gentle. And for the first time this season, I can make a snowball out of it! I waited for Chris to get off the train and greeted him with one this morning. What a treat!
So, I know most people are mad and grumpy about this snowfall. And usually I would agree with them and be griping right along with the crowd. But today, with the peaceful snowfall and weather that isn't unbearably cold at all, I can't help but like this snow. It gives cold weather a good name.
*****
Hey Wendy, what's that sniff doing there at the end of the news? Something up in your life? Maybe I can offer some advice? At least, I'm a good listener.
Dan
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Dan, I can't tell you how nice it is to have readers like you out there, caring, wanting to help. The sniff was indicative of a lot of things. I have a papercut on my thumb that won't heal. I really need to vacuum my apartment. I have a giant pile of laundry in the hallway that needs to get dragged to the laundromat. Must See Thursdays aren't what they used to be. I don't know what split ends are and if I have them or not.
On the bright side, I'm reading this really excellent book that I'm all wrapped up in. It's Gone With The Wind. It's so yummy. If you haven't read it, zip on down to your library and pick it up. Last night it was so cold (viva la Spring in NY) that my kitties made a Wendy sandwich, one snuggled up on either side of me in bed. And Tuesday nights are my new favorite night on television. It's even better than Thursdays, when I only watch Friends and then read until ER. And even Friends is slacking a little with all that lovey- dovey Rachael and Ross goo. But Tuesday's line up can't be beat.
So, things are really okay. Just sometimes I sniff. You know.
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Dear Karen,
I have a major problem. I just got married in November of '95 and i thought i'd be able to avoid my brother more now but I can't!! It's not that he's a retard, well, maybe, but he just won't stop telling lies about me!! And after he tells the lies he denies it and tries to say that my friends are the ones saying it. I think he's just trying to get me to spend more time with him. He's not too popular. Please help!! I don't want to hurt his feelings, he already thinks he's stupid because he's 20 in the 12th grade!!
trapped in Malvern, Arkansas
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Karen's Advice:
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dear trapped,
your problem is not your brother. it's that you're from Malvern, Arkansas. Get Out! you're young--which prompts me to ask WHY THE HELL ARE YOU MARRIED?--make your move! that pesky brother of yours will disappear faster than you can say "Graduate already." Go north, go south, go east or west. But go.
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Dear Karen,
I am writing in response to your seemingly flippiant advice to "Bummed in Burkettsville" who was having trouble choosing between two guys that she liked. You told her to "Choose the one with the brightest prospects or the best butt." While that seems so shallow and empty, that's not what I wanted to write about.
If one of them insists that you choose between them, he is obviously looking for something deeper than "Bummed in Burkettsville" is capable of, and yes, she should set him free because she will only be a source of disappointment and pain for him. You made it sound like any guy who would ask for monogamy is a beast with unreasonable expectations. Is mutual respect really dead in New York?
--Married in Minneapolis
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Karen's Response:
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ouch. that smarts.
Dear Married:
Open up the windows and let that fresh air in, my friend! Bummed is probably like 17. Her hot, cool boyfriends are just fellers, probably not looking to settle down. Sheesh, I hope not. Call me shallow. Call me empty. But don't EVER suggest I'm not mutually respectful. I didn't advise Bummed to crush their spirits, hurt their feelings, or any other unseemly, disprespectful act. I said lose the guy if he pressures her to be the only one. Think about it, bub. If she had "monogamy" on her mind, why is she stringing along two guys anyway? New York has nothing to do with it. Serious relationships, marriage, and somesuch whatnot isn't all there is to getting out and about Ñ- ESPECIALLY when you're young.
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Dear Karen:
I have a major problem. My parents are going to be gone this weekend, and I don't know whether to have a party or not. They told me not to. Whenever they go somewhere, they sometimes call home to see if everything is okay. So, if I was having a party, I could get caught. I don't know what to do.
Bummed in Burkettsville
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Karen's Response:
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Dear Bummed:
Since when is having the house to yourself for the weekend a big problem? Geez. Lighten up. I think when parents choose to go away for a weekend, the tradeoff is knowing that there's a pretty good chance a party will take place in their absence. So don't disappoint them! Just to keep out of jail and such, give yourself some guidelines and stick to them -Ñ if the party ends up looking anything like that one in Sixteen Candles, you've crossed the line. Or, just to stay way clear of trouble, why don't you consider a smaller party involving one (or both) of those two hot and cool guys you're stringing along? How old are you anyway? Please don't call us if you need to make bail.
