Dining review: Schnapper's Hots in Naples makes me feel young again

Schnapper's Hots takes me back to childhood bliss.

To the little joys of a root beer float on the Fourth of July, with its bubbly, foamy top that goes brittle on the edges.

To the campfire, where we'd brandish our hot dog-speared sticks and dangle them over the flames until blackened with char.

Those were simpler times, when a hot dog on a bun with a smattering of diced, sweet onions and a squeeze of mustard could make everything seem alright.

At Schnapper's Hots, everything is all right.

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I rediscovered that child-like wonder under the restaurant's red, pointy roof near downtown Naples. This is the second location for Schnapper's Hots, which has been an icon on Sanibel Island for two decades. Naples got its own version in April, and it's like throwback heaven.

The tiny, iconic building on the northeast corner of U.S. 41 and Fourth Avenue North had been a Dairy Queen for years (and its recognizably red A-frame roof still remains). Most recently it was the All American Shake Shop until it closed last summer. 

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The restaurant's owner, Dave Acheson, has made some changes to the place. Rather than ordering outside through the restaurant's front windows, diners now come inside, where white subway tile lines the walls and counters. 

During each of my visits, Acheson is there in a Schnapper's neon-colored T-shirt. "Since 1998," it reads. As a line gathers at the register, he suggests an order of the chicken wings

"We're from Buffalo," Acheson says, not to anyone in particular.

He didn't have to twist my arm.

The barbecue wings were red-hot and checkered with grill marks. A spicy flavor lingered behind each bite, muted, though, by that coating of sweetened barbecue sauce. I dug into them before I realized the only napkins were on a roll inside the restaurant. Damn. If I were being picky I'd say that I only got eight wings in my order of 10. But I wasn't being picky. 

Not when I had an entire tray of hand-battered onion rings in front of me — thin breading shattered and cracked in the best possible ways, and the translucent Vidalia onion rounds emitted that faintly sweet flavor.

And those fries. Oh man, the fries.

I like to imagine the hand-cut slivers sizzling and popping in the fryer, their ends blackening just so; it's a fun little fantasy. Flecked with salt and edges crisped to perfection, the fries are piled high in cups — regular, large or jumbo box. And if you really want to relive those childhood memories, top them with chili or cheese or both (and prepare for chili cheese fry coma, because you're not that young anymore).

Schnapper's does sandwiches (fried grouper, grilled cheese, chicken breast) and burgers, too.

Those patties are hand-formed and smashed on the grill-top until the edges go crisp. Then they're topped with Wisconsin cheddar cheese, fried onions, slaw, bacon or chili — all the things that make me swoon. It's not a pretty burger when all those toppings are stacked high and rolled into a wrapper. But you can't sweat the small stuff when everything is so, so good.

Schnapper's bread and butter, though, are the hot dogs.

These aren't the kinds spinning endlessly on rollers. These are old-fashioned, butcher shop dogs with a natural casing that snaps when you tear into it. They are char-grilled until blistered and black. That smoky flavor was reminiscent of those campfire days, and I wouldn't be surprised if I let out a gleeful cry when I tasted them.

No matter the toppings, I loved every one I tried — the slaw dog, with creamy, crunchy slaw, mustard and chopped sweet onions; the chili dog; the Chicago dog with sweet relish, onions, cucumber and tomato slices, sport peppers and a dash of celery salt (the only thing missing was a poppy seed bun).

I felt a little more grown up when I tried the Polish kielbasa, its skin even more busted and crisp. Crowding the bun were diced onions, bright green dill relish, pickle spears a smear of mustard and tangy Piccalilli relish.

How many hot dogs are too many hot dogs? I haven't figured that out yet.

The only seating at Schnapper's Hots is outside under the restaurant's blue awnings. It gets hot out there, made even hotter, somehow, by the din of passing cars at a busy intersection and the black-top parking lot out front. I wished there were at least a few whirring fans over the tables and chairs.

Thank goodness, then, for those hand-dipped milkshakes, malts and root beer floats.

Schnapper's makes its sweet treats using ice cream from Big Olaf Creamery out of Sarasota. There at least 16 flavors at the Naples location, and Acheson is eager for you to try as many as you want with a free sampling on one of those little plastic spoons.

And those milkshakes — thick, decadent and rich with caramel, brownie bits and other toppings — are the sweetest end to the most joyful meal I've had in a while.

My waistline won't appreciate it much, but I'll be back to Schnapper's Hots when things get complicated and stressful and adult-y.

When all I want is to feel young again.

Jean Le Boeuf is the pseudonym used by a local food lover who dines at restaurants anonymously and without warning, with meals paid for by The News-Press or Naples Daily News. Follow the critic at facebook.com/jeanleboeufswfl or @JeanLeBoeuf on Twitter and Instagram. 

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Schnapper's Hots

410 Ninth St. S., Naples

• Food: ★★☆☆

• Atmosphere: ★★☆☆

• Service: ★☆☆☆

• Price: $

• Call: 239-228-6838

• Web: facebook.com/schnappershotsnaples

• Hours: 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. Monday through Saturday; closed Sunday

• Noise level: Low

• Etc.: 

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Sample Menu

Sides

• Onion rings, $6.95

• 10 buffalo chicken wings, $8.95

• Regular fries, $2.95

Mains

• The Original Schnapper, $4.95

• Chicken tender basket, $9.95

• Cheeseburger, $6.95

What the symbols mean

★ - Fair

★★ - Good

★★★ - Excellent

★★★★ - Exceptional

$ - Average entree is under $10

$$ - $10-$15

$$$ - $15-$20

$$$$ - $20-$25

$$$$$ - $25 and up

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