I just taught a couple of classes in the Harvard Wellness Conference during Wintersession, and got this letter from one of the students:

“Thank you so much for speaking at our conference; it was really nice meeting you. Although I only had the chance to attend one of your lectures I felt like I learned a lot and was reminded of some things in my life that I should work harder to improve. I do have a question for you regarding confidence. I feel as though since coming to college I’ve become a lot more insecure and self-conscious, which I thought was the opposite of what was supposed to happen. Do you have any tips or suggestions for building confidence? Thank you so much and I look forward to hearing from you! — Virginia W.”

Well, Virginia, not to worry!  First of all, it’s perfectly natural for us to feel more insecure and self-conscious when we got to college.  Think about it: you left high school the Queen of the Hill! You were the senior, which means that you knew all the tricks and shortcuts.  And not just a senior, but a Harvard-bound senior.  That’s just about as good as it gets for an 18-year old.

Then, of course, you matriculated at Harvard or other college of choice — and got knocked down to the status of freshman, all the way down the food chain, just a notch above an amoeba.  Yeah, it can suck.

Luckily, it’s not a permanent condition, and there are things you can do to build your confidence.  Here are three simple, easy-to-implement suggestions:

1) Bypass confidence entirely by being curious and complimentary.

Mentally, confidence feels a bit like a wall, or armor.  The more confident I am, the taller and stronger that wall.

The problem with a wall is that it can be knocked down, no matter how strong.  It’s also a barrier to true connection.  Even better than confidence, then, is humility.  Here’s what Chapter 66 of the Tao Te Ching has to say about that:

All streams flow to the sea
Because it is lower than they are.
Humility gives it its power.

Confidence is all about you, and you can get flustered, self-conscious and jittery.  But when you focus your attention on the person you’re talking to and do your best to be curious and complimentary about what she has to say, then there’s no mental space for worrying about you.  And you know what?  You will be perceived as confident.

More important than confidence is charm, which is the ability to make the person in front of you feel like a trillion bucks.  And when you’re genuinely curious and complimentary, you will be naturally charming.

2) Create confidence through conviction.

Do you remember those protesters in the Occupy movement and how they faced down armed cops?  What possessed them to do so?  Did they have a genetic makeup that made them more confident than you?

Not necessarily.  One thing they did have: they believed in their cause.  They had tons of conviction in a cause bigger than themselves, and that gave them courage.  And courage is another thing that looks like confidence from the outside.

So whether it’s a job interview or first date, ask yourself: why am I doing this?  What’s the cause bigger than myself that I believe in?  How am I making the world a better place through this action?  Once you have your powerful positive intent (PPI), then you’re tapped into a bottomless reservoir of courage.  And you will appear very confident indeed.

3) Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Novel activities are inherently stressful.  Any time you get on a rollercoaster or speak in front of a group, your neurology is going to secrete some stress chemicals.  And that’s totally normal.

The difference between the rollercoaster and the speech is that most of us consider one fun and the other less so.  But I’m here to tell you that your body’s response to both events is nearly identical.  It’s just that you say you’re excited about the rollercoaster and anxious about public speaking.

I think that being excited is a whole lot more fun than being anxious.  So why not call it excitement all the time?  When you label it as excitement, at a cognitive level somehow you’re a lot more willing to take on a task.  Excitement is empowering while anxiety is disabling.

And now that you’ve re-labeled the feeling, you’re much more able to push through and do the thing you need to do.  As Krishna said to Arjuna in the Bhagavad Gita, “Plunge into the heat of battle, and keep your heart at the lotus-feet of the lord.”  It would be unnatural for you not to feel jitters in novel situations, so take it as a sign that you’re doing it right.

So draw upon the courage you got from your convictions, be curious and complimentary about people and their work, and be excited about novel endeavors.  Then, more than just being confident, you’ll be a conqueror of anything that comes in your path.