P.S. Re that whole parents calling you to catch you having a party thing Ñ- haven't you ever heard of NOT answering the phone? Oh, gosh, I didn't hear it ringing... I must have been in the shower. Use your imagination. They'll admire you for it.
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'loha my advisors,
I have a question for you this week. Do you have any tips for taking the SATs? I'm taking them on Saturday the 23, I think, as part of a gifted an talented program sponsored by Northwestern, anyway please send lotsa tips for testin'.
And again as I have only a measly little question I'll tell you about my week. Monday I had school and that was as boring as usual, then I had Honors Band practice(I play the Baritone, well actually the Euphonium) and that was somewhat of an event 'cause we were supposed to take 2 tours Tuesday and Wednesday and have a concert Thursday (I was also supposed to have an Academic Team round robin Thursday). Anyway, we had a blizzard(actually it was about ten in. but in So. Indiana that's considered a blizzard) so school was cancelled Tuesday then Wednesday hen today, Thursday, and now I found out it has been cancelled tommorow which should be today when you read this if it gets out out friday. So, with all this snow and no school for 13 days, sping break is next week, I decided to build a snow cave in my front yard. It is cool, and with any luck I will sleep there tonight ( which will be last night when you read this). so that should be fun.
Adieu,
Travis
*8-)=
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Karen's Advice:
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dear guinea pig,
okay. the blow-by-blow of your school week was wasted on us. and that gifted and talented SAT item was an interesting piece of information. but what we really want to know about is THAT SNOW CAVE! did you take pictures? can you send them? No, we have no SAT tips. we're either too old to remember how it works or our wounds are still fresh and don't want to relive the horror. if you want we'll send you a book about it.
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Aloha Everyone,
If this gets put in the yoyodyne newsletter that would mean that my corner(the Guinee pig corner) will be a semi-regular feature of this fine newsletter. So, this week I'll give you a little info on the person whose future you may be weilding in your hands like putty(if I take your advice). Without further adieu, I am Travis (hear me roar). An eigth grader from Indiana. I am a die-hard Macintosh fan, I consult, network, etc. for jelly bellys at my school, I co- operate the macintosh forum and file libraries at a local bbs run by the local public radio station. I am a rock climber(no, I'm not making this up). I'll do almost anything for good candy. My favorite movie is Buckaroo Banzai Across the Eighth Dimension(for any of you that know about that movie that is the reason I sought interest in yoyodyne) My favorite books are the hitchhikers trilogy(travel the galaxy on less than 30 Alterian dollars a day, or something like that). And, at the risk of wasting your time while you read this the few Items of moxie I treasure are a "Get Wired" button, a "Macintosh '89 = Windows 95" button, a Prozac pen, and (of course) my Yoyodyne patch. feel free to send me email, I like hearing "you've got mail" when I sign-on
-Travisimo the semi-great guinee pig
*8-)=
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Wendy's Response:
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Hey Travis,
I only included this letter to give everyone an idea of who you are so when we all start bossing you around, we can say with full meaning, "We know what's best for you." By the way, you *must* start spelling guinea pig correctly. You're so close.
As for having your own column, hold up there, buddy! Who says just cause you're in the eighth grade and a little extra precocious you get a weekly solo in this here fine newsletter? Beep beep back up the truck! We appreciate a fine boy such as yourself loving Yoyodyne the way you do, but we're sending you through mazes for us, not asking you what you THINK of the maze.
Now here's my piece of advice for you this week: You NEVER have to do anything you don't want to do. I learned that in the 6th grade and my life has never been the same. This means, if some jerk teacher is trying to humiliate you in front of your peers, or you're in a situation that's making you weird out, or anything at all unpleasant is happening, you can WALK AWAY. I mean it, stand up and go.
I know this sounds like a corny "Just Say No To Drugs" or something, but that' not exactly what I'm talking about. I just mean that just because you're still mired in the public school system and under 18 and nobody gives a rat's butt what your opinion is, you're still a human being, and in the long run, it's not gonna matter. Whatever it is. Just be really honest with yourself and everyone else. Kay?
Whew. I hope that helps you, my friend.
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Wendy-
I'm a graduate student in Oregon but I was in New York City last week for Spring Break. You had a newsletter a couple of weeks ago raving about the hot chocolate from the City Bakery on E 17th. Being a chocolate fanatic myself, I made a point of including the City Bakery in my city tour.
And can I say, you were not exaggerating! It was, by far, the best hot chocolate I have ever had. It was rich and creamy and very, very chocolately (and no grainy pseudo- chocolate powder to be seen). But the City Bakery didn't stop there; I also had a delightful fresh mozzarella, tomato and basil sandwich. A very tasty lunch experience.
