red shed and trees with sun behind them

Starting from Scratch

All photos are of the new property taken over the last year.

It’s funny, I don’t remember how to write these posts. It’s been so long since I’ve been able to open up and talk about some of the personal struggles we’ve faced as homesteader’s and as a large family in the last few years. It’s like that part of my ability to write has atrophied and I don’t know how to expose that pain, frustration, and struggle. And to accept that others will be trivializing it and judging my weakness and frailty. How do you make a Pinterest graphic for that? I’ve told myself, “Who wants to read the homestead story of someone where every line is about the struggle?” There are supposed to be good times and victories and happy memories too. The things that make all the hard work and the radical lifestyle difference worth it.

I want to encourage folks to “live their homestead dream” and even though we moved to a “dream” homestead four years ago, I wasn’t living mine. I look through the ever decreasing number of photos I took in the last 4 years and it’s so strange. It looked like happy days, but we all agree, it didn’t feel like it as we lived them.

We had bought an Amish farm with 8 acres, a large home with a huge farmhouse kitchen and walk-in pantry, root cellar, greenhouse, established orchard with grapes, blackberries, strawberries, raspberries, and fruit trees. A bank barn, heated shop, fenced pasture, a real clothesline, and so much more. Perfect, right? We fought tooth and nail to get there for a year before the big day arrived… and when it did our cow died the next day.

Why We Left the “Perfect” Homestead

And it seems like it was a domino effect, one thing after another as that place wrestled with us while we wrestled against it to bring it into a state of productivity. Can a place wrestle with you? Can it reject you?

We buried countless animals who suffered untimely deaths starting with Maybelle. Worse, I buried my miscarried babies and the season changed as that part of my motherhood came to a close. We went on to learn we had virtually no topsoil and underneath it was compacted dirt streaked with thick bands of grey clay, weeds were opportunistic and prolific. The thistle alone was a nightmare! And the thing I came to realize was even after a 2-year struggle to get it under control, one plant from our neighbor’s mismanaged horse desert pastures (and we were surrounded) that went to seed and blew in and I was right back to square one. In the end, I never really had the hope of gaining ground. Even if I did think I could make headway, I’m sorry but I’ve gotten to the point where it just isn’t worth the time it takes away from building relationships with my family. Even the ultimate, most important reason we had for moving there in the first place, away from our family, painfully was taken from us.

All of those layers and others too personal to share came to a head last year when we took stab at market gardening and when our oldest son moved out on his own.

Last year I realized we had lost our focus, we had lost our vision right alongside our quality of life. We were so focused on growing food, now not just for ourselves, but to supplement our community that we didn’t realize how our main crop, our children, were no longer thriving.

And looking back hadn’t been since we moved while Bill and I fought, day in and day out, to make things on that place work. Never once did any of us feel like it was “home.” The children would fondly reminisce about the days back on our 2 ½ acres. They grew bored and destructive. They were cultivating bad habits and I had been too busy to realize it.

When Jared moved out it hit me fully how short the time is. Those first 18 years might be all we get and I’ve been frittering the last few away working tirelessly to give my family the best food I could grow at the expense of our relationships and their childhood.

It occurred to us that when we upsized to that particular place, though it had the potential for productivity the entire piece of land, being wide open, faced us every day, everywhere we walked on it, with opportunities to expand productivity, until all 8 acres were filled. Leaving the children with a postage stamp piece of grass to play and explore. For all the good it was doing them, we might as well have lived in the city! To curb their boredom, we gave them an increasing amount of farm chores until it filled their spare time. There is a line between working together as a family towards a common goal, teaching children skills, and the value of a work ethic and what we had inadvertently done.

 These are the things the Lord brought to my attention last year while working in the gardens. Ultimately, I was neglecting my true and undeniable calling out of misplaced obedience to my husband and because of my passion for cultivating the land.

I need to find a way to balance it.

Finding our New Home(stead) {It was there all along.}

While the frustration and failures of what was our market garden year were happening, I didn’t have much of a chance to leave the farm, but when I really needed to take a break, get a change of scenery and process my thoughts, the nearest opportunity to be refreshed before getting back to work was a vacant piece of land across the street.

