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Conversational Intelligence: How Great Leaders Build Trust and Get Extraordinary Results 1st Edition

by Judith E. Glaser (Author)
4.4 4.4 out of 5 stars 786 ratings
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The key to success in life and business is to become a master at Conversational Intelligence. It's not about how smart you are, but how open you are to learn new and effective powerful conversational rituals that prime the brain for trust, partnership, and mutual success. Conversational Intelligence translates the wealth of new insights coming out of neuroscience from across the globe, and brings the science down to earth so people can understand and apply it in their everyday lives. Author Judith Glaser presents a framework for knowing what kind of conversations trigger the lower, more primitive brain; and what activates higher-level intelligences such as trust, integrity, empathy, and good judgment. Conversational Intelligence makes complex scientific material simple to understand and apply through a wealth of easy to use tools, examples, conversational rituals, and practices for all levels of an organization.
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  1. ISBN-10
    1629561436
  2. ISBN-13
    978-1629561431
  3. Edition
    1st
  4. Publisher
    Routledge
  5. Publication date
    April 28, 2016
  6. Language
    English
  7. Dimensions
    6 x 0.25 x 9 inches
  8. Print length
    264 pages
  9. See all details
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About the Author

Judith Glaser

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Routledge; 1st edition (April 28, 2016)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 264 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1629561436
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1629561431
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 13.4 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 0.25 x 9 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.4 4.4 out of 5 stars 786 ratings

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Judith E. Glaser

Judith E. Glaser

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"To get to the next level of greatness depends on the quality of the culture, which depends on the quality of relationships, which depends on the quality of conversations. Everything happens through conversations."

Customer reviews

4.4 out of 5 stars
4.4 out of 5
786 global ratings
Great Leadership Knowledge
5 Stars
Great Leadership Knowledge
I wish I had this knowledge before. The most important thing is how in-depth the book goes into to relationships and how relationships are manifested from parts of the brain. Great insight as well on managing and leading and following people. A highly recommended book for managers and leaders who are trying to improve on their EQ.
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Top reviews from the United States

vcraig
5.0 out of 5 stars One of the best books I have read in a while
Reviewed in the United States on November 22, 2023
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This book has some amazing details on how the brain works and chemicals released during times of stress and happiness. She is a consultant for some major companies to help them fix issues within the company using her strategies on how to increase conversations that are real and meaningful. She has done her research for sure and I am thankful for this book on conversational wisdom. Everyone everywhere should read this book.
3 people found this helpful
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Ed Nottingham
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent book and relevant in so many ways!
Reviewed in the United States on October 20, 2015
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I am surprised by some of the reviews describing Ms. Glaser's book as "average" (or similar terms). My work involves both providing executive and leadership coaching as well as delivering programs designed to develop leader coaches and building emotional intelligence. The cornerstone of relationships whether personal or professional is trust. Building trust is not necessarily something leaders (and others) understand or know how to create even if it seems to be "common sense." We all benefit from having tools, tips, and strategies that can facilitate the creation of strong, trusting relationships.

One of my measures of the usefulness of a book is how many notes I write in the back cover sections of my books and notes for "Conversational Intelligence" overflow! I love practical tips and Ms. Glaser provides so many. One of my favorite tools she offers are acronyms, e.g., STAR, TRUST, LEARN. Maybe because I used acronyms throughout my education to remember key elements but now when I think about building trust I think TRUST: transparency, relationship, understanding, shared success, and testing assumptions & telling the truth. (Many more of these in the book with rich descriptions of each.) Helping leaders and others remember that success is often based on trust and using TRUST as a self-assessment to evaluate the components of trust can be invaluable.

I also love that Ms. Glaser provides a number of exercises (toolkit) for creating exceptional listening skills and addressing "issues" that may come up in a relationships. Very practical! When you read the book check out the LEARN exercise for conducting more successful meetings (p. 143 in the printed version).

I moved from traditional clinical psychology practice to the corporate world in 2003 and this is one of those books that I wish I had available when I provided couples and relationship therapy.

Whether the reader is interested in being a better formal or informal leader, a better significant other, a better parent, or just a better listener/communicator in general "Conversational Intelligence" will be a great resource.

