This post is a work of fiction sponsored by Camp Chateaugay

Eleven year old Kami tapped her pen against her lip, tilted her head, and pondered how she should describe the last two weeks in her journal. When her parents had told her that she would be going to an Adirondack Camp she hadn’t been thrilled. Which was probably why her mom had waited until the last possible moment to tell her! Literally! They were in the car driving into the mountains when her mom had turned around and asked her to watch a video on her iPad. Kami had sighed dramatically, removed her earbuds, and accepted the iPad from her mother’s hand. The video was a montage of kids at summer camp, playing, laughing, swimming, crafting, etc. It looked fun enough but she had no clue why her mother insisted on making her watch the thing!

“Looks fun enough,” she muttered as she passed the iPad back to the front seat and started to put her earbuds back in her ears so she could retreat from this forced family fun trip to her music.

Her mother stopped her. “Kami, wait. We need to talk.” She glanced nervously at Kami’s dad who kept his eyes focused on the road ahead. Obviously no help was coming from there. “Kami, you know that we have wanted to send you to summer camp the last couple of years?”

“Yeah. I don’t want to. I like the city. I’m allergic to nature. I have enough friends.” Kami was enumerating the reasons that she had talked her parents out of shipping her off to camp until now. She was quite sure that she could avoid it again this year!

“Kami, your dad and I both loved summer camp when we were kids and it’s an experience that we really want you to have! It will be fun!” Her mother had sighed and then dropped her bombshell announcement. “I knew you would fight us again if we tried to talk you into going so we decided to just make the decision for you. You ARE going to camp!”

“No. I’m. Not.” Kami muttered.

That was when Dad decided to join the conversation. “Yes, young lady. You are! I wasn’t sure about springing it on you like this but … Your mom has packed everything you need and it’s all in the trunk. We’ll be at the camp in about 30 minutes.”

“You have got to be kidding me!” Kami exclaimed. Upon seeing her dad’s eyes in the rearview mirror she decided to switch tactics and try begging. “Daddy please. I don’t want to go to camp. Please take me home!”

“Not this time, K! We have let you talk us out of it the last couple of years but we truly believe that summer camp is an experience you should have. You are going and you will thank us for it later. Honest.”

Somehow Kami knew that they were serious and she wasn’t going to be able to convince them to cancel this plan but she tried one more tactic. “What about my ballet, art, and music lessons? I can’t afford to miss those. Besides … you already paid for them. They’re counting on me to be there!”

Mom responded this time, “I have spoken with all of those programs, Kami. They know that you are going to summer camp and will be back in a couple of weeks. It’s going to be fine!”

Kami had thrown herself back in the seat and began to cry. They were really going to make her do this and she was going to be miserable!

She laughed to herself as she thought about how silly she had been. The Adirondack Camp had been every bit as wonderful as her parents had promised and she had loved it! She had been assigned an older camper, Rebecca, as a “big sister” as soon as she got there. Rebecca had helped her settle in and had agreed with her that it was awful for her parents to sneak her up here the way they did. But then she told Kami that she did agree with them that she would love it here as long as she would relax and let herself have fun. Kami had agreed to try.

Summer Camp is a post written by Beth Zimmerman . Please consider visiting the post, on Masterpiece - created to love people and bring glory to God, to leave a comment and find similar content. I'd love to connect with you on my Facebook Profile, Facebook Page, or Twitter Thanks! Beth

I sit here today feeling blessed. Thunder is shaking my house and I can hear the rain pouring down but my family is safe and we still have our home. So many in my beloved state (Oklahoma) are not able to say that today. The images, videos, and news reports are horrific and heart breaking. Yet we hear again and again messages of hope, faith, and inspiration. We will rebuild. We will overcome!

If you want to know how you can help … there is a comprehensive list here.  In the meantime please pray for those who are facing such devastating losses.

Here are a couple of items from that larger list:

American Red Cross
The Red Cross has set up shelters in various communities. You can donate to the Red Cross Disaster Relief Fund here, and the organization also suggests giving blood at your local hospital or blood bank. Fundraising efforts were buoyed Tuesday by a $1 million pledge from Kevin Durant, of the Oklahoma City Thunder basketball team, via his family foundation.

If you’re searching for a missing relative, check Red Cross Safe & Well’s site. And please register if you’re within the disaster region. The site is designed to make communication easier after a tragedy like this.