So you guys are pretty early in your college career, which means it’s an excellent time for me to influence you about whether or not to go to medical school.  This article has been the #1 hit for the Google search “why you should not go to medical school” for some time now on my old blog, so check it out:

Why you should not go to medical school: a gleefully biased rant

In the few years since I’ve graduated from medical school, there has been enough time to go back to medical practice in some form, but I haven’t and don’t intend to, so quit yer askin’, dammit.  But of course, people keep on asking.  Their comments range from the curious — “Why don’t you practice?” — to the idealistic — “But medicine is such a wonderful profession!” — to the almost hostile — “Don’t you like helping people, you heartless ogre you?”

Since it’s fairly certain that I will continue to be posed this question for the rest of my natural existence, I figured that instead of launching into my 15-minute polemic on the State of Medicine each time, interrupting the flow of Hefeweizen on a fine Friday, I could just write it up and give them the URL.  So that’s what I did.

Now, unfettered by my prior obligations as an unbiased pre-med advisor, here are the myriad reasons why you should not enter the medical profession and the one (count ‘em — one) reason you should.  I have assiduously gone through these arguments and expunged any hint of evenhandedness, saving time for all of you who are hunting for balance.  And here are the reasons: continue reading here

One of the biggest pieces of advice that I dispense to the rising Harvard freshmen is to take language classes.  Harvard does a fantastic job of teaching them, they’re a super-useful lifelong skill, and they’re generally an easy ‘A’.  You just can’t go wrong.

The big question is, which languages should you take?  Here’s my take on which to take, with a rough rating for each.  I’ve taken French, Italian, Spanish, German, Swedish, Portuguese and Chinese lessons, so those are based on firsthand experience:

Chinese. Everyone’s talking about how China is going to take over the world.  Whether or not that is true is irrelevant to the fact that if you become any kind of entrepreneur or businessperson, you’re certain to deal with China.  Printing, manufacturing, outsourcing, construction, finance — it’s all there.

Chinese business runs on the principle of guanxi — loosely translated as ‘relationships.’  Basically, it means that in a 2hr business meeting, you will spend the first 1:50 talking about your families, and the last 10min negotiating the deal.  Knowing Chinese in this situation will hold you in good stead.

Also, there’s a hierarchy of how good a deal you can get from a Chinese merchant: the gringo rate for those who don’t speak Chinese; the rate for the foreigners who can hack a few sentences; and the rate for natives.  The better your Chinese, the better the deal you’ll get.

Knowing Chinese will also give you access to a millennia-old body of literature, poetry and philosophy, if you’re into that Eastern wisdom thing.  On the downside, the effort required to speak, read and write Chinese will be about 3x that of picking up an Indo-European language with a Roman alphabet, so you need to be pretty determined.  And because of the sheer volume of work required for a Chinese course, you want to make sure your courseload is pretty light for that semester.  Like a jumbo box of Corn Flakes, it’s easy to digest, but a lot to get through.

The big argument for learning it in college is that you’ll never have the luxury of time and the facilities to do it again, so you might as well do it now.  Also, if you speak Chinese fluently, it is very likely that you will never be unemployed.  There’s some company somewhere who will find your Chinese expertise indispensable and be happy to make you their envoy to the Middle Kingdom.

Ease of learning: 1 Employability enhancement: 10 Cool factor: 10 Overall: 21/30

Japanese. Back in the ’80s and ’90s, Japanese was the go-to language for the budding careerist, because then the Land of the Rising Sun was the one poised for world conquest.  Some decades and a few financial meltdowns later, the bloom may be off the cherry blossom, but Japanese is still hella cool.  With three writing systems, it’s a bit of a bear to get good at reading and writing, but the richness of the literature is well worth it. It can enhance your employability but not by much, so it’s more of a recherché scholarly thing to do for the coolness factor.

Ease of learning: 2 Employability enhancement: 7 Cool factor: 10 Overall: 19/30

French. Hate to say it, but French is pretty useless except for speaking, well, French.  If you speak French to Parisians, they will love you and treat you like a king, which is the diametric opposite of the treatment most Americans receive.  The literature is astonishingly rich, and it’s a treat to read Montaigne, Molière, Balzac, Rimbaud, Éluard and other greats in the original.  French pop is pretty awesome, too, and knowing French makes listening to Aznavour, Jacques Brel and MC Solaar that much more fun.  Although the employability boost is minimal at best, of all the languages you could learn, this one probably makes you look the most sophisticated.

