Tongue in Cheek

Yesterday, I received again devastating news about my cousin Julie, Sacha's Buddhamere.

If I wasn't so sad I would have had time to feel downright mad at the God I call Love.

I know Love has no bounds and that God can take my anger with a grain of salt.

Some hit pillows I have a good go at God, it helps to be able to dump it somewhere...

Miracles Happen

and when they do

there is a joyous elation of life, love, and a boost to faith.

Whether the miracle is big or small

and for however long 

My mother always said, "When someone dies everyone is very present to the loved ones for the first few weeks, which is good and needed. But do not forget in six months, or even a year after that those who have lost someone still need loving attention, maybe even more so as the weeks turn into months as life goes on for those who haven't...

Thank you for all your loving attention and kindness.

Haven't we all had a complicated ongoing year plus, and for some it has been terribly hard.

Thank you for your love sent to Pam, she is in need of every ounce of healing.

With Cynthia's passing so many memories have been stirred up. I hope to share some as time goes on.

...

Pam a longtime reader of my blog who has become a friend of mine

is in the hospital with pneumonia and is intubated.

Her husband Rick has asked me to pray and I am asking you to join with me to

ask for healing grace and gentleness to surround her. 

Paris 1989 (repost from 2006)

Once upon a time and one time only,

did French Husband help deliver a wedding cake for our dear American friend Cynthia, who had an American bakery in Paris.

Cynthia who introduced chocolate chip cookies, brownies, cheesecake, bear claws, and muffins to the Parisians back in...

(Quote from Instagram. The antique santon belongs to Dorlis a wonderful artist and curator of beautiful things. The crown of thorns was made by my friend Philippe. The two of them had a stunning exposition for Holy Week.)

There is a beginning to every end.

There is light in darkness.

There is forgiveness

and suffering.

Prayer doesn’t always bring you what you want

nor what you need.

it is okay to doubt, to be mad and

not want to hear someone tell you how to be better.

What are some of your reflections after this year living with Covid?

(photo and text via my friend Rachel Baker’s Instagram.)

I have various covid reflections rambling around in me but what strikes me most is the daily conversation about this subject the actual living through it each step and wondering will it ever end if we do not...

Gabriel's daycare was short-lived.

He started last week. Since September I had been going to and from Paris every week to watch him.

I was sad to give up my role but happy too to have my days back at home.

And happy that he could play with other children, which he hasn't been able to most of his little life.

Tonight France...

What is perfection?

What is loved-

What is created for someone-

and cherished-

even when it is worn true.

what is perfection?

a loaf of bread, a lily and contentment in the simple things that nourish us and bring beauty.

 When you have only two pennies left in the world,

buy a loaf of bread with one,

and a lily with the other.

~Chinese Proverb

(thank you Jeanne for sharing this quote with me)

I am fortunate.

I have a good life.

I have a family who loves me, food to eat, a roof over my head. I am healthy and in no pain.

I have running water, more than enough to...

When you cannot be together 

because your countries are in lockdown to each other

and your hearts are longing.

Love finds a way.

Paradise found.

The Little Squirt pointed to the canister on his parent's dresser that held phone-chargers, plugs, a hair clip or two, some receipts, and a few lollipops.

"Gabriel, I don't think the lollipop is the answer."

You see the handlebar to his pushbike was up too high and I could not lower it no matter how hard I tried. When I told him I couldn't...

Paris and several other regions went into a stricter lockdown

than what all of France has been experiencing since October.

Parts of Palais Royal where Gabriel and I go to hang out were completely closed off.

Nevertheless, we had a good time. 

Now that the weather is nice the parks are packed.

Everyone wears a mask.

...

my friend Pam sent this to me. It says a lot about living with grief and not holding back about living and loving.

Live love abundantly.

That is the question.

What am I waiting for and why am I waiting?

Does time take the lead?

Or is procrastination the culprit?

What am I longing for?

SPRING.

Renewal.

Covid to end.

...and you?

It is that lace thing again, every now and then I must show it.

The funny thing about this lace attraction of mine is I do not use it. I do not sew it on my sheets, towels, 

or pillowcases.

I don't create with lace or attach it to my clothing.

Nor do I doll-up a doll with lace.

Nope, none of it. So why am I attracted...

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1800s tinted engraving on a young maiden with flowers in her hair.

Wildflowers from my walk today.

Spring come, come as soon as you can!

xxx

Thank you for your response regarding if and how you saw my blog.

For some unknown reason it was not appearing on the 16th to most of you,

then popped up twice, then not at all, then come up late on the 17th.

I have no idea why. But it is working now so all is good.

