It’s sad to note Field and Stream Huntress is no longer an active blog, but while they were, the editor was kind enough to post a joke or two and a number of stories I sent them. I enjoyed reading the comments people added to some of the posts – especially one on self-sufficiency.

I think we’ve become too darned dependent and are losing the ability to be self-sufficient.

We rely on automobiles to get around, even if we’re only going around the corner, which then prompts us to pay money and join a gym so we can exercise with machines. We rely on technology to send emails to someone sitting right next to us at work rather than build those interpersonal communication muscles. If something breaks, we’re more likely to throw it away versus figure out a way to fix it. In an emergency, we wait around for someone to rescue us instead of rolling up our sleeves to help ourselves. Helicopter parents instill a “learned helplessness” in their children. This escalates to an absurd level when mom or dad calls “little Johnny’s” supervisor to protest the performance rating their child received. (I’m not making this up.)

When’s the last time you did something for the very first time?

When my friend Paul Hauler in Rochester NY asked me the question above I answered, “Last month when I learned how to hunt elk.” But it occurred to me that I’d also settled into a pretty safe lifestyle. I hadn’t been stretching myself, learning new things or risking very often. On the contrary, I’d been working hard to LIMIT risk after having been through a few personally grueling years.

The problem with protection is we contract. Rather than reach out to explore and expand, we close up and limit opportunities. We don’t learn new skills and develop self-sufficiency muscles that make us more resilient, resourceful and better able to bounce back from life’s challenges and change.

Maybe elk hunting wouldn’t be your first choice, but perhaps you might try one of the following:

• scuba diving
• taking a new route to work
• trying a different restaurant
• fixing something rather than throwing it out
• persevering through till the end of that challenging book
• learning a new skill, such as woodworking
• change a flat tire

Once in a while, do something that is really, really hard.

Put yourself in a position where you feel dumb. Where you’re not sure of the answer, so you have to muddle through to figure it out. Whether you get it right the first time or it takes you a number of tries, you will gain a greater sense of self-confidence knowing you’ve tackled something difficult and didn’t give up.

And here’s the most important benefit of all…

You’ll model for others it’s okay to struggle, it’s okay to fail once in a while and it’s good to put your ego at risk to become more self-sufficient in the long run!

Want to start with something fairly safe? Inserted below is an exercise I use in my training seminars. It’s called The Painter’s Cup and it’s fun to do with a work team, your scouting pack, board members, book club or ladies group at church. Through this exercise, people will learn what it feels like to be doing something for the very first time. Enjoy!

Laura

PAINTER’S CUP EXERCISE

You can either facilitate this process by yourself for the entire group OR you can break them up into mini-teams and have each group select their own team leader. Then, take these team leaders to a private location and teach them how to make the Painter’s Cup. They will then return to their team and guide them through the exercise below. Warn them to expect people to get frustrated. Some will refuse to complete the exercise, some might walk out the door and some might crumple up the paper and throw it at them!

Team Leader: Quickly read these instructions to your team. Do not allow them to ask questions. As people become more frustrated, read the directions again, more slowly this time. Answer questions as they arise. The third time, read the instructions and SHOW them how to make the painters cup, step by step.

“Roll the piece of paper lengthwise into thirds and crease.

Then, roll the piece of paper crosswise into thirds and crease again.

Take the two folds which outline one corner and bring those folds together in a straight line. Crease the edge you have created.

Then, do the same for each corner.

Take two of the corner seams you just created, fold them back and across each other, and fold the excess down at the top.

Do the same to complete the other side of the box.

I’m finished with my instructions. Please make your painter’s cup.”

_________________________________________________________________________

TEAM LEADER: AFTER EVERYONE HAS FINISHED MAKING THEIR PAINTER’S CUP, DISCUSS THESE QUESTIONS AND LEVERAGE THE TEACHING MOMENTS!

1. What was frustrating about this exercise?

2. What made you successful – eventually?

Welcome to the new home for my Colorado Communication Coach Blog! Over the next few weeks you’ll see some “golden oldies” posts reappear and be treated to some new topics – all in the interest of helping you raise an issue, prove your point and communicate with confidence and clarity!

Thank you for being a loyal reader and I appreciate your continued interest in my articles and ideas!

Laura Benjamin

Q: Dear Laura, what’s taking you so darned long to tell us about Day 2 of your elk hunting trip? We’re beginning to wonder if you really did “bring home the bacon”!

A: Okay, okay. Now just simmer down. We all know a good story takes time and because of a few skeptics who shall go unnamed, (”I can’t believe a creampuff like you could bring down an elk!”) I want to make sure I get this story right.  So thanks for your patience and here it is: Day 2 of The Big Elk Hunt.

If you’ll remember back to day one of our hunting trip, our party consisted of the five guys and myself. You may also remember some of the communication lessons that came from that experience. Day 2 is also chock full of helpful learning points, including:

Communication Tip 1: Don’t take yourself so seriously

You can see from the photo below why I chose the hunter handle, “Teletubby Hunter”. Yes, indeedy. It’s not just your butt that looks fat in those insulated Carhart pants, the puffy blaze orange jacket doesn’t do much for one’s self image either.

But who cares when you’re warm? The issue is not how you look – it’s what you bring home at the end of the day! And the secret to fitting in is to make sure you don’t act like a prima dona. A little self-deprecating humor goes a long, long way!

Communication Tip 2: Words may matter, but things aren’t always as they appear

For example, those early morning discussions over who plans to follow what fenceline up which hill are more important than you might think. You might be tempted to think this was only casual small talk, but ”oh contraire”, this was a crucial conversation. It could easily impact who saw the elk first, who scared the elk so far away no one could get a shot off or who would drive the elk straight into the sights of THE OTHER HUNTERS! (These are the guys you nod to when their truck drives by, being careful not to appear too friendly. They’re the competition, ya know, at least until you’ve filled your tag and then you can smile up a storm!)

Let’s listen in to how this high stakes game played out:

• What they said was: “So, what direction ya think you’ll be headin’?”
• What they meant was: “I’m hopin’ you head up thataway ’cause I know you can’t hit the side of a barn door, and sure enough, you’ll spook ‘em down that draw and I’ll just be sittin’ here waitin for ‘em with my trusty 308.”

Here’s what else is going on behind the scenes: The dominant male in the group is typically the first one to raise that “…where ya going?” question so he can sit back, chew on the toothpick for a bit and carefully consider where he’d prefer to go. This highly sophisticated communication maneuver is designed to out-flank your hunting pals. You might think he’s being considerate, when really, the first person who speaks up loses. Now that they’ve committed, the Alpha Male is free to do whatever the heck he wants, knowing the others are stuck with their first choice.

Communication Tip 3: Silence is golden

When you’re stalking the elusive Wapiti, you quickly learn when to whisper, when to be quiet and how to use non-verbal communication.

So there’s Dave and I slogging up the hill making enough snowshoe noise to wake the dead. I’m chatting away, “Isn’t this beautiful up here? Look at how the moon is shining through the mist. Do ya think we’ll see some elk soon? Are we there yet?”

All of a sudden, he grabs my arm. (An important non-verbal signal that usually means, “Please stop talking” or perhaps, “Please shut up”.)

“Shhhh, there’s elk” he whispers.  “There’s elk! Right - over – there!”

Since he’s taller than me, he sees them first. Being shorter, I can only see the sagebrush tops, so I grab my field glasses and quickly scan the horizon.

“What elk? I can’t see ‘em!” I shout.

Now he’s tapping me on my arm. The more he taps, the more my hands jiggle and the more the horizon jumps up and down, up and down. I whisper back between gritted teeth, “Quit tapping my arm! I can’t see a thing!”

Yes, folks, it was easy to misread his non-verbal cues. What the tapping really meant was, “Let me take off your snowshoes so we can sneak up on ‘em”.

Communication Tip #4: Elk and people use ALL their senses to survive

So off came the snowshoes and we dropped to our knees, slowly creeping from one sagebush to another. With every move, I came precariously close to breaking through the crust covered snow and falling flat on my face. To avoid an accident, I balanced that rifle carefully across my arms and waddled forward, ever closer to the still grazing animals.

“I can’t believe they haven’t heard us”, I whispered.

“We’re upwind. They can’t see you and it’s hard to hear through the fog so they’ll probably smell you first.”

Fortunately, I didn’t have time to over-think that last comment ’cause just then, their ears, eyes or noses must have kicked in. Heads perked up and legs started moving. For such big animals, they sure can hop-to when they want to. A few careful shots and there was meat for the freezer. One tag filled and one left to go!

Communication Tip #5: There IS an “I” in team

While I’m a big believer in teamwork, it was a mighty fine sight seeing that snowmobiler make quick work moving a 600 lb. elk down the hill, over the bumps and up to the truck. I can brag about as well as anyone about the day’s adventures, but I also have no problem sharing the spotlight with the guy who saved us another 3 hours worth of work!

Whoops! Nope, not this little guy. This is his son, the mighty Hunter Helper.

Speaking of teamwork, there’s nothing more appreciated than the ”atta boy” my hunting partners offered when we regrouped back at the truck. No matter how many times I made them wait (for one thing or another) and for putting up with all my concerns that they could have cared less about (”Does mascara freeze at 10 below?”) they always made me feel quite welcome.

See what a welcoming group they are? They’re very happy the day was over! (The result of all their hard work was just out of sight in the foreground of this photo, carefully cropped so as not to offend anyone’s sensibilities.)

A special thanks also to the good folks at Elhorn Outfitters and Blue Gravel for their hospitality and for sending out that snowmobile! We couldn’t have done it without you, John!

Your “Teletubby Hunter”, writing from 6711 ft. above sea level

Coming up next: Day 3, the baby elk encounter and how I made peace with the ethics of elk hunting

Ever had to sit through one of those excruciatingly boring teleclasses, virtual meetings or webinars? You know the ones. You’ve got someone droning on and on and on until anything within sight serves as a worthy distraction. How about that speck of dust floating by? That’s interesting…look how it’s shaped. Look how it floats softly down from the acoustical tile ceiling. I wonder how much of that stuff ends up in my hair?

Every day, millions of people are subject to these telephone and web based forms of punishment with no choice but to remain glued to their chairs.

But a few hardy souls have found a way to mitigate this brain-numbing experience. And who can blame them? Once they reach the outer limits of what any human should be expected to bear…

…the emails begin…slowly at first, tentatively testing the commitment of like-minded captives.

Let’s listen in, shall we?

Setting: A virtual team meeting facilitated by an Expert who knows everything about anything.

Email Subject Line: AUHHHHHGG!

Victim 1: Are you paying attention?

Victim 2: I hope nobody hears me snoring; he’s putting me to sleep.

Victim 1: This guy’s outta control; he’s rambling all over the place!  He just doesn’t know when to stop! “Does anyone know how the world was  created? Here, let me tell you how it was done….”

Victim 2: UGH!!!!

Victim 1: Kill me now…I might just jump out of my 7th story window.

Person 2: If he doesn’t finish soon they’re gonna find me on the floor with a hari kari knife stuck in my gut.

Those poor, poor souls! How much more of this can people take? Is it possible they are not alone? Do others, in fact, face similar circumstances?

I’m betting the answer is a resounding “yes”! I’d bet this is one of the key contributors to employee turnover and a serious drop in engagement levels. But never fear, I also have ways to stem the tide of those who run screaming and clawing to be the first out the door…never, ever to return!

Employee Engagement Tips:

Tip 1: Cut the number and length of virtual meetings, teleclasses and webinars by 20%. Notice how their energy increases, attitudes improvement and productivity levels rise.

Tip 2: Pre-qualify anyone who presents virtual meetings against the “Scale of Boredom”. This scale ranges from a “10-Just Shoot Me” down to a “1-This is SO good, I’m Taking Notes and May Even Remember 20% of This Stuff!”

This is a good start. Perhaps we’ll get additional ideas submitted over the next week or so and I’ll promise to post the ones that aren’t “spam in disguise”.

Until next time, from your Colorado Communication Coach writing at 6711 ft. above sea level…

Laura B.

Mike Rosen at 850 KOA addressed an issue this week that’s got parents, school districts, bus drivers and state governments up in arms. The issue is school bus drivers talking on cell phones while driving children to and from school.

Last week an 850 KOA listener called in to the radio station tip line to say he noticed a Denver Public School bus weaving and signaling to turn left, yet he turned right. The listener followed the bus and discovered the driver was talking on his cell phone. (If you click on the link above, you can hear both sides of the story.)

In 1997, the American School Bus Council  adopted a position to exceed the National Transportation Safety Board and urged a ban on school bus drivers talking on cell phones while driving, loading and unloading students. It appears that 14 states have also enacted legislation supporting the ban.

Rosen’s point was that we shouldn’t need government to get involved in such things, since any employer at any time can forbid certain activities which place employees, customers or others at risk. Employers do it all the time – and should!

I agree with him. We don’t ask the government to require data entry people to take a break from their keyboarding every every 30 minutes, or mandate that medical students get 7 hours sleep for every 12 hour shift they pull. Yet both these groups of people are at risk of making mistakes if they don’t take time to rest before going back to work.

But the bigger question is this…what’s taking the school bus companies and the school districts (the employers) so long to establish and enforce a standard of no cell phones while driving, loading or unloading the kids? Perhaps it’s already in force and drivers are just not following the rules, but I suspect this is a political hot potato especially in unionized environments.

There’s no doubt about it – cell phones are handy to have, especially in times of emergency. But NO driver should ever be talking on a cell phone while they are “on duty”. If call center reps can’t accept or make personal phone calls while on the job, why should school bus drivers be allowed to do so?

Oh, and one more thing…I’ve been privileged recently to do work for pupil transportation groups here in Colorado and find that most school bus drivers’ number one concern is student safety. In fact, at a recent teambuilder for Adams 12 Schools north of Denver, the in-service event included how to raise awareness of the importance of drivers stopping for the kids when the bus ”STOP” sign is extended.

As drivers, we all know (or should know) that when that sign pops out, you need to stop and wait until the driver pulls the sign back in. But plenty of people just whiz on by, more concerned with their schedule than the safety of our children.

But someone in the group mentioned this common sense law isn’t even part of the Colorado written driver’s license test. If it’s true, now that’s a government intervention I would expect should happen post-haste, especially given the influx of new residents within our communities.

Writing from 6711 ft. and expecting more snow!

Laura Benjamin, Interpersonal Communication Coach