Ease of learning: 6 Employability enhancement: 1 Cool factor: 10 Overall: 18/30

Italian. I freakin’ love Italian.  The pronunciation and grammar are super-straightforward, so you’ll learn it faster than almost any other language.  It’s super-useful for music (allegretto ma non troppo), food (how delightful it is to know that spaghetti alla puttanesca means spaghetti in the style of a whore?) and figuring out the gazillion Latinate words in English. Also, Italians are super-friendly, and if you speak Italian to them, they will freakin’ love you.

Also, Italian was almost solely responsible for making me appreciate opera.  Once you understand what ma in Ispagna son già mille tre is talking about, Don Giovanni becomes a lot more fun to watch.  By far the biggest bang-for-buck factor of any language I can think of.

Ease of learning: 10 Employability enhancement: 1 Cool factor: 9 Overall: 20/30

German. Tougher than Romance languages and not nearly as mellifluous to the ear, learning German is a labor of love for most people.  I happen to love German culture, delight in the way the language sounds, and find the prospect of understanding Schiller and Rilke in the original very appealing.  I also like that it informs me of the Germanic roots of English.  Can’t say it does anything for your employability, since all Germans speak English better than we do.

Ease of learning: 5 Employability enhancement: 2 Cool factor: 9 Overall: 16/30

Spanish. Easily the most useful language you can learn on the planet.  There are 400 million native speakers and 500 million total speakers of Spanish in the world, second only to Chinese.  By speaking Spanish, you can own Central and South America as well as Spain (aka the world’s biggest non-stop party).

If you have any intention of pursuing medicine, learning Spanish is de rigueur in the US.  You will have patients who simply don’t speak English, and asking them “Where does it hurt?” slower and louder ain’t gonna get you nowhere.  It’s also super-easy, especially if you already know another Romance language.  So learn freakin’ Spanish. I picked it up in med school, and it has been indispensable — especially since people in hispanohablante countries tend not to speak any English.  Order dinner in Costa Rica?  Check.  Direct the cab in Barcelona?  Check.  Bonus: you can listen to the Spanish-language soccer commentators on TV, which are approximately 5.8 quadrillion times better than their English-language counterparts.

Ease of learning: 10 Employability enhancement: 8 Cool factor: 6 Overall: 24/30

Russian. No personal experience with this one, but I’m guessing its employability enhancement factor is on the rise.  Billionaire oligarchs have business to do and money to burn, so there’s an opening there for the enterprising linguist.  There’s also a serious boy shortage in countries like Russia and Ukraine, so if you’re a dude, speaking a little Russki may give your love life a boost if that’s your dish.  Russian’s a great entrée into the world of Slavic languages (Czech, Polish and Ukrainian are not far off), it’s a new alphabet with a whole different grammar, and — Pushkin!  That’s all you need to know, really.

Ease of learning: 4 Employability enhancement: 8 Cool factor: 9 Overall: 21/30

Portuguese. A few years ago, Portuguese would not have even been on the list.  But now, with the rise of Brazil as an economic power and the fact that four (four!) of my close buddies have married Brazilian women, Portuguese is a contender indeed.

First of all, the language is cake, especially if you already know another Romance language.  Second, it’s super-useful — entrepreneurial opportunities abound in Brazil now in the same way they did in the US in the 1860s.  And Brazilians just don’t speak a whole lot of English.  Third, if the fit hits the shan here in the US, where ya gonna go?  Canada is too darn cold and Australia is running out of water, so you may want to consider Brazil.

Portuguese is also fun to speak.  All the hard consonants are softened, and the vowels undulate like the strains of a Carlos Jobim song — speaking it is like giving your mouth a mellow massage.  Also, Brazil is insanely fun.  Scientists have shown that a Brazilian’s DNA, instead of the usual A-T-G-C, is made of the nucleotides P-A-R-T-Y.  Add to that the friendliness (and pulchritude) of Brasileiras, especially towards American men (sorry ladies — but hey, I hear China has a serious boy surplus), and you’ve got yourself an excellent case for falar português.