It was a place that Bill had hunted a few times with the boys and we had asked if we could use it for nature study opportunities that weren’t available in a pasture. It was beautiful back there and even though I sat looking out the dining room window at the row of pines along the frontage every day, at least 3 times a day for 3 years, I never would have dreamed of what lay behind the pines. It was like stepping inside of an entirely different world. I could forget the struggles I was facing up on the hill for a few hours.

(If you go to this post and scroll down to the photo with the black cow and says “lower pasture” you’ll see the pines beyond it… that’s where we went.)

Soon after our first few walks back there, we decided that we needed to get our ducks in a row in case the property ever went up for sale. A week later, the owner mentioned he would be selling this year! So much for a row of ducks!

It turns out that the struggles of the last 4 years and last year, in particular, had their point.  Because they drove me to the crisis which put us where we are today. I’ve learned the lessons I was being taught and am thankful to finally see “why” God brought us here in the first place. (Since it obviously wasn’t for the reasons I initially intended.)

We immediately started de-Amish-ifying the home. Projects we never had time for over the last 3 years we finally started working on. The linoleum floors were replaced with hardwood- especially the linoleum in the bedrooms. Everything was given a fresh coat of paint- it was so good not to have pink bedroom anymore! There was less and less oak every day. The yard was finally landscaped. We laugh because it seems like we only ever finish a place to sell it. Meanwhile, we had worked out financing after several attempts. (Is it me or do lenders really not know what they’re doing and everything is “no problem” till you get halfway through the process and one little detail ruins it all?) We even thought selling would be easy because there is an electricity using order of Amish moving into the area.

That turned out not to be the case.

We did get the home under contract fairly quickly and it still looked like things would go well, but the “buyers” sat on their house, rejected offers, etc. until we were down to the wire before the landowner had set a deadline for listing. We tried some incentives to get the “buyers” to move on the sale of their home to no avail. We went on vacation to Maine in July praying hard and returned 2 weeks later feeling hopeless.

The deadline was a week away and there is never much action on a house under contract.

Thankfully, the Lord had other plans and to our astonishment, in the last week before the deadline, we had not one, not two, but three families seriously interested in our home and making offers! We settled on the prospect most likely to move quickly without further hiccups and everything seemed to be smooth sailing as we headed into the closing date.

But 6 days before closing, our lender who had assured us time and again of there being “no problem” came back and said that they didn’t realize there was a trailer on the property (must have missed that in the inspection report 6 weeks before…) and under no circumstances do they lend on land with a trailer.

Six days!!

I had an entire farm to move, livestock and all, with 7 kids! And now nowhere to go with a WEEK left to get it all done! While I frantically searched Zillow (to no avail… we found like 3 “Eh.” prospects) Bill made one last ditch effort and asked the landowner if we could work out a land contract. We had no hope though because we had already discussed it and he had said no for very understandable reasons.

But this time, he said, “Yes.”

So after a year of ups and downs and the final wrestle to sell the old place we are finally here!

Pinch me! WE’RE HERE!

We have to build the house slowly over the next couple years as finances become available. Thankfully, we had enough equity built up in the last home to get started. This land already had electric, well, septic, and a driveway- all major starting expenses. And while we’re building, we will be living in that “cozy” trailer that caused the financing problem in the first place!

It wasn’t our plan for it to all fall into line this way, but I think I’m glad it did because it has made me all the more thankful to be here surrounded by the quiet and privacy and beauty of nature. (And it made large-family-in-a-trailer life not as much to complain about.)

Lay of the Land

There are 42 acres here for our children to play and explore… moreover one day for our grandchildren to play and explore. Realizing the lure of good jobs will take their parents to the city, I hope to create a haven for them to visit, reconnect with creation, and make an opportunity for them to understand where their food comes from and the importance of stewarding the earth.

Here we have a beautiful driveway lined on either side by a plot of pines that is an abandoned Christmas tree farm. The dark woods are blanketed with pine needles and the perfect hiding place when you need quiet.

To each side of that are future pasture areas. So much for “letting native perennial grasses take over.” In reality, that means goldenrod and ironweed and other bur seeded weeds not to mention multiflora rose and wild blackberries. (You know, all food that cows won’t touch.) Part of the one pasture was timbered 4 years ago so it’s full of stumps we’ll need to get out before sowing new grass.

