Heckman is not a king. Nor a god. He is a man.
A man so strong he can lift eight tonnes. His IQ is 7000. His good looks give men erecti0ns, and he is constantly chased by 25 year old women screaming for his 'cor rection'. His voice so soothing, it sends babies to sleep. I think if I see his perfect smile in real life I might cry. If I see him nodding at something I have said, I will literally die.
Heckman is a man.
Jim Heckman is the father of every kid in this town.
I remember one time Heckman took his family to Sea World. They were watching Shamu the whale when Heckman got splashed. So Heckman yells, "I’m Jim Heckman and no one gets me wet!" So he climbs into the tank, grabs Shamu, and throws the whale into the audience, splashes him and yells, "How do you like it?" And then damn if Heckman didn’t step in there and finish the show.
The truth is that Heckman was once a man. A man made of flesh and blood like you and me. A great man for sure, but a man.
But years of watching cutenomics take hold destroyed that man. He may bleed and eat like you and me. But he is no man. A man lives. A man cries. And Jim Heckman cannot do either of those things.
No Jim Heckman is something else. Some might call it a God. Many others call it a devil. But whatever it is, it is what keeps the cute and clever awake at night with terror. And it keeps the sociologists looking both ways in the parking lot. For Jim Heckman is, if nothing else, a legend.
Did I ever tell you bros about the time Heckman took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally Heckman takes me to a vacant lot near Hyde Park and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half and sure enough someone constructs a bar around us. The day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Heckman yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found '‘em!