The girls are changing and getting bigger, plus I am working again (which involves managing several websites, so I wanted one that is just me holding myself accountable in my love for running!) You are welcome to join me over on asocalledrunner.com if you want to follow my journey to achieving a few goals I have, clean eating and the life around that!

Thanks you so much for following me for so long, come say hi at asocalledrunner.com!

In no way can I compare my experience with the parents experiences, my daughter died the day she was born and it was something I can see as peaceful but still heartbreaking. I don't have to wonder too much what happened the minutes before or ask for answers of why someone would ever do this, but I do realize how it feels to come to a house full of signs and reminders of a life that will never be the same again. 

What we can all realize together is that life is something we have very little control over and somethings we worry about so much on a daily basis aren't worth the pain and agony we let ourselves think they are. Our focus needs to be on making each other know we are loved, we need to allow others to feel okay with getting the help they need when we see that something is wrong. We need take off all the stigmas we have created for those with mental illness. 

I have committed my years of college learning to be someone who can help those with mental illness, I live around people with it and at times I live with it. It is not something we should hide or be afraid of people finding out about, it should be like any major aliment and we should seek help as soon as we or our loved ones can see of feel something is different in us.  We need to remove the veil of secrecy we have for it and realize it is killing people every single day in so many different ways. Mental illness is not a made up diseases, it is not something that we can pray away or just tell ourselves to stop feeling. It is real and has real consequences if we ignore it.

I cant get this feeling I have out of the pit of my stomach of true heartbreak and all I want to do is try to analyze the why and what but I can't. I can weep, and hope that real change will occur in so many areas but I also hate it took something so horrible for this change to happen.

So as I clean up my house today, picking up the little reminders of the family I have at home, I will stop and remember that the perfect Christmas presents, the clean bedrooms and insecurities that come from keeping up with the Jones are not important. I want everyday to enjoy the life around me, for what I have and let my family know that every minute I cant, I live for them because all to often those minutes are not as long as we ever plan.

Writing this helped a bit with the pit that I cant seem to shake but I know that my focus over the next week will not be anything worth writing on here and just seem fake, so I wont be taking just Monday off for silence, I will be taking a rest from the blog for a while, to really decide what is worth it anymore.

I hope everyone has a Happy Holiday and New Year, my thoughts are with you all as the season and I hope that our 2013 will be more change, less hate.

• 8 tablespoons unsalted butter
• 1 cup of white sugar
• 4 eggs
• 1 Box (8 ozs) semisweet chocolate, chopped and melted
• 1/2 tbsp vanilla extract
• 3 cups of flour (I used whole wheat pastry flour)
• 1/2 teaspoon sea salt (trust me this is worth it!)
• 3/4 teaspoon baking powder
• Powder Sugar

In a mix beat together the sugar and eggs until whipped, add eggs slowly than add melted chocolate. (I just chopped the chocolate and microwaved it slowly, stirring every 30 seconds until done).

In a bowl mix together the flour, sea salt and baking powder. Whisk the ingredients for a few seconds before adding into the mixer. Add slowly into the wet ingredients until incorporated.

The dough is super sticky right now so put in fridge for a couple of hours.

Preheat over to 325 degrees

In a bowl place about 1/2 cup of sifted powdered sugar. Roll about a tbsp of dough into a ball than drop in sugar coating the whole thing ball in white. Place on a lined cookie sheet. Bake for 8-9 minutes.

Let the cool a bit and eat as soon as you can, or ship them to some awesome people thanks to CookieSwap! If you want to join in next here, here is all the info! It doesn't get much better than cookies in the mail!

I cant wait to get things back to normal and even thought its the holidays, my mother is having surgery this week and I have a few finals to take, I want to get back to a happy routine we had going so as long as everything above goes smoothly and no one gets sick (fingers crossed!) I am going to make sure to make this happen!!