Behind the house site (not pictured above) is a ridgeline that gently drops down to a year-round creek that is abundant with life. The woods behind the house are a beautiful mix and even though it was logged a few years ago, they left more trees than is normal, including many surprisingly large ones.

Behind the creek, the land starts to rise again until it meets the adjoining property but not before there is a pocket of maple and beech trees that glow the most brilliant colors in the fall. Thankfully, we won’t need to go that far to tap maple trees in the spring because around the house clearing are several huge old maples. We’ve selected 10 that we will tap and see how far that gets us.

All told the amount of usable homestead land remains the same, about 8 acres so we won’t be adding on any extra animals or huge gardens beyond our needs and tempted to farm it for profit. But we will be building the infrastructure from scratch. Since it will be in a way that makes the most sense to us and we can make it beautiful as we go I believe it will work better trying to make someone else’s farm work for us.

Our Current Homestead Set-up (Things we already do):

  • Keeping a Jersey cow for  milk
  • Keeping a beef nurse cow and her calves for 2 years
  • Running 2-3 pigs in the woods here and there where the brush needs cleaned out or nuts are abundant
  • Cooping up the laying hens and making a composting run (no more free-ranging woes for us)
  • Raising all of our own meat chickens in the summer
  • Heating 100% with wood
  • Growing and canning vegetables in raised beds in a fenced area
  • Lots and lots of guineas (for the lots and lots of ticks)

Homestead Additions & Plans (Things we’ll add in the next 20 years whenever we get to it):

  • Build infrastructure: Barn, Coop with run, Garden shed (High Priority)
  • Plant pasture (High Priority)
  • Sugar those maple trees
  • Harvest hickory nuts
  • Intersperse fruit trees throughout current tree lines (no dedicated orchard- hoping to deter pests and disease)
  • Small rabbit set up for the occasional meat and compost
  • Season extension with caterpillar tunnels (and not a greenhouse which is a total pain IMHO)
  • Plant a pollinator and herbal meadow
  • Learn how to keep bees
  • Either dig and sock a pond or a natural pool (which is what I’m rooting for!)
  • Grow mushrooms

But who knows? A lot of the planning could be that initial rush of excitement at creating a new homestead. Some of those we might do, some we might never. We know to go slow, keep it simple, and put our quality of life, relationships, and community first now!

For our home build will be trying to use as many natural materials, timber and stone to build the home which will make it all the more special. And truth be told, I’m kind of glad it all worked out in the end that we are forced to do as much of the work as possible ourselves. It certainly will be something that our children will never forget!

If you want to follow along on our journey, the best way to get updates is either to subscribe to our bi-weekly-ish newsletter or on Instagram.

But for now it’s a beautiful day- I’m going outside to soak up some sun!

Here’s to new beginnings!

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18 Comments

  1. Do you own a portable sawmill? That has made all our building dreams a piece of cake!
    So sorry to hear about the miscarriages.
    I believe most people understand. Are you homesteading or looking for a spot on foodnetwork? Life is real and sometimes real painful.
    When I felt like my homestead dream was dashed, overwhelming debt, self employment unstable, I wanted to die with the dream. Then the wise husband stepped in, and let me know it can still happen at the right time. We refocused, placed our priorities on the right things. Soon (years can go by fast!) we were out of debt, life got comfortable, peaceful. Then I realized my love for natural healing and began to study in earnest. 4 months later my husband found out he has cancer. I suddenly had a patient.
    We look back at the steps of our life and see the big picture , The steps of a good man are ordered of the Lord. My husband is healing with natural protocols, and we are at peace, no debt, no pressures. There is enough having a house of children to cuddle, a husband who feels good enough to run that sawmill, and a good garden to fill their bellies.

    1. We don’t own a sawmill but we know a guy who does and is affordable so we will be using some of the timber for the build. I am so sorry to hear of the struggles your family is facing! I admire your resiliency and bravery in the face of it all! Your story is a real encouragement Jessica! I will be keeping you and your husband in my prayers!!

  2. I was 7 when my parents built their first home and we moved in while it was still subfloor too. I have fond memories of being allowed to draw on the floor before the carpet was installed! The whole thing felt like an adventure. Isn’t it funny how seeing a situation through a child’s eyes gives you a whole new perspective? I’m so sorry for the trials you have faced and pray you continue to endure them and one day you look back and see it was all worth it in the end!! Blessings!