Ease of learning: 9 Employability enhancement: 8 Cool factor: 9 Overall: 26/30

Arabic. There’s an old joke that says war is how Americans learn about geography.  If that’s the case, then events of the past 20 years have put the Arab world on the American mental map.  Kuwait and Iraq come to the fore through the 1991 Gulf War.  September 2001 was another reminder of things Arab.  And more recently, the Arab Spring uprisings highlighted Egypt, Syria, Yemen, Tunisia, and Libya.

Of course, for most people, the reason to learn Arabic isn’t the places in turmoil, although you’re sure to land a State Department job if you’re an American fluent in the language.  It’s the Gulf states, awash in oil wealth, that make learning Arabic a viable economic proposition.  From the reports of my ex-patriate friends in places like Dubai, Qatar and Saudi Arabia, there is serious demand for Westerners who are willing to work over yonder.  And if you can speak their language, you’re in business.

There’s one big issue with Arabic: schools teach modern standard Arabic.  This is the Arabic spoken in newscasts, and everyone understands it — but nobody speaks it.  The problem is that there are 22 Arab countries, and they all have their own dialects which are not necessarily mutually intelligible.  So they’ll understand you when you speak your perfect textbook Arabic, but you may not understand them when they respond.  There are whole chunks of vocabulary that you won’t find in any dictionary — e.g. shwei shwei is colloquial Lebanese for ghalilan in modern standard Arabic, which is what you tell people when they ask how much you understand: a little bit. You basically have to make your peace with learning one dialect (e.g. Egyptian) which won’t be fully usable 80% of the time.

Ease of learning: 5 Employability enhancement: 10 Cool factor: 6 Overall: 21/30

‘Roots’ languages. As Americans, the rest of the world has often accused us of having no roots.  And it’s sadly true that many immigrants come here from countries of rich cultural heritage — Korea, Iran, India, Vietnam, China — only to lose the native tongue within a generation.

Letting a colorful and rich native culture get homogenized into the bland consumerism that passes for American culture is a crime to you — and your children.  McDonald’s and Spider-Man ain’t culture, yo.  Knowing stories from the Mahabharata, Shahnameh, King Dongmyeong — now that’s something solid you can hold on to.  And essential: trees reach for the sky only if they have strong roots.  If you’re not fluent in the language of your ethnic roots, chances of your kids picking it up are nil, so now’s an excellent time to get on that case.

So don’t be ashamed of taking Persian if your name’s Amir, Hindi if your name’s Sunil, or Korean if your name’s Grace.  I guarantee it’s a decision you’ll never regret.

What other languages have you found useful to learn?  Chime in below in the comments.

An article in the New York Times discusses the results from a long-term study of stress in college freshmen. Conclusion: they’re all little stress-baskets. It’s been particularly bad for the women. Here’s how the article begins:

Record Level of Stress Found in College Freshmen

By TAMAR LEWIN

College Freshmen’s Emotional Health

In the survey, “The American Freshman: National Norms Fall 2010,” involving more than 200,000 incoming full-time students at four-year colleges, the percentage of students rating themselves as “below average” in emotional health rose. Meanwhile, the percentage of students who said their emotional health was above average fell to 52 percent. It was 64 percent in 1985.

Every year, women had a less positive view of their emotional health than men, and that gap has widened. Continue reading

My good friend brought this article to my attention, and all of you who are getting started on your college careers at fancypants universities need to read this.  I was always struck by how my classmates could ace exams but weren’t able to fight their way out of a wet paper bag once they were put in the real world.  Don’t be that person. Do not turn into one of the ‘really excellent sheep’.  Do not be another exponent of entitled mediocrity.  Read it here.  Here’s an excerpt to get you started:

The Disadvantages of an Elite Education

Our best universities have forgotten that the reason they exist is to make minds, not careers