Monday                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            -Dinner: Brown Butter and Sage Butternut Squash Tortellini and Brussels Sprouts                                                                                                                                                           -Workout: 3 Mile Run 

Tuesday                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            -Dinner: Sloppy Joes, Baked Fries and Fruit Salad                                                                                                                                                                                 -Workout: 2 Mile Run and Gym or Jillian

Wednesday                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          -Dinner: Turkey/Cheese Sandwiches, Corn and Fruit Salad                                                                                                                                                                                  -Workout: PIYO and 2 Mile Run 

Thursday                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         -Dinner: Chicken Tikka Masala, Rice and Naan                                                                                                                                                                                    -Workout: 3 Mile Run and Jillian

Friday                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              -Dinner: Lime Coconut Chicken Soup with Avocados and Rice                                                                                                                                                                               -Workout: 3 Mile Run and Bodypump

Saturday                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          -Dinner:Out                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    -Workout: 4 Mile Run 

Sunday                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          -Dinner: Roasted Chicken, Mashed Sweet Potatoes and Cranberries                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    -Workout: Rest

What is on your menu this week? Have you had to deal with an unhealthy family this season?

(Tomorrow I will write a post for Hope Endures Round Up)

I love decorating my home and changing thing around all the time, so Christmas is the perfect time of year to start experimenting! This year I wanted to change things up and throw my whole family for a curve ball! I decided we would move the Christmas down to our Family room and the living room would be a little more understated! 

I have future plans for this fireplace to make it a little more in tune with my style but for the moment I can work with it and love how the mantel turned out this year!

The best part is the real garland, I just love the way it hangs and how it really just fills the area without much work on my part! The reindeer heads are my FAVORITE estate sale find this year! I just truly adore them, they are perfect for my Wyoming themed Christmas! (I went to WY this year and cant get it out of my head so I did the living room with thoughts of WY!)

These berries also seem perfect for the mantel to add color and they just really pop with my little silver vase!

I have another mantel in our family room with the stockings but I forgot to take pics of it! I went with a red, green, white candy theme downstairs!

I had a great workout week last week and hope to carry that one again this week. I didn't get oodles of points for HBBC but I did a great job for me and I cant wait to keep carrying that on.

I hope you all are doing great and able to get your run in for the Hope Endure 5k! I plan on doing my a couple of times this week. 

Thursday was not the best day, my sunglasses got run over and I have no idea how! Avery went to a friends house when I was putting on Eisley's shoes so I couldn't find her and freaked out, she is now grounded to staying in only our front yard and cant even go out for a few minutes alone because she didn't listen or obey. She is not a happy camper at all. Lastly we got a note from our homeowners saying we left our trashcans out when we didn't at all and it really ticks me off!  The main reason I get so worked up is because it says it tears down the value of our neighborhood, which is fine if they hadn't allowed the people right across the street from me to paint the house ORANGE!! Yes we live in a newer neighborhood with all the wonderful homeowner rules but they wanted to sell the stinking house so Arizona Clay was allowed. I honestly don't care too much other than the value of my house is less to some and they are worked about a nice green trashcan,  ugh!

One bright note to this major Debbie Downer post is that its Foodie Penpal Day! I had a fun time this month and got some crazy goodies I have never seen or heard of so that is always fun! Umm the fruit chews were awfully tasty! Thanks Rachel for the fun foodie package!!

My kids loved the jam cookies and I am always a sucker for Apple Butter! They totally opened them even before I could get a pic in! 

Pinterest is one of the greatest things when it comes to making tradition! This was one of my new favorites and the girls loved it, we had an elf breakfast!

The day after Thanksgiving our Elf, Sheba, made us all breakfast and they LOVED it! It was so much fun to see their faces and Avery still cant stop talking about it!

Sheba really outdid herself! She setup the table to look very Christmas-sy! She made Reindeer donuts, reindeer food and strawberry bites! She brought the kids a note to be good for the year, jammies to keep warm and little elves to decorate and play with!

I love pinterest and all the crafty people on it who make my life a bit easier! Sorry the pics are little off due to my iPhone losing its camera juice!

This week I am committing myself to be accountable for my eating and workout schedule! I spent much of my Monday planning out things for this week and all the way to my marathon! I am not officially training for the marathon but I am training for a small half that is done by the school district my daughter goes too.

I am also very excited to run my virtual run for my baby girl who would have been four on Sunday, on Sunday!

Breakfast= Oatmeal with almond butter, vanilla protein powder, chia seeds and strawberries. I also made sure to take my vitamins to help keep me from getting sick again!

Snack=  My Favorite Popcorn

Lunch=  Chicken Breast Slices, Avocado Slices with Pink Himalyan Salt and Pepper, Kiwi, Strawberries and Raspberries.

