Wisconsin women transform wedding gowns into outfits for infants at the end of life

TWIN LAKES - Joseph Robert Meisinger came into this world on Jan. 9, 2006.

His parents knew something was wrong.

Joey, as they called their 7-pound son, struggled to breathe regularly. He had six fingers on each hand and six toes on each foot. Doctors determined he had been born missing most of his brain stem, the result of a genetic abnormality. Joey was one of only 34 known cases in the world.

His mother, Dawn Meisinger, dressed him in a Chicago Bears onesie she had bought for him to wear home. Instead, he was baptized in it.

He died Jan. 17, 2006 — eight days after his birth.

"There was no closure," his mother said.

Then, in 2014, a close family friend mentioned a project in Texas that transforms wedding gowns into outfits for infants who are at the end of life. She should start a similar program in Wisconsin, the friend said.

Meisinger didn't know how she could pull it off. She did not sew and was anxious about starting something she could not complete. But a few weeks later, she logged into Facebook and searched for a local "buy, sell, trade" page. She typed a short post about herself and her proposed project.

Within an hour, she had been offered 62 wedding dresses.

Her volunteer organization, Sweet Send Aways, was born.

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Making memories

It doesn't matter how long or short a child's life is, the loss to a parent is painful and lasting, said Nichole Schwerman, bereavement coordinator at Children's Hospital of Wisconsin, where Joey died.

The hospital offers services to help parents with memory making — special photography of newborns, plaster for molds of their tiny hands or feet, and ink and scrapbook paper to capture handprints or footprints.

Meisinger brought the concept of Sweet Send Aways to Schwerman, who thought it was a "wonderful idea" for families that often are overwhelmed by the emotional decisions they must make about end-of-life care. It also can be difficult to find clothing small enough for a premature infant. In the past, some parents would be forced to select from dolls' clothing.

"Families are very grateful," Schwerman said.

For nearly three years, nurses at Children's Neonatal Intensive Care Unit have given away the outfits for families to use in baptisms, burials or bereavement photography. Schwerman estimates about 100 families have been helped through the program, with many finding special meaning that the gown is coming from another parent who has a lost a child.

In that time, Sweet Send Aways has expanded to provide feathered angel wings, tutus, bonnets, beaded sandals, bow ties, blankets and stuffed animals. Toy bunnies, giraffes and Scottie dogs serve as "linking objects," a tangible keepsake for families who otherwise would not have a favorite toy or other objects to remember their child by.

“Anything that my son was placed on — a blanket, a hat, anything — I took that and I put them in Ziplock bags because that was his," Meisinger said. "That’s all I had."

The volunteers

Susan Capozzi of Burlington was the first to answer Meisinger's online call for a volunteer seamstress. The mom of six, who works as a dental hygienist and tutor, knew how to sew from years of quilting.

She also could relate to Meisinger, having lost a child late in pregnancy years earlier.

“It was very sudden and very painful," Capozzi said. "You’re pregnant and then your dreams are shattered.”

Creating the infant-sized gowns and tiny stuffed animals became part of her own healing process.

Terri Nowicki of Twin Lakes and her aunt, Marge Allender, whose family once owned a local fabric store, soon joined the effort.

“It’s an outlet for me because I enjoy it," said Nowicki, who sewed her own children's clothes when they were younger.

Her aunt, who has been sewing since age 8, was drawn to helping families in their grief and making "a good feeling in their heart."

The volunteers have created more than 946 garments. The donated wedding gowns, now numbering 300 and kept in a storage facility, come from across the country and Canada, varying in styles and materials. Some are heavy with ornate beading or lace, others have yards of smooth satin.

A longtime friend of Meisinger's, Rene Emmerich, whose mother first mentioned the idea for Sweet Send Aways, now lives in Texas and collects gowns there. She also creates the infant-sized outfits and ships them to Wisconsin. She said she sees how the project has helped Meisinger, who has a 10-year-old son and 20-year-old daughter, move forward.

For Emmerich, the project is a way to honor to her own son, now 25, who was born without an esophagus and has struggled with severe health problems his entire life.

"He's a miracle kid," she said. "This is more or less a thank you to God for letting me keep my son."

'Something good'

One of Meisinger's favorite photos of Joey is his tiny hand nearly encircled by his parents' wedding rings.

She loves the symbolism of unity found in the rings and in the wedding gowns her volunteers transform. But she knows other women donate for different reasons. At least one woman said she had been in an abusive relationship but wanted her gown to "stand for something good," Meisinger said.

Meisinger has yet to meet a family who has received an outfit for their baby, but some have expressed interest and others have left posts of thanks on the group's Facebook page. One mother whose infant daughter died at Children's Hospital said she was not prepared and had nothing for her to wear until a nurse offered a Sweet Send Aways outfit.

"It sure was a beautiful dress, and she certainly gained her wings in style," the woman wrote.

Sweet Send Aways has gradually expanded beyond Children's Hospital, making kits with outfits, accessories and stuffed animals for bereavement photographers and counselors who travel to area hospitals.

The seamstresses donate their time and many materials. Meisinger buys feathers, tulle and other supplies, using donations and gift cards when she has them. She hopes to eventually expand the nonprofit so she can pay the seamstresses for their work.

On a clear, sunny day this March, Meisinger and her volunteers gathered around a kitchen table and chatted about inventory, new designs and their children. Capozzi, the quilter who lost a child late in pregnancy, looked across the table and caught Meisinger's eye.

“I think Joey's proud of you for what you’re doing," she said.

For more information on Sweet Send Aways, visit the Facebook group here.