“It didn’t dawn on me that there might be a few holes in my education until I was about 35. I’d just bought a house, the pipes needed fixing, and the plumber was standing in my kitchen. There he was, a short, beefy guy with a goatee and a Red Sox cap and a thick Boston accent, and I suddenly learned that I didn’t have the slightest idea what to say to someone like him. So alien was his experience to me, so unguessable his values, so mysterious his very language, that I couldn’t succeed in engaging him in a few minutes of small talk before he got down to work. Fourteen years of higher education and a handful of Ivy League degrees, and there I was, stiff and stupid, struck dumb by my own dumbness. “Ivy retardation,” a friend of mine calls this. I could carry on conversations with people from other countries, in other languages, but I couldn’t talk to the man who was standing in my own house. It’s not surprising that it took me so long to discover the extent of my miseducation, because the last thing an elite education will teach you is its own inadequacy. As two dozen years at Yale and Columbia have shown me, elite colleges relentlessly…” Continue reading here

This article in the New York Times summarizes some well-known but seldom-practiced techniques for effective learning.  For example: Vary the places you study.  Vary the type of material studied in a single sitting.  Have shorter, more regular study sessions instead of monster cramfests.  Here’s the beginning of the article:

Forget What You Know About Good Study Habits

By BENEDICT CAREY, Published: September 6, 2010 in NYTimes.com

Every September, millions of parents try a kind of psychological witchcraft, to transform their summer-glazed campers into fall students, their video-bugs into bookworms. Advice is cheap and all too familiar: Clear a quiet work space. Stick to a homework schedule. Set goals. Set boundaries. Do not bribe (except in emergencies).

And check out the classroom. Does Junior’s learning style match the new teacher’s approach? Or the school’s philosophy? Maybe the child isn’t “a good fit” for the school.

Such theories have developed in part because of sketchy education research that doesn’t offer clear guidance. Student traits and teaching styles surely interact; so do personalities and at-home rules. The trouble is, no one can predict how.

Yet there are effective approaches to learning, at least for those who are motivated. In recent years, cognitive scientists have shown that a few simple techniques can reliably improve what matters most: how much a student learns from studying.

The findings can help anyone, from a fourth grader doing long division to a retiree taking on a new language. But they directly contradict much of the common wisdom about good study habits, and they have not caught on.

For instance, instead of sticking to one study location, simply alternating the room where a person studies improves retention. So does studying distinct but related skills or concepts in one sitting, rather than focusing intensely on a single thing.

“We have known these principles for some time, and it’s intriguing that schools don’t pick them up, or that people don’t learn them by trial and error,” said Robert A. Bjork, a psychologist at the University of California, Los Angeles. “Instead, we walk around with all sorts of unexamined beliefs about what works that are mistaken.”

Take the notion that children have specific learning styles, that some are “visual learners” and others are auditory; some are “left-brain” students, others “right-brain.” In a recent review of the relevant research, published in the journal Psychological Science in the Public Interest, a team of psychologists found almost zero support for such ideas. “The contrast between the enormous popularity of the learning-styles approach within education and the lack of credible evidence for its utility is, in our opinion, striking and disturbing,” the researchers concluded.

Ditto for teaching styles, researchers say. Some excellent instructors caper in front of the blackboard like summer-theater Falstaffs; others are reserved to the point of shyness. “We have yet to identify the common threads between teachers who create a constructive learning atmosphere,” said Daniel T. Willingham, a psychologist at the University of Virginia and author of the book “Why Don’t Students Like School?”

But individual learning is another matter, and psychologists have discovered that some of the most hallowed advice on study habits is flat wrong. For instance, many study skills courses insist that students find a specific place, a study room or a quiet corner of the library, to take their work. The research finds just the opposite. In one classic 1978 experiment, psychologists found that college students who studied a list of 40 vocabulary words in two different rooms — one windowless and cluttered, the other modern, with a view on a courtyard — did far better on a test than students who studied the words twice, in the same room. Later studies have confirmed the finding, for a variety of topics.

The brain makes subtle associations between what it is studying and the background sensations it has at the time, the authors say, regardless of whether those perceptions are conscious. It colors the terms of the Versailles Treaty with the wasted fluorescent glow of the dorm study room, say; or the elements of the Marshall Plan with the jade-curtain shade of the willow tree in the backyard. Forcing the brain to make multiple associations with the same material may, in effect, give that information more neural scaffolding.

“What we think is happening here is that, when the outside context is varied, the information is enriched, and this slows down forgetting,” said Dr. Bjork, the senior author of the two-room experiment.