Dinner= Trying to combat the sickness I cant seem to get out of me, I decided it was time to dose up on my dad's Chicken Noodle Soup! I honestly think this healing because it always works! (Sorry my camera phone pics are awful these days, I think it might be time to upgrade :)!)

I didnt get to eat any of these babies but I started dehydrating them tonight and I cant wait to eat them up! I love love love kale chips!

I take as much precaution I can to make myself feel safe when running and their is one thing that I cant control, but I sure hope more and more people would think about it. Texting. When I run on this road about, a 5 lane 45 mile hour road, I cant help but think of the people who are driving distracted. We see it everyday on the news about drivers in accidents due to being distracted and a huge factor being texting. 

I know that its easy to want to text, or read while you are just sitting in your car but you are putting your life and many others at risk, including that person running on the side or the road, or walking with their children. Its never worth it because the one time something does happen, the regret will be far worse than that text message.

Sorry for the PSA but lately I cant help but think about it as I run through this area and how hard it is for some to just let go for a little bit, I get it and I totally understand but even I realize that a car is a seriously dangerous piece of equipment that kills every minute.

I thought about just ignoring the dang cough but I decided to let my body rest or it would linger for weeks. I am still coughing a lot but its breaking up, so I feel like I can get back in gear today! I love a new days renewing feeling and I have high hopes for this week! We have family pictures today and I have a few meetings this week but otherwise I am hoping to just enjoy the week and have some me time. I am setting up a plan for running, workout and goals and hoping to sit to them!  I am starting training soon for a half I am doing in my city next year and from that point will work on training for my marathon. I know if I train properly that I can do a full because my body can handle it if I listen to it. I might not be the faster runner, I might not be the leanest runner but I am motivated to cross a full off my bucket list and 

I so often tell myself I will start a new thing on Monday or next week instead of realizing that each new morning brings a new light to a new day! I can get a renewed sense of feeling each day if I allow myself. Maybe today I wont get everything I need to get done but I always have tomorrow and somethings can always wait. 

Other than our family pictures and one errand, I plan on devoting this day to getting our menu planned out, my fitness calendar worked out and babysitters planned out if needed and allowing myself to feel renewed because I need it! Good by silly sickness, this house is over you! 

In other news, Brian did his first half marathon this weekend and it was a lot of fun to watch! Avery and I made race signs and we went to 4 different places on the course to cheer him along! It was a lot of fun and a lot of work with the girls and the dog but it was worth it! He did under 2 hours with basically one a month of training so I was very impressed! 

Lastly I started HBBC on Monday and while Monday didn't go as planned (I spent the day cleaning the carpets so was exhausted by the end of the day) Tuesday wasn't so shabby! I am hoping to make today even better and keep the ball rolling as I move through the challenge!

Dont forget to sign up for Hope Endures 5k! You can sign up at any time and all you have to do is run a 5k from Dec 1- Dec 8!

Last year on ASoCalledRunner.com (which is now directed to this site!)  I started a virtual run to get awareness out about stillbirths and to help get me through a tough time of year for me. In 2008 we lost our daughter to stillbirth, I decided it was time to change my life. The journey has brought me to a love for running, an adventure in health and fitness and a clean eating food lover.  The running community has been one that is awesome and keeps me going even when I get down and out with wanting to run, so I know the best support I can get this time of year will come from family, friends (virtual and real!)

On December 2, 2008 Ashlyn passed away and December 6th we had a memorial for her. For everyone else that was the end, but for our family, we live with it every single day and we grow. So in honor of Ashlyn,  I want to celebrate her with a virtual 5k again! It is not about winning or prizes, it is for anyone who has to endure life after something they think they cant.  Its about just enduring life each day when we are down. Its a celebration of change and a celebration of never-ending love.

Fill out the form here to sign up! You can load the race bib here, and after the race I will post a link up for race recaps. I encourage you to write about what you endure each day and hope running or walking has helped!

If you live locally, I will be running at Gusto Coffee in Lee's Summit with my Saturday morning running group and you are more than welcome to join us! We run at 7am and I will be doing it in honor or her the first two Saturdays of December! Email me at courtneyfoster82@gmail.com if you have questions!

A few weeks ago I planned a last minute night out with just my hubby! I wanted to just spend time talking to him and enjoy coming up on our 7 year anniversary.  Our anniversary is always a few days before thanksgiving so sometimes trying to get out and do something is overtaken by my favorite holiday of the month!

We decided that the place to eat dinner at would be one that has been on my list for a little while now. The Farmhouse is a cute little place down in the River Market area that reminds me a lot of a restaurant we went to in Seattle.   As I read the website description for The Farmhouse, I realized that it was my cup of tea, its strives to create comfort food that is local and sustainable! 

For an appetizer I got the Smoked Pumpkin Risotto and it was so dang tasty! Brian and I could not stop raving about how tasty this meal was and how great it was. The risotto was cooked perfectly and the flavors were just so good together, I love sage and think its pairs perfectly with the pumpkin! I would go back to just eat this any day! 

For my dinner I got the Soft Carrot Polenta upon first bite, I was not a huge fan of it. I didn't think it was seasoned well and the kale just wasn't a good combination with the dish. I made sure to really mix the dish up and get all the ingredients to interact with each other after the first few bites and at that point it really tasted good. It needed a lot of mixing to incorporate the flavors and get that perfect bite instead of being instantly awesome like the risotto. I probably wouldn't order this dish again but it really good after some work!

Brian order the special which was called Trotters something and was pigs feet with some sort of a puree on it, I honestly don't remember much about it because I only had a bite but B loved it and thought it was very tasty.

As I was going through Pinterest Sunday morning I came across something I knew my husband would adore! He has been begging for buffalo wings since football season has started but I went vegan last month and kept putting off his request.

When I saw this recipe for buffalo balls, I thought I needed to make these! I did change them up a bit but boy where these a hit in the house! I would change them up again in the future but they were tasty just the way they are! 

buffalo turkey meatballs (inspired by this recipe!)

• 1 pound of turkey meat
  
• 2 eggs
• 1 clove of garlic, minced
• 1/2 tablespoon of parsley
• 1 celery stick, diced into small pieces
• Pepper to taste
• 3 ounces of cream cheese, softened
• 1/2 bottle of Buffalo Wing Sauce (any brand you like!)

Preheat over to 350 degrees.

In a mixing bowl combine turkey, eggs, garlic, parsley, celery stick, pepper and cream cheese. Mix well and than make into balls.  Place the balls on a cookie sheet that is lined or greased or into individual mini muffin tin that is greased. (I like the mini tins because it helps to keep them more stable while baking).

Place in the oven and cook for 10 minutes (15 if you have bigger meatballs). Keep the oven on but take the meatballs out to roll them around in the hot sauce. Place back in the oven for 12 minutes (or a little bit longer if your meatballs are large).

Serve with celery, blue cheese and ranch if you like!

Notes: I omitted the blue cheese from the recipe that I found because I do not enjoy the flavor and instead added an extra ounce of cream cheese. So if you like blue cheese add 2 ounces of cream cheese and some blue cheese crumbles. I think that next time I will add hot sauce to the inside of the meatballs, they were pretty tasty but I was craving more hot sauce!

I have filled up my 2013 calendar with races and a few marathons so I am motivated to finish them and get myself fully ready and prepared to run them!

I wavered back and forth on joining the Holiday Bootie Buster Challenge again because I am not at the same place I was last year and than I realized that is the point and why not give myself a little extra kick to get out and get moving! Its a fun thing to do and its extremely motivational!

I also have one more motivation to get me moving! In February I am heading out on a girls weekend with my favorite friends since middle school! I cant wait for this trip and honestly I should have a countdown to this and to my marathon because I am equally excited about both! 

With all of this building up I have  a goal of reaching my goal weight by February 1st and have my base to 30 miles a week at that point. As soon as I get back from my girls weekend I will be starting my marathon training and I cant wait!  

Dinner this week is going to be easy but full of fun new treats! I am on a cooking kick at the moment so lets hope that is stays a bit! I really think I get an extra dose of energy before it gets really crazy out! 

Monday

• Dinner:  Stuffed Pork Chops, Brussels Sprouts and Mashed Cauliflower 
  
• Workout: 4 Mile Run

Tuesday

• Dinner: Pizza Quesadillas and Salad
• Workout: Pilates

Wednesday

• Dinner: Spaghetti, Roasted Broccoli and Salad
• Workout: 5 Mile Run

Thursday 

• Dinner: Butternut Squash Soup and Crusty Bread
• Workout: Pilates

Friday

• Dinner: Leftovers
• Workout: 3 Mile Run

Saturday

• Dinner: Out
• Workout: Pilates

Sunday

• Dinner:  BBQ Chicken, Sweet Potato Fries and Salad
• Workout:  5 miles Run

Total Miles: 17 miles

What is on your menu this week? Need help planning check out Orgjunkie.com and MommyRunFast.com/JillConyers.com

Over the next three months I am going to work up building my base back up with just running on a regular basis and that includes actually getting a babysitter to come over to watch the girls so I can run when the sunlight is out! I would do it in the morning but I watch a friend of Avery's so have to be here for them to get on the bus! I love doing that so this is what will work best! Once my base is built, I plan on starting training.

So on to my races! I am signing up for the ones I can do now and sticking with them as long as I am in good working condition. I might add a few but honestly I don't want to load my race schedule when I am already helping the track club at races throughout the year! I need some weekends with my family.

• January 2013- Battle of the Bean 5k, I did this race last year and ran my fastest 5k! Its a fun little run where you pick if you like coffee or hot chocolate better, this year I went with Team Coffee
• March 2013 Diva Dash 5k This was my first 5k ever so I love doing each year and getting all cute since its a girls only race!
• April 2013 Warrior Dash  or Trolley Run I registered for Warrior but might see if I can pass it on to B and do the trolley run, its a PR run and kind of fun to run with 10k people!
• May 2013 Spirit Half Marathon- I want to see how I am doing in my training on this run and also its up at Livestrong Stadium.
• June 2013 Grandmas Marathon This is my FIRST marathon and some of my KC friends are headed up to do it so I am joining in! Yippee, I am excited and scared and nervous and excited!
• October 2013 KC Marathon I signed up for the fall because I had a discount that made the it a lot cheaper than the half so if I am hate doing Marathon, I will just switch it over to the half! 

Are you already planning for 2013?

This Saturday November the 10th is the  3rd annual Neighborhood Toy Store Day! Lots of stores across the US are hosting events to get your out and shopping local and honestly if you have a toy store around you, please check it out! Once you go local you will never want to go back ! If you need to find  a local place around you, you can discover the WOOHOO Factor over at yourneighborhoodtoystore.org!   The website and event are held by the non profit organization that helps local toy companies get the word out! Just as much as I can get lost in a toy store, this website is just as amazing! Oodles of information, awesome toy ratings and honestly just an amazing resources for moms like me who want to get quality safe toys for kids!

Tomorrow I highly recommend getting out and doing some local Christmas shopping and helping a small business in your community! Doing this puts money back into your community and can give your community 25% more than what a big box retailer can do! 

Check out yourneighborhoodtoystore.org for more information on toys that can fits yours families needs and desires! You can find awesome wooden train kits that are extremely durable and beautifully crafted, some cool science kits for your kids to test out at home and fun little goodies to stock your stockings with! Some many of these toys encourage creativity and open-ended play, how can you not love that!! 

(This is a post I was asked to write to encourage my readers to shop at local toys stores and get the word out about ASTRA's awesome site yourneighborhoodtoystore.org! I rarely ever do any reviews but since I really care so much for local shopping and have family ties to these amazing stores, I had to write about it!! I was given toys to test out for doing this review.)

I have no food to share at the moment because we have been eating  a lot of the same foods that I have blogged in the past!  

I am kind of not wanting to over share about the girls, A is in school now and I dont want to embarrass her!

Yesterday was a crazy day and sadly I am depressed in the way some are reacting to it! I want to tell everyone so many things because I am super passionate but I don't unless I know they are people who I can rationally talk with!

I have been slowly working my way back into running and I like but I don't want to jinx it! I did decide my knee is still a bit off and running 13.1 next week isn't in the books for me but it is for my hubby and I am super excited for him to do his first half marathon! He is kind of my rock star!

I am seeing a new doctor next week (a naturopath)  and I a bit a excited, she gets rave reviews and wants to help me get my mojo back! I am excited because she said it will be a long appointment to talk about all things.

I think I am going to start Christmas decorating the weekend before Thanksgiving, because I can and I want too! I am actually just going to do the girls room Christmas trees but hey I love it! Avery wants to learn what Hanukkah is this year so I need to study up a bit on it, I really don't know!

So today you just get words, tomorrow we shall see!