Wish I knew more about why my blog acts bizarrely sometimes 

I...

A light at the end of the tunnel,

a burst a of spring in front of the last winter branches.

Two realities

the end of winter, the beginning of spring.

My blog appears not to be posting

trying to see if this works.

If you can see this please can you send a comment or an email.

Please tell me if you see this on your email subscription and or through your browser?

Thank you.

Photo via Permillion

(Permillion has a beautiful beautiful account on Instagram. She takes photos of books with flowers.)

Thank you for all of your wonderful book selections for Gabriel! 

Today would have been my brother Marty's 61st birthday.

I found Permillion's quote tender,

it is almost spring.

Almost

Grief is a passage...

Please can you suggest some favorite books of yours.

we have Good Night Moon, which is a classic and I have plenty of books from when Chelsea and Sacha were little too

but I am curious to know of more since we do not live in the States I am not aware of all the titles.

Chelsea and I are speaking English to Gabriel, Yann and Martin...

For over a year I faithfully walked five miles or more every day as a prayer for my brother.

I walked in rain, heat, at night, early in the morning, during curfew in a circle in our courtyard...

I did it no matter what and in the back of my mind, I would think if my brother has to suffer for no reason every day with terminal cancer

I certainly...

 
Tulips that I stood by

outside a flower shop

under a canopy in the rain

Wind whirled

the sidewalk glistened 

with the changing sky

I thought about my umbrella back home

... the cut flowers in their buckets

brought me joy

remained as they were

brave delicate blooms

Reminding me nature’s...

Reading to a baby

one page half-read

turning 

two pages back,

then upside down 

followed with

words in a row interrupted by sounds and 

lots of facial expressions.

And when the pictures become real

on the life stage...

We spend much time admiring trucks, garbage trucks, and...

Need a cameraman?

Need a daredevil?

Need an artist?

Need a perfectionist?

Need anything to do with filming?

I know just the person.

so happy for Sacha but I must admit when he told me about this gig I said,

”You’ll be harnessed and safely attached right?”

Then I spent the entire...

My brother Marty said that friends and family changed the way they talked to him when they heard he was seriously ill with cancer. Their tone was different their concern and sorrow showed and he longed for everyone to talk to him like they did before; to shoot the breeze, talk about their days, their dreams, their lives as they did before...

 Listening

to my breathing,

trusting its message.

Thank you for enjoying the photo of G,

I still crack up

when I see that

photo of Gabriel.

just too cute...

those rolls

that expression

and his tum tummy.

I am in Paris babysitting.

We went to the park 

I sat in a toy house while we 

pretended to eat pasta.

Then we watch a young couple

practice acrobatic moves

...

French Husband found this at a brocante and rushed over to me exclaiming he found something he knew I would love.

I loved that he was so happy.

He gets the imperfection perfection concept.

The tender dance of grieving

two steps forward one step back

In grief, loving hurts

then it heals

in a tempo with uneven steps

until the rhythm

becomes fluid

with heart and mind

with the delicate steps 

of sweet sorrow

slowly becomes 

soften edges.

...

As today was a glorious warm spring day one like we haven’t seen in while I packed the stroller with what we might need to spend the entire day outside. As you probably know when you are with a baby be it with a stroller, a car, or on a plane it seems like everything in the house tags along: A change of clothes, diapers, diaper wipes, water,...

Gabriel wore his apple hat from V

We had the best day

hanging out with the columns

at the Palais Royal.

We finally or I should say I finally gave in to comfort and pleasing my children and son in law.

Gabriel calls the new sofa a boat “bateau” and he has it right. 
We can sail away in it!

Evening falls,

the sky grows dark,

the moon comes up,

and stars bloom like flowers.

 a constant change

earth and sky

subtle and strong

the water flows

Down below in the silence,

in the stillness, in the darkness...

the garden grows unafraid.

 
Look who climbed up on the chair.

In lieu of flowers, 

I would wish for you to flower. 

I would wish for you to blossom, to open, to be beautiful…

I would wish for you to align your soul,

for a time, with flowers.

~ Shawna Lemay

A lovely video about my brother Marty.

Yesterday Marty's body was laid to rest

My family had a private mass in our hometown

Sacha was one of the pallbearers along with other nieces and nephews.

A graveside service followed and cousins and friends were there.

My cousin Julie (Sacha's Godmother) had me on video so I could be there in...

At first glance I thought the oil painting I found at the brocante  was of an Angel sleeping but after a closer look it is of a young man who has taken off his clothes for a swim, and later resting while using a bunch of twigs as a head rest which at a glance look like Angel wings.

Or maybe it is an earthly Angel in disguise. 

...