But wait, there's more. As I munched, I noticed a sign on the wall saying they believe in supporting the local economy so they get all their flour, eggs, etc. from the surrounding areas. (After a week in NYC, I was surprised there were any surrounding areas that could support agriculture, but I'll take their word for it.) Not only was the food good, but you can feel good eating there.
Great recommendation, Wendy, thanks!
Michelle Birdsall
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Dear Wendy,
Well..., I must type that you may have stumbeled onto a strange occurence throught this vast cheese like expierence that we call life. (please excuse my spelling for I am the worlds worst, I can prove it if you want) I agree with Travis, BOs around the world are all a little ignorant as to what is around them. Take me for instance, my given name is Kajun but my nickname is Bo. I exibit many of the Bo-like idiosycrasies that you described, the happness in ignorance for instance. But do to the fact that I am not a true Bo, my given name is Kajun, I am therefor not subject to all of them (I hope).
Well, I must admit that your newsletters are a great break from the constant drilling and hammering of college and I look forward to them... bla... bla... bla ...and I hope that you all continue to have fun at what ever you do.
"Jack"el (Kajun T.)
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ARIES
You must face difficulties with insects head-on and make a complete break from the past. Try not to exaggerate how
awesome you are. Be patient; your Kodak moment will come.
TAURUS
It is time to treat your brain to a well-earned rest. With planetary influences making you achey and dry, you would be
wise to use lots of moisturizer and drink lots of water.
GEMINI
Your time would be well spent dealing with a matter that has
been simmering on the back burner for much too long. It's
going to singe, and then the drapes will go up, and the next
thing you know, you've got a mighty big kitchen fire on your hands. And then what will you do? Call the fire department?
Ha! Those guys are swamped with calls as it is! You're
better off gathering some snow from your backyard and
tossing it onto the leaping flames. And don't forget to get
the neighbors involved. Yes, there's nothing like a
neighborhood bonfire put-out to bring people together. You
should be singing and toasting marshmallows by the time the
cops show up. Try not to all scatter into the bushes at
once. That's the first place they look. And you want
someone on the outside to distract them and keep them
running in circles. But you probably know all this already.
CANCER
Heed the advice of loved ones today, but don't let the dog
talk you into that extra meal. You can get a lot more
mileage out of that shampoo if you add a little water.
LEO
Be sure to consider the full potential impact of a new
venture before it reaches the point of no return. Allow
room for adjustment and another coat of paint. DonÕt let
anyone or anything to distract you from your goal of
winning the pennant.
VIRGO
You can safeguard your long-term prospects by realizing all
that needs to change is an attitude. You canÕt afford to let others decide your fate. Goals are easier to realize now
that you are more focused on your Batgirl action figure
taped to the top of your computer.
LIBRA
YouÕll soon be discovering a new way of life as the old
one disappears. Difficulties can be ironed out after the
planets alter their course in the next few days, and you
add a little water and push the "steam" button.
SCORPIO
Be ready to receive chocolate from someone close to you. If
you haven't resolved an argument with a co-worker, now is
the time to do so. Buy yourself something chocolate. As much
as you hate confrontation, it is time to deal with someone
whose actions are more misguided than malicious. Mmmmmm... chocolate.
SAGITTARIUS
Group contacts revolving around your work are important and
may lead to professional growth. As you start to redesign
your career, you may feel adrift. You may also feel adraft,
which could mean that you need to shut your window.
CAPRICORN
Exciting developments should keep your spirits up and your
energy high. What may appear to be a tiresome chore could
in time turn out to be the beginning of a new and fulfilling project. It's amazing the things you can do with laundry.
AQUARIUS
The time has come to take a stand. Bring optimism and
courage into everything youÕre doing today. But first there
are still loose ends that need to be tied up. Set up some
new boundaries... use masking tape if you need to.
PISCES
You've got the courage it takes to hang in there and take
what you need from the situation. Make an effort to read
between the lines, and what you find there might surprise
you. They're all ads! Those evil marketers. No matter how
smart you think you are, everyone has their blind spots.
Get your clothes extra clean with Tide!
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Editor, Writer, Kathy's Daughter: Wendy Hall
Copyeditor, Spell-Checker, Florian's Wife: Jennifer Konig
Sound Advice, Swishy Skirt-Wearer, Cooper's Mom: Karen Watts
Yoyodyne Entertainment News is published every Monday now! To subscribe (it's FREE!) send e-mail to yoyonews@yoyo.com.
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Malcolm's a smarmy-butt.
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