  3. Girlfriend! You are living my life! Well, almost. I have 11 children (who 10 of went to public school) that are all raised now. God, in His wisdom and mercy, sent us another baby 7 years ago. And we thought we were done, ha! 18 months ago we moved on to our property. It was raw land, mostly pinen with about twenty maples. We began our build while we lived in our RV. Long story short, my hubby nearly died, the house isn’t finished, but we moved in because the RV fridge and furnace quit. We still don’t have heat or hot water. My floor is still the sub floor which is now the color of the Carolina red clay mud. My animals quarters are okay, but DEFINITELY NOT Pinterest worthy. I homeschool this kiddo, which most days I feel like a horrible failure at. They took all my topsoil when they cleared the land….if only I knew then what I know now! One day last week, I was selling every last thing and moving to Florida! Thank you for your failures, for your extra O’s and for your honesty! I so want to have the perfect little farm, but for today, I will take my smiling little family. God bless you and your family as we travel the homestead roads.

  4. I understand your pain. We moved out here 10 years ago with our seven kids. I had so many aspirations that had to be put on hold. We now have only two at home and I’m slowly adding new skills to my list of homesteading ventures. I had also started a blog I called, ” Surviving the Farm”. I haven’t written in it for a while. Hopefully I’ll survive and be able to write about it some more! Good luck to you and yours!

    1. “Surviving the farm” Love it! That’s certainly what it can feel like! Thank you for being an inspiration and putting first things first!

  5. Congratulations on your new journey. We just broke ground on our new farmhouse on 31 acres. We have been on our 5 acre training farm for 9 years and we are ready to expand. Small house, barn, and fencing first, then all the other stuff. We are excited to expand our dairy goat herd to include a jersey cow and to be able to run pigs more often. And we will hopefully be able to keep a bull for our meat cows with the extra space. And our kitchen garden is going on a concrete slab in raised beds to thwart the ever-problematic Bermuda grass. As a lifelong vegetable gardener, the idea af being so removed from the soil kills me, but I have 4 kids and so my time is better used elsewhere.
    Good luck! Can’t wait to see it grow!

    1. And good luck to YOU! Sounds like you have a great vision for your new place. I so respect what you’re doing with the garden and choosing to meet the needs of your kids first rather than become a slave to your garden! Blessings to you!

  6. Agree with above, I love the personal post. I missed your ‘voice’. Thank you for sharing, I’ve gone through something similar the past year and it’s been ROUGH! I do believe it’ll all make sense given enough time. I’m excited to see how your journey unfolds! Love from a stranger!!!

  7. Thanks for sharing. My husband had a dream to have a small farm after retiring from his military career. I lacked the passion and enthusiasm at first, however, I jumped on board for the sake of being a good partner by sharing a dream and passion. Our story has been one of struggle and frustration as I learned this is what I love doing and have loved our lives here in our “perfect home” . My husband, who is retired from active duty status, but still works another government job full time, as decided that his life is miserable here due to his hour and half commute. We now find ourselves with our perfect “has everything we ever wanted home” on the market. I was devastated to list it, but am also torn by fears that it won’t sell and we will be separated for an unknown period of time. We are currently searching every real estate site out there for another place where he is relocating. So far, our search has been discouraging..as has been our attempts to sell our house. Anyway, he has to leave in the next 2 months regardless.

    1. I am so sorry! That must be so difficult having to say good bye to your home though I’m sure once it’s all said and done you’ll be happy having him with you those several extra hours every day! Praying your home sells quickly so you won’t have to be separated!! ❤️

  8. I’m so glad you posted this. I have been a reader since the beginning and I miss these more “personal” posts. We have been on a similar journey these past 6 years and recently settled in our peaceful home over the summer. I know that feeling of realizing when you are truly “home”. Blessings to you and your family!

    1. Congratulations on your new home! So you happy you found a place that is more than a house 😀 Blessings to you too 😀

  9. Oh Quinn,
    This post about made me cry. I’ve been following your journey for years off and on. I have sensed a real lack of joy in recent years. I am so glad God has led you to this place of peace. I hope he restores your joy in serving your family. I have seen other homesteaders destroy their lives in a confusion of what is truly important. I’m glad you have the courage to share your story.
    Gina