Varying the type of material studied in a single sitting — alternating, for example, among vocabulary, reading and speaking in a new language — seems to leave a deeper impression on the brain than does concentrating on just one skill at a time. Musicians have known this for years, and their practice sessions often include a mix of scales, musical pieces and rhythmic work. Many athletes, too, routinely mix their workouts with strength, speed and skill drills.  Continue reading here

This may very well be the coolest thing Harvard has ever put on.  The course itself is open only to current undergrads — hey, wait, that’s you!  You can also attend the public lectures in Science Center B on Monday nights, for which you need to acquire free tickets, because it will be mobbed by every foodie within a 100 mile radius.

Now I know you may have never heard of Ferran Adrìa or Harold McGee, but you have to understand that these guys are the giants of the culinary world — bigger than Bono!  I kid thee not.  And besides, I can’t go, so you must.  Simple:

Science and Cooking Public Lectures at Harvard

I’d like to do a brief clarification of our most controversial and most proven piece of HUGS advice — namely, to end your hometown relationship before going to college (or “before you go, let go of your sig-o”).

We are not saying that your boyfriend or girlfriend is not the bomb.  We’re not saying there’s no such thing as true love.  We are saying that 100% of people who have a BF or GF from home eventually end up breaking up with that person while at Harvard.  In our 6 years of doing HUGS, there have been no exceptions to this.

What I like about Taoist philosophy is that it’s more descriptive than prescriptive.  It doesn’t have some kind of rigid ideology saying, “This is the way the world should be.”  Instead, it has a curious, observant approach to the world: “Ah, this seems to be the way the world works.”  Water flows downhill.  It’s easier to swim with the current than against it, to cut wood with the grain than against it.  What goes up comes down.  All things, good or bad, come to an end.

And so it is with high school relationships.  There are two possibilities: staying with your sweetheart, or breaking up.  If you stay, chances are that the pressures of distance, deprivation, local distraction in the form of hot new classmates and just plain horniness will precipitate a break.  Then you’ll have a potentially messy breakup, with accusations and recriminations flying across mobile phone lines, possible cheating, one or two hurt parties, many tears, and an emotional scar that will affect your next relationship.

Or you could take the mature approach of breaking up in broad daylight, in full possession of your senses, knowing that you still love one another but are setting each other free.  We’ve observed it’s going to happen anyway; why not make it nice and clean instead of mean and messy.  Maybe you’ll get back together next summer or get married in 10 years.  Maybe you’ll be really good friends for the rest of your lives.  We can’t know any of that for sure.

What we do know is that it’s a much more elegant solution than a doomed long-distance relationship that would deprive both of you of opportunities to meet others and grow.  It’s also the best chance of preserving the very real love you have between you.

I strongly believe that a long-distance relationship is no relationship at all (consult my Tao of Dating blog for more on that), so do yourselves a favor and set both of you free.  Before you go, let go of your sig-o.

Generally, I prefer to talk about what to do, as opposed to what not to do.  That said, I feel a rant coming on, so here we go.

Before we start, I want you to go ahead and look up what a douchebag really is.  Got it?  Great.  That should convey the full import of how bad these following behaviors are, since engaging in them puts you in imminent danger of becoming an insta-douche:

1. Be a mindlessly competitive automaton.

You worked pretty hard to get into Harvard (or wherever else you are).  We get it.  And now you’ve got your sights set on that grad school or hot job.  Good on you.  Now chill out already.  There’s no shortage of jobs or grad school spots for Harvard people — really.  If you do even reasonably well, the world will be seeking you out.

In fact, there’s not a shortage of anything.  You live in a world of abundance. So be the one who helps out with problem sets, shares notes and resources, tells people about the class with the cool prof and the easy A.  The competitiveness tends to manifest especially in extracurriculars and the social sphere where you have to comp everything, which explicitly means ‘beating other people out’.  But, unlike poker, college is not a zero-sum game.  If you do your best, you win.  And no one has to lose.  As Gandhi said, “Full effort is full victory.”