If you want to send a $10 donation to the Disaster Relief fund via text message, you can do so by texting the word REDCROSS to 90999. As in the case with other donations via mobile, the donation will show up on your wireless bill, or be deducted from your balance if you have a prepaid phone. You need to be 18 or older, or have parental permission, to donate this way. (If you change your mind, text the word STOP to 90999.)
Phone: 1-800-RED CROSS (1-800-733-2767); for Spanish speakers, 1-800-257-7575; for TDD, 1-800-220-4095.

Oklahoma Baptist Disaster Relief

This organization says donations will “go straight to help those in need providing tree removal services, laundry services and meals to victims of disasters.” 

It is requesting monetary donations (It says clothing is NOT needed). For more information, and to donate, visit Oklahoma Baptist Disaster Relief’s website.

You can send checks to: BGCO, Attn: Disaster Relief, 3800 N. May Ave., Oklahoma City, OK., 73112.

My Oklahoma Home is a post written by Beth Zimmerman . Please consider visiting the post, on Masterpiece - created to love people and bring glory to God, to leave a comment and find similar content. I'd love to connect with you on my Facebook Profile, Facebook Page, or Twitter Thanks! Beth

I don’t know if he is oblivious to my pain or if he is just afraid to go there (conversation). Some times I am so frustrated. So alone. So scared of a future where everything is so broken and dark and scary.

I decided last night that I need a break from Candy Crush. It was making me tense, raising my blood pressure, and I was near (literal) tears when it told me I had failed. Again.

Josiah and I watched Safe Haven last night. Really good movie. I won’t give away the story line but there was some background tension. I felt it in my neck through the whole movie and I was physically shaking afterwards. I think I am living on the edge too much of the time and it takes little or nothing to push me over.

I woke up during the night last night have some weird “headaches.” It was like I could see, hear, and feel lightning sizzling in my brain. Never had one of those before.  Halfway expected to wake up dead this morning.

Sorry … just having a broken day …

Broken is a post written by Beth Zimmerman . Please consider visiting the post, on Masterpiece - created to love people and bring glory to God, to leave a comment and find similar content. I'd love to connect with you on my Facebook Profile, Facebook Page, or Twitter Thanks! Beth

I picked Erica up and we headed off to get her registered for the Sober Living House. I don’t think she stopped talking the whole time we were in the car. I did a LOT of biting my tongue!

First she was telling me about a recent conversation with her parole officer in which that woman told her that some time in prison might be what she needed since she seems to believe that the rules are for everyone else and don’t apply to Erica. I bit my tongue and raised an eyebrow as she continued, “I told her I’d heard that speech before.” Um yeah … most of her life! She followed up with a noncommittal ”maybe everyone’s right,” and kept on rolling.

The one that really gets me, and she repeats it every time I talk to her, is a speech about how the root of her problems is a failure to put her own needs ahead of everyone else. The girl believes this crap! I won’t deny that she was swept away by unwise friendships and bad relationships but she entered those relationships with her eyes wide open. Often with us screaming “what are you doing,” in the background! And when she separated from the fathers of her children, we advised her to seek full custody, and she refused because she “deserved her own life and some free time.” I think her problem is rooted in the fact that she doesn’t see anyone’s needs BUT her own!

But therein lies the root of all sin. Wanting whatever I think is best, most convenient, or most comfortable for me, regardless of whether it’s right or wrong or if it hurts someone else! And we are all prone to that temptation. It is only love that allows us to see, and prioritize, others.

I don’t know what the future holds for this girl. I love her but she is not the same person she was when she left our home as a young adult. Life and loss have hurt her. Drugs have damaged her. I don’t know if she can be healed and restored. I know God is capable of that miracle and we will keep praying for it! But He works in surrendered lives and she’s not there yet.

Thanks for praying with us.

Biting My Tongue is a post written by Beth Zimmerman . Please consider visiting the post, on Masterpiece - created to love people and bring glory to God, to leave a comment and find similar content. I'd love to connect with you on my Facebook Profile, Facebook Page, or Twitter Thanks! Beth

image courtesy of Bill Frymire

 

My husband and I have grown weary of our adult daughter calling ONLY when she needs something. And to be honest … I guess I blame her for at least part of the stress that we have been through in the past couple of years. Having your child make such destructive choices makes you question who you are as a person and what you did as a parent. We know that she is responsible for her own choices. But some times the inner voices taunt us and tell us that it’s our fault.

Several months ago her parole officer told her that she needed to go to a halfway house. She was determined to avoid that. She told her parole officer she was living at home. The p.o. came by and asked. I told her the truth. She wasn’t. Then she somehow managed to get an apartment and I guess she thought that would suffice. She called a week or so ago panicked because they had told her she was out of time. She could go to a halfway house, as required, or she could go to prison.

She called my husband yesterday and told him that she needed $325 to move into the halfway house. She doesn’t have the money and if she doesn’t move in by this weekend she will be in violation of her parole and be sent to prison. Part of me thinks … so be it! Yet another part knows that I can’t do that! Well … I probably could. I know though that Bert cannot.

Among other problems … we don’t have spare cash! I haven’t even been able to pay all the bills yet this month! And I need that $325 to make the car insurance payment! But we agreed, with some help from Josiah, to loan her the money so she can move in. However … we also agreed that this is all we can give her! There is a weekly charge to be able to stay at the residence and we cannot, and will not, cover it!

I was going to go to the bank and pick up cash for Bert to take to her. Josiah came in and said that he didn’t want us to give her cash. (Which I understand! I have said the same thing on numerous occasions!) If he was going to provide the money … he wanted it paid directly to the facility. And I’m the only one available to go so I will take her tomorrow and give them the money.

I expressed some frustration because she only calls when she needs something. Also I have offered to pay her to help with housework, yard work, cleaning out our sheds, etc. She never shows up. Like I said … there is part of me that wants her to start facing the consequences of her choices. And I said so.

A few minutes later, Josiah, my tenderhearted son, came into the living room and told me that there is nothing in Erica’s life to indicate that she has been saved. (Christian) And if she died tonight … she would go to Hell. Therefore we must take every single opportunity we have to speak love, mercy, forgiveness, grace, and truth into her life!

He’s right. And in my focus on how offended and hurt I am … perhaps I am not as loving as God calls me to be. But this part of my life … it just isn’t easy!

Justice and Mercy is a post written by Beth Zimmerman . Please consider visiting the post, on Masterpiece - created to love people and bring glory to God, to leave a comment and find similar content. I'd love to connect with you on my Facebook Profile, Facebook Page, or Twitter Thanks! Beth

I have sat down to this empty text box several times this week. Just can’t seem to find words … or energy. I have allowed myself to slip back into a few bad habits, or out of good ones, and I need to find a way to change that.

I came home from church, and lunch with friends, on Sunday and changed into shorts and a t-shirt. I was still wearing them this morning when I FORCED myself to go take a shower. Such is life with depression (some times). Too much work to change into pajamas, bathe, put on clean clothes, etc. But like I said … I forced myself through it, took a shower, and put on clean clothes. I will make good choices again tomorrow. I promise.

I allowed myself to get addicted to Coke Zero again. Really bad thing about that is that I am convinced that aspartame is responsible for the majority of my (non-tension) headaches. I have got to give the stuff up again! This isn’t going to be pretty! I drank the last Coke Zero in the house yesterday so I have 24 hours down. The next 48 will probably be rough but then it becomes more a matter of choice rather than addictive “need.” I just better remember this next time I am tempted to indulge!

The other habits that I have slid back into are late nights of TV and internet, followed by sleeping in, and eating wrong. I allowed myself some “leeway” during BlissDom, and a visit with my parents, and I can’t seem to pull it back together. I’m eating sugars and grains (both major no nos) and I am not exercising. I have got to get back to water aerobics and some strength training!

I know! I know! The caffeine, in the soda, is interfering with my sleep! And eating wrong, no exercise, and poor sleep, mess with my depression! I think I need a keeper!

I have already given up the soda. I will eat right as soon as we buy groceries. And I will go back to the YMCA next week if it kills me!

Bad Habits is a post written by Beth Zimmerman . Please consider visiting the post, on Masterpiece - created to love people and bring glory to God, to leave a comment and find similar content. I'd love to connect with you on my Facebook Profile, Facebook Page, or Twitter Thanks! Beth

A few years ago we needed to buy a new vacuum cleaner. I, always looking for the most efficient way to do my work (more time to blog), wanted a Dyson. Hubby, with an eye on the budget, picked up a Eureka, at Sam’s, for $69.95. He thought it “looked like a Dyson.”

The first time I used it, it did a pretty good job. But I still wanted my Dyson and I grew increasingly frustrated with this machine’s full dirt cup, filthy air filter, and progressively less effective suction.