Ed Nottingham, PhD, PCC
Consulting & Clinical Psychologist
Author, "It's Not as Bad as It Seems: A Thinking Straight Approach to Happiness"  It's Not As Bad As It Seems
32 people found this helpful
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Ian Mann
4.0 out of 5 stars offensive comment from a colleague or superior. Consider how much nerve energy is expended thinking ...
Reviewed in the United States on April 10, 2017
Verified Purchase
Consultant and author, Judith Glaser, has been studying how people converse with each other for most of her adult life. This book “Conversational Intelligence,” is the culmination of her thinking on the subject and provides a practical and insightful perspective.
“Conversational Intelligence is what separates those who are successful from those who are not— in business, in relationships, and even in marriages.” By the time you have worked through this accessible book, you will understand why she is not exaggerating.
We think of a conversation as simply talking, sharing information, telling colleagues and staff what we expect them to do, or what is bothering us. Conversations are not simple, and how they work or do not work, does deserve our attention.
Unhealthy conversations are the cause of distrust, deceit, betrayal, and avoidance. Any one of these will lead to lower productivity, and less thoughtful action, and, ultimately, to lower business success.
Few leaders, Glaser asserts, understand how critical conversations are to the health of their companies. Consider how many hours you spent mulling over a thoughtless, offensive comment from a colleague or superior. Consider how much nerve energy is expended thinking about an upcoming meeting with someone who demeans you, or with whom you are merely uncomfortable.
To understand this at a deeper level Glaser relates Conversations to neuro-biology. There has been significant breakthroughs in our understanding of how the brain works since the development of the FMRI. The prefrontal cortex is the executive centre of the brain. It is where higher order brain activity is processed. It is activated when we feel we can trust others, and is deactivated when we feel high levels of fear and distrust. The prefrontal cortex can be considered the centre of trust.
The amygdala and limbic areas of the brain, in contrast, are where distrust is centred. When the amygdala is activated, by fear or distrust, our brains effectively close down and our ability to think is severely impaired.
Supportive conversations make us feel safe because the oxytocins are released and “they enhance our feelings of bonding, and dopamine and serotonin contribute to feelings of well-being.” In these contexts, we are able to have productive conversations and think well with others.
Conversing has three levels in Glaser’s method. Level 1 is where we share information with one another. Level 2 is where we engage in “positional” conversations— when we have a point of view and express our point of view. At this level, we work to get others to understand or accept our view. Level 3 is where we communicate with others to transform and shape our common reality. At this level, we complement, build, and can have “extraordinary, transformational conversations with others.”
“Researchers in neuroscience are demonstrating that the capacity to operate at Level 3 is hardwired into all human beings,” Glaser reports. Everyone is capable of conversing at this level.
Glaser describes an instructive consulting assignment she had with Boehringer Ingelheim, the multinational pharmaceutical company. Their representatives were rated 39th out of 40 companies by the doctors they called on to talk about the company’s products.
The representatives had been trained to use a traditional features-and-benefits model of selling. In this model when a physician raises a concern, the representative tries to persuade her that the issue is not terribly important. The representatives had, in effect, been trained to argue well and persuasively. No matter how politely this is done, it made the relationship adversarial.
When this became evident, Glaser trained them in a five-step method that was designed to get the prefrontal cortex engaged, and not the amygdala. The method involved building rapport; listening without judgment; asking discovery questions; reinforcing success; and dramatizing the message.
The result was that the representatives rose to the most trusted and liked representatives in the same 40-company survey of doctors.
This is a case of Conversational Intelligence in practice.
The second half of the book is a practical guide to creating conversations that lead to deeper understanding and engagement, rather than fear and avoidance.
Over thousands of years of evolution, we learned to distinguish in nano-seconds who or what is dangerous and who or what is friendly. Those among our ancient ancestors got this wrong never survived. We have the same responses in the workplace today as we did in the wilds finding our food centuries ago. This triggers either the amygdala or the prefrontal cortex.
Leaders who do not take care with how they come across to staff pay a high penalty. The cost is non-compliance, wasted nerve energy, anger or fear, and poor output.
Glaser exhorts the reader to “Be mindful of your conversations and the emotional content you bring— either pain or pleasure. Are you sending friend or foe messages?”
Reading this book from cover to cover is a small price to pay for a large reward.

Readability Light -+--- Serious
Insights High -+--- Low
Practical High -+--- Low

Ian Mann of Gateways consults internationally on leadership and strategy.
24 people found this helpful
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David Bell
5.0 out of 5 stars Tools in My Toolbox
Reviewed in the United States on October 26, 2023
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This book is full of ideas to create and improve our conversations. Exploring the various levels of conversation is helpful to identifying the type of conversations that I am experiencing. Moving toward trust and openness is one of the more valuable ideas that I gained. I recommend this book for anyone involved in sales, service, or leadership.
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heartofshepherd
3.0 out of 5 stars Could have been written shorter ...
Reviewed in the United States on May 15, 2016
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To be fair, this book puts together excellent frameworks for setting up productive co-creating conversations in a structured way. The 3 levels of conversation, the dashboards, the 5 brains, the TRUST model, the FORCES model, etc., are all useful framing of some commonsensical but powerful body of knowledges that work towards building great conversations and trust. Judith provides some great examples and cases of conversations for each model that she has worked with actual clients that illustrates the concepts. But I give a three stars because the book is too lengthy, with multiple repetition of the same points written over and over again, even within the same chapter. I certainly appreciate the power of reinforcement, but when it come across as a "collection of separate lectures" rather than a unified production of coherent thoughts, I would expect a book written on "intelligence" to be produced with strong writing intelligence.
34 people found this helpful
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Olga C
5.0 out of 5 stars Excelente… libro que todo mundo debe leer
Reviewed in Mexico on December 10, 2022
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Libro muy útil para líderes, personas que desean influenciar y generar confianza en equipos de trabajo desde el entendimiento de la neurosciences
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Olga C
5.0 out of 5 stars Excelente… libro que todo mundo debe leer
Reviewed in Mexico on December 10, 2022
Libro muy útil para líderes, personas que desean influenciar y generar confianza en equipos de trabajo desde el entendimiento de la neurosciences
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Periyasamy R
5.0 out of 5 stars Impressive
Reviewed in India on December 2, 2023
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Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing!
Reviewed in Germany on July 26, 2021
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Love this book! Eye-opening! If you are human, you need this book!
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Nilton Tojar
5.0 out of 5 stars Conversational Intelligence
Reviewed in Brazil on June 1, 2018
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Muito bom livro. Conceitos e técnicas de como engajar outros em uma conversa construtiva e obter resultados positivos.
Vale a pena!
One person found this helpful
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Eilish K.
5.0 out of 5 stars This is an amazing read I purchased an audio version to play at ...
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 31, 2017
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This is an amazing read I purchased an audio version to play at home and in the car. Its full of brilliant case studies for coaching backed up by neuroscience. I particularly love the 5 brains and the dashboard which I have used to great effect with clients particularly in career coaching
One person found this helpful
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