Parenting: Learner's permit onboard

I thought I was handling the whole “teen driver” thing fairly well. As my 15-year-old son, with learner’s permit on board, drove through the practically empty streets in the northernmost reaches of Cape Coral, I felt relaxed. I didn’t grab the door handle or feel the need to brace myself in any way. For weeks, we did this. Then we went on the big roads.

Santa Barbara Boulevard. Skyline. Veterans.

My foot stomped an imaginary brake pedal. Repeatedly. My hand reached for the door instinctively and curled into a white-knuckle grasp. Repeatedly.

My son laughed. His eye twinkled. His lipped curled up into a grin. I’m glad he found it funny rather than stressful. Logan isn’t a bad driver. He doesn’t speed. He obediently comes to a full and complete stop at every stop sign. He could slow down a little sooner when coming up on those stop signs and other vehicles. But he listens as I say, “Brake a little more. More. More. MORE!”

And in just a few days, time is helping me become more comfortable with him behind the wheel. After picking him up from school the other day, I stopped the car in the school parking lot and switched places with him. He drove the half-hour home with a stop at Publix on the way. I only grabbed the door handle a few times.

I’ve been taking the advice of a friend who told me that a driving instructor friend of his told him to talk with his daughter as she drove, explaining along the way what you would do. For example, “I notice some kids playing in a driveway up ahead. When I see that sort of thing, I slow down so that if one runs out into the street, I can stop more quickly.” Or: “I see brake lights up ahead. When that happens, I take my foot off the gas and let the car slow a little. If I see it’s more than a tap of their brake, I start braking, too. You can’t always tell right away how severely a car ahead is braking, so you want to be prepared.” Or: “See that woman in the crosswalk? If we were looking down at our phones at this red light, we might not know she’s there. And if someone beeped, you might instinctively hit the gas and injure her.”

He seems to listen to this approach better. It’s not me telling him he’s wrong. And somehow the talking it all through is helping me, too. I’m still grabbing the door handle and “air braking.” But I feel less anxious, more in control, even though I’m not really in control at all. That’s the hard part, isn’t it? Being OK with not being in control.

Pamela Hayford is a mother of two and editor of Southwest Florida Parent & Child magazine. Contact her at pamela@swflparentchild.com, on Facebook (swflparentchild) or Twitter (@swflparentchild).
 

SW FL Parent & Child

The November issue of Southwest Florida Parent & Child magazine is available online and will soon be at family-friendly locations throughout Lee and Collier counties. Inside, three Southwest Florida moms share their tales of Mom the Taxi Driver, often shuttling kids more than 50 miles around town in a single day. Plus, meet children looking for forever families, learn how to raise a foodie and find lots of family events. Learn more at swflparentchild.com.

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