This past Saturday I was home alone and determined to get my house really clean.  One of my self-assigned tasks would be vacuuming. I sat down with my non-Dyson to dump the dirt cup before vacuuming and sighed in frustration as buts of dust and hair filled the air and covered the carpet around the trash can. I tried to pull as much debris as possible off the filter before wedging the dirt cup back into position. As I sat glaring at my assorted vacuum cleaner parts, I noticed some directions written inside the machine … behind the collection cup.

1. Thoroughly wash and dry filter screen and foam filter ring. Regularly.

2. Replace air filter every 6 months.

3. etc.

So as I said, I’ve owned this thing for years and never even considered washing the parts! (A natural housekeeper I am NOT!) I wonder if you have to do that with a Dyson? And I had never even considered replacing the air filter. I wasn’t going to go to the store to buy a new filter at that moment but I did figure I could at least attempt to clean the innards of the offensive machine.

I knocked the air filter against the edge of the trash can until it stopped dispensing dust and debris. YUCK! Then I took the filter screen (a metallic mesh cone) and foam filter to the kitchen sink to wash them. I ran hot water over the filter screen and it rinsed clean fairly quickly. Next I held the foam filter under running hot water and watched in disgust as the water flowed, in a steady black stream, from my hand and disappeared down the garbage disposal. I would periodically squeeze the foam to get more filth out of it. I’m not sure how long it took. I wouldn’t have believe a little foam ring could hold that much dirt. Finally the water was running clear so I squeezed the foam firmly to get it as dry as possible and then left the pieces on the counter to air dry. An hour or so later I put my little Eureka machine back together and proceeded to vacuum.

I couldn’t believe the difference it made in the results to start with a clean vacuum cleaner! It was able to work far better and pulled a lot more dirt out of the carpets. I actually enjoyed walking on them barefoot for the next couple of days!

Don’t get me wrong … I still want a Dyson! But at least now I know what it takes to get this wannabe to do a halfway decent job! If your vacuum cleaner isn’t working as well as you would like … you might want to consider reading the directions! =) And clean the filters!

But I Wanted a Dyson is a post written by Beth Zimmerman . Please consider visiting the post, on Masterpiece - created to love people and bring glory to God, to leave a comment and find similar content. I'd love to connect with you on my Facebook Profile, Facebook Page, or Twitter Thanks! Beth

I waged a war against infertility throughout my 20s. Accepted that God had a right to plan a different life for me, when I was 30, and had my one and only baby 3 days before my 31st birthday. I wrote about that journey, here, on Natasha’s blog. Today I want to share with you another story on the same topic.

I’m not sure anyone, who hasn’t been there, can imagine what it is like to face infertility … for a full decade … while all of your friends and siblings have baby after baby. What it does to your heart to read of abandoned, and aborted, pregnancies, when you face one negative test after another. How it feels to go to baby showers, and work in church nurseries, wondering if it will ever be your turn!

There was a period of time in which just seeing a pregnant woman sent me into something too close to rage. I ranted and railed against a God who would taunt me with dreams of a future that He wouldn’t allow. I came to a place of peace and acceptance, when I came to Christ, in March of 1989. The rage was gone but a certain sadness remained. It was manageable most of the time but some days … are just hard!

I did have one baby, so technically what I had was limited fertility rather than complete infertility. I also had 2 first trimester miscarriages. One of those is the beginning of this story. It was September and Josiah was 6 years old when we found out we would have another baby and we were thrilled!  We celebrated this new life (a baby girl that we planned to name Libby) for less than 2 weeks when I realized something wasn’t right. I made an appointment at a obstetrics clinic and went in for an exam. The doctor, who had no understanding of how much I wanted this baby, calmly announced that she thought it might be an ectopic pregnancy and she wanted to do an ultrasound. She sent me back to the waiting room (full of pregnant women and new mamas) to wait for the ultrasound to be available.

I huddled in a corner of the waiting room, weeping and praying. Begging God to not make me choose to terminate this pregnancy. If they said it was ectopic and I had to have surgery … I wasn’t sure I could do it. God answered that prayer and I lost my precious baby while sitting in a waiting room full of mamas and babies. I was broken, and for a while I mourned deeply, but time and grace brought healing. At least until the following Mother’s Day.

I have several dear friends with large families so it was inevitable that one of them would have a child around the same age that “Libby” would have been. Our church was doing baby dedications on Mother’s Day and our friends asked us to stand with them as they dedicated their baby to the Lord. We were honored. I didn’t realize until I was standing there, on a stage, in an auditorium full of people, that had I not miscarried … we would be dedicating OUR baby this day! And I lost it. I stood through the dedication service with tears pouring down my face and then I ran out of the auditorium.

I don’t think our friends understood what happened and I never wanted to explain … to anyone. It hurt too much! Our friendship never fully recovered. I suspect that she thought I resented her children. I didn’t. I just mourned my own!

God is good and He restored my peace and joy after another, shorter, period of mourning! He gave me a vision of my baby girl in Jesus lap. And because I KNOW that she is a soul created by God … I believe I will see her, and hold her for the first time, when I get home to Heaven!

This Mother’s Day … please be aware of those among you with empty arms! The ones mourning the deaths of children gone too soon. And the ones mourning the death of their own dreams! Both are incredibly hard and the mourning is deep and painful!

As to my “knowing” that this baby was a girl … I “knew” that Josiah would be a boy and I was right. Somehow I also “knew” that this child was a girl. If I’m wrong … I suspect that the boy will forgive me for always thinking of him as Libby. =)

Mother’s Day and Infertility is a post written by Beth Zimmerman . Please consider visiting the post, on Masterpiece - created to love people and bring glory to God, to leave a comment and find similar content. I'd love to connect with you on my Facebook Profile, Facebook Page, or Twitter Thanks! Beth

There is a huge quilt show, in Kansas, every year that starts Mother’s Day weekend and runs through the following week. My sister-in-law, from Pennsylvania, is a quilter and is on the Board of Directors so she and her husband spend every Mother’s Day weekend in Kansas. Kansas is closer than Pennsylvania and my husband loves his sister so he too spends every Mother’s Day weekend in Kansas.

I think I hate Kansas!

I have asked, several times, if I can please go. For 5 years it wasn’t possible because I needed to work. This year he says “no” because they will be doing a lot of walking … which I can’t do. I would be okay staying in the hotel room while they explore Wichita but I suppose that would be awkward to everyone else.

Things have been better lately. He even walked past my recliner and “tweaked my toes” yesterday. (That’s one of the little things that I never noticed until it didn’t happen anymore. A friendly touch as he walked by me.) And yet my insecurities are still in overdrive.

I am choosing to believe that he isn’t lying to me anymore. But there is still a voice in my head, or heart, that is hollering that he says I can’t go because he doesn’t want me there. Or worse yet … that seeing his sister is a cover story for something else. Something worse …

I know, that given the path we have been on for the past couple of years, that it is normal for me to feel this way. And if we were in a better place … I would talk to him about it. Try to make him understand. I don’t feel like I can do that. Either he would “let me go” and I would feel awkward and resented all weekend or (more likely) he would leave alone as planned, with both of us feeling broken and hopeless all weekend long. Lose. Lose.

So I talk to you instead. And I continue to pray for healing. And I choose to trust … because if I decide I can’t do that anymore … it will be the beginning of the end!

Mother’s Day is a post written by Beth Zimmerman . Please consider visiting the post, on Masterpiece - created to love people and bring glory to God, to leave a comment and find similar content. I'd love to connect with you on my Facebook Profile, Facebook Page, or Twitter Thanks! Beth

I sat down with Brandi Jeter, of Collective Bias and Mama Knows It All, for a blog critique. I wrote about that here. I’ll wait if you want to go read it real quick.

{Cue Jeopardy Music …}

After I decided to follow Brandi’s advice, focus on this blog, and put the other one on hiatus, I set about trying to move my followers from there to here. I knew, from previous experience, that I could ask you to slide on over and some of you would do it. But others are, like me, procrastinators, and you would get lost in the shuffle. Moving the mail people was easy! Those of you who subscribe in a reader … not so much! I couldn’t figure it out so I wrote to Feedblitz Support and asked them for help. And some time yesterday afternoon … it happened! So even if you were subscribed only to Beth Zimmerman … you now get Masterpiece because it’s my only blog. At least for a while. Although BlogLovin seems a bit confused as to which blog to assign my posts to which may just be because they are duplicates.

One of the things that was driven home to us at the Conference was the importance of having a way to contact our audience by email. Only about 1/8 of my subscribers are currently using the email subscription option and I would like to know if there is anything I can do to improve that. I created a super-quick 5 question survey that I would truly appreciate your feedback on. It should take you about 30 seconds to complete. Thank you in advance! Click here to take survey

Are You Wondering How You Got Here? is a post written by Beth Zimmerman . Please consider visiting the post, on Masterpiece - created to love people and bring glory to God, to leave a comment and find similar content. I'd love to connect with you on my Facebook Profile, Facebook Page, or Twitter Thanks! Beth