If you didn’t get picked for the Seneca, the Lampoon, Let’s Go or the Dins, big deal.  It may even be the best thing that happened to you.  And if you’re going to compete against anyone, let it be your former self.  If you’re in a better spot than you were as a 14yr old, hallelujah.  And if you’re growing, learning and loving, you win, and no one can take that away from you.

2. Pull rank or engage in gratuitous one-upmanship.

There are two reasons why pulling rank and one-upmanship are a formula for insta-douche status at Harvard.  First, nothing broadcasts your sense of woeful inadequacy than bragging about yourself (or your family, or school, or whatever).  Kareem Abdul-Jabbar never had to tell anyone he was tall — he just was.  And the only people who care about your family’s wealth and status will be other insecure folks like yourself.  The truly cool folks have already walked away.

Second, there’s bound to be someone in the room who has you beat by a large margin in that very selfsame area in which you think you’re hot shit.  It’s like saying, “Well, I’m 6’7″, and in walks Shaquille O’Neal, ready to smack down your puny dwarfness.  Whether it’s money, influence or fame, someone sitting right next to you is likely to have you bested.  Scions of royalty, European banking houses, billionaires, celebrities, rock stars, actors, Nobel Prize winners — they’re all there (I know ’cause I met ‘em).  So much safer not to bring up any of that stuff at all.

3. Play dumb.

Harvard people playing dumb is like beauty pageant winners saying they’re ugly.  It’s implausible, unattractive and just plain weird.  This country has plenty enough anti-intellectualism going around — it does not need your help.  You’re supposed to grow up to become the beacon of light that enlightens the world around you, so why not start now?  No one benefits from your hiding your light under a bushel.  Your classmates are interested in your talents because it inspires them to greatness, so don’t you dare deprive them of that light.  Shine, baby, shine.

4. Tell everyone how smart you are.

I just told you not to play dumb.  And now, perversely, I’m enjoining you from doing the opposite, too.  Well, that’s because Eastern wisdom, especially Taoist thought, is all about the Middle Path: to avoid the extremes and have balance.

Pretty much everyone at Harvard is smart, and you all start with a clean slate the first day of freshman year.  What you did before that day no longer matters. But if you must bring up the fact that you aced 10 AP exams… well, bravo.  And oh, by the way, there’s a girl standing there who aced twenty-three (it’s true — I know her).  And another one who won Westinghouse.  And a dude who’s already got an elementary particle named after him.  And the guy who got a gold medal at the International Math Olympiad — twice.  And the guy who’s already published his novel to wide acclaim. Welcome to Harvard, buddy.  Now don’t worry about it, because in the real world, what you did in high school doesn’t matter.  So put your head down and get to work.

5. Be a drunken wastoid.

Drunk people tend to be annoying to less drunk people.  Ergo, if you are more drunk than most people most of the time, you will be annoying to most people most of the time. The world has given you the gift of the most amazing machine in the universe — namely, your brain.  Surely you can come up with a better pastime than pickling it in Smirnoff.

6. Write like an illiterate person or a household pet.

Perhaps this is more of a personal peeve than a universally applicable principle of wisdom.  But it’s my blog, it’s my rant, and I’m gonna say it anyway.  The occasional ironic “Word up, dawg” — fine.  But when you write on your Facebook wall “Gettin’ mah drank on wit da HOMIEZ”, unless you are an actual, shotgun-toting member of the Bloods or Crips, you look kinda silly (and an actual Crip may decide to beat you up, fo’ shitz and gigglez).

If you’re gonna write something to look cool, why not imitate Oscar Wilde, John Keats or Christopher Hitchens instead of Snoop or LOLcats?  Y’know, like actual wit and stuff.  For godssakes use that oversize brain to save the world instead of running a very expensive I’m-a-dumbass simulation.

Here ends this rant.  More later.

In this here HUGS (aka Enter to Grow in Wisdom) Video #6, we introduce you to the concept of the Magic Number and the real way to pick truly awesome courses.  It ain’t by reading the descriptions in the course catalog, people, so sit up and pay attention.  Check out the unauthorized interjection Michael put in at around 1:21 (go Cabot, grrr), and if what we talk about at around 2:25 doesn’t crack you up, you get your money back: