We visited southern Ohio (Cincinnati suburb region) late last year and decided to take advantage of the regional food fare. While we were there for an extended weekend visiting Ben’s family, we subjected ourselves to trying the local chain restaurants such as Bob Evans, Quaker Steak, and other restaurants dealing with country life and large amounts of gravy.

White Castle

While I had never previously…”experienced” White Castle, Ben’s been there a handful of times when he’s been to Ohio before. To be honest, I didn’t have high exceptions for a chain that sells its burgers in packs of 10, 20, 40, probably 100 if you asked politely enough. While I have also not had the opportunity to view the entirety of Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle (or any of its delightful sequels), now I know why one would crave these when they’re…intoxicated. Guess which state(s) recently passed marijuana legalization laws? White Castle – here’s your golden opportunity. *wink wink*

Your insides will hate you.

We ended up going twice in our short stay, spurred by an impromptu late-right visit, this time for waffle-cut sweet potato fries accompanied by “Pecan Marshmallow Flavored Syrup” (pictured below) and “Chipotle Ranch” sauce (not pictured, but far more tolerable). Keep in mind, White Castle fries come in “sacks”, instead of “bags” or “cardboard sleeves” so we grabbed a huge sack before we drove to Cincinnati, drove through part of Indiana and swung by the Creation Museum in Kentucky at 2am to snap a photo.

You can never have too much artificial pecan and marshmallow flavoring.

Chick-Fil-A

I had Chick-Fil-A back in August 2009 while in Maryland before the same-sex marriage comments controversy. Since they’re closed on Sundays, we stopped the first day so Ben could say he’s tried it (turns out the one at the airport was open Sunday anyway, so we went again before the flight home). I don’t really think their food is anything special (though I like the idea of non-breaded chicken nuggets) but more the novelty idea of cow-based advertising and a menu centered solely of chicken-based items. I even got a comic book in my kids’ meal – the “Amazing Cow Heroes, DeciBell and Cowmeleon”.

I got a kiddy meal.

Skyline Chili

I’ve traditionally heard that chili in Ohio was a bit different that what we’d traditionally eat on the West Coast. While some people fight if real chili should have beans or not, at Skyline Chili, it’s more of a sauce, served over hot dogs, spaghetti and covered in (my estimation) several cups of shredded cheddar cheese (Wikipedia article for some reading material). I opted for a “Greek salad” (load of Feta cheese included), Ben was game for two skimpy hot dogs floating in a soupy bath of chili and hidden under a hay bale of cheese.

More cheese please.

Jungle Jim’s

No, not a playground equipment retailer, but a “Trader Joe’s on crack” as we came to call it after our first trip (another place we ended up going to multiple times). From the outside, Jungle Jim’s is a sprawling store, complete with a fake monorail surrounded by animal statues. This place is so big that there’s a map for each section and the site recommends “We recommend spending anywhere from 2-4 hours on your first visit“.

There are sections for “American” grocery items, produce, beer & wine, even a section devoted entirely to hot sauces, but first we hit the International section. It featured individual aisles ranging from Asian, Eastern European, European (which subdivided into German, British, etc.) and a small section for Australian goods with the obligatory stuffed koala bears. Not to mention the hookah and loose tobacco section.

Aww. Lookit the lil’ baby hookah.

Your baby hookah would not be complete without Sex Panther flavored tobacco.

Got my Diet Irn-Bru hookup in the British aisles.

I also couldn’t help but notice that Jungle Jim (dressed as a wizard) looked suspiciously like a certain character of a certain comedic sitcom currently on hiatus:

All in all, a nice, fairly stress-free trip, however not sure it was worth the 5-10 lbs. of extra “carry on luggage” I gained while trying all the greasy, deep-fried fare.

Product: Sea2O Organic Energy Drink (don’t forget to disable the audio)
Purchased at: Big Lots (University Place)
Price: 40 cents (20% off the normal 50 cents)

Truth be told, writing reviews for beverages is always a challenge for me. Beverages can be easily divided into broad categories: alcoholic/non-alcoholic, fizzy/flat, sweet/neutral and of course, delicious/disgusting – which in turn provides little challenge for a review. At any given time, I generally have a collection of cans and bottles gathering dust on our shelves because they have nothing noticeable or extraordinary about them (I’ve since curbed my “buying-drinks-specifically-for-Clearance-Cuisine” habit). In fact, today’s product was purchased at least six months ago, but it’s still good. Still good.

When I buy a product for the site, I always try to pick things that err on the side of ridiculous, whether it’s a quirky ingredient, stupid slogan and/or mascot or a terrible Flash-based website that’s straight from the 90s. In this case, today’s feature drew me in because: the word “SEA” in the name (the sea is delicious, no?) and the concept of a non-caffeine based energy drink. After flipping the can around, I learned it also has ~organic seaweed extract~ which sealed the deal for me.

Sea2O is based locally in Bellevue, WA but I found the drink locally at Big Lots, a stark change from its suggested retail locations like Whole Foods and Metropolitan Market. The can used the word “Organic” probably around twenty times, but I lost count by the time opened the can. While I have no qualms about organic ingredients, once enough is fine for me thx.

The drink is very similar to the Capri Sun pouch drinks I grew up drinking as a kid, probably due to the sweetener (agave nectar). Though it’s touted as an energy drink, I’m of the mindset that anything you add enough sugar to, whether it be table sugar, HFCS, agave and what have you, can become energized (new marketing idea: pixi sticks as energy powder). For those asking if the drink was salty or fishy, I’m happy to confirm that there’s no seaweed taste or essence, since seaweed extract is added as opposed to the nori you’re used to wrapping around your sushi.

That said, I’ll stick to my artificially sweetened, caffeine saturated energy drinks.

Product: Vino Solo (2008 Cabernet Merlot, Petit Verdot)
Purchased at: Grocery Outlet (North Tacoma/6th Ave.)
Price: $0.99

I’m writing this post at 2am because nighttime is the right time to write blog posts. Not the mention the bars right below my apartment start closing and the bleary-eyed, yelling-prone tipsy patrons start filtering into the alley just thirty feet below my window. Nothing like the smell of cheap cigarette smoke and drunken yells to lull your from a blissful, dream-filled sleep.

But I digress; I’m not bitter. In fact, one of the only reality shows I actually enjoy started back up again last Friday: Shark Tank. I’ll spare you the details about the premise (it’s like Dragons’ Den, for you international readers) since Wikipedia does a good job explaining. It’s my little dose of ABC television-produced schadenfreude – because what reader wouldn’t get a guilty chuckle from an “inventor” that says they’ve invested their life savings in a pillow for woman with breast implants or a product lineup for “cougars” (no, not the animal). Or if you’re looking for amusement, look up a little game called “BulletBall”.

One of the most infamous entrepreneurs is a guy who’s come back asking for money twice – for his single serve plastic wine cups with peel back foil tops.  Every time I saw a clip of him, I would eye my little plastic bottle of Vino Solo that’s been sitting on our shelf for probably about six months now. Why drink a single serve glass when you can drink the whole darn (little) bottle? I decided to test the bottle out last weekend.

According to the paper label, Vino Solo is “South Eastern Australian Wine” composed of “52% Cabernet Sauvignon, 42% Merlot [and] 6% Petit Verdot” or in my language “Cheap Red Wine” (it’s 13.5% alcohol by volume). Tangentially related, here is a reference image describing myself for your viewing pleasure:

The wine surprisingly isn’t offensive for a plastic bottled petit, just a bit mediocre (this coming from a strictly occasional Two Buck Chuck drinker). I don’t really see the practicality of drinking a single serve wine, though the argument of drinking one glass of wine and let the rest go bad always seems to come up. However, which is more depressing – having the remainder of a bottle spoil or drinking cheap red wine alone out of a glorified Solo Cup?

“He likes it! Hey Jackie!”

Product: Jackie Chan’s XtraGreen Tea Drink Mix
Purchased at: Found by Ben…somewhere
Price: FREE

What happened to you, Jackie Chan? You used to be uber-cool. I remember watching you in the poorly dubbed film: Rumble in the Bronx: on TV in the 1990s, and despite the over-dramatic annoying female voice acting, it was an overall enjoyable flick.

Nowadays kids grow up with “The Spy Next Door” and “The Jackie Chan Adventures” and miss out on glorious direct-from-Hong Kong action films with no plot or acting to speak of, but Jackie’s well-intentioned grin and kicks to the face. So maybe it was nostalgia, curiosity or just because it was pretty weird that made me try today’s product. Hell, Steven Seagal has his own “energy drink” so why can’t Jackie Chan?

The artificially sweetened lemon flavored iced tea powder comes packaged in the oh-so-convenient plastic tube-pouches that are oh-so-trendy these days for single serving diet tea drinks. The powder isn’t brown like Nestea or matcha green as one would expect green tea to be, but a grainy yellowish brown that plopped to the bottom of my handy blender bottle.

While I don’t normally like artificially sweetened green tea (I prefer it plain/hot or cold), I shook up the bottle with some Tacoma tap water and took a swig. Taking one for the team, right? (generally the motto of our website) The concoction was not undrinkable, but a cloying mixed of faux lemon, whatever additives are added for “energy” and that classic Splenda twang. The drink doesn’t have a terribly appealing color, which is probably why most energy drinks choose to come it a totally blacked out aluminum can.

Which celebrity should endorse an instant artificially sweetened iced tea mix? It’s not Jackie Chan.

Also, Jackie Chan, I see like so many aged, overweight women on social media sites, you’re also using an outdated profile pic that doesn’t accurately represent your current physical shape. However your Google+ stream brought a much needed smile to my face. Especially after drinking your green tea mix.

Come back next week when I’ve probably received a cease-and-desist letter from Jackie Chan’s agent!

Bonus: The product page for Jackie’s iced tea also features interpretations of the Chinese Zodiac symbols:

Eff you, rabbits.

“Possibly when you are using a whip and chair on them.”

Product: Pacific Organic Beef Pho Broth
Purchased at: Grocery Outlet (Seattle – 4th Avenue/SODO)
Price: $1.49

I remember the first time I experienced pho, it was a small drafty joint near Pike Place Market in downtown Seattle. Now I didn’t order my own bowl, it was my dad who got some and I just tagged along. This was probably about fifteen or so years ago, before pho became “mainstream” like other Asian delicacies (see also: bubble tea) and prompting chains like “Pho King” and “What the Pho” (uninformed, click here). Truth be told, my first encounter was not a pleasant one. Truthfully said, I thought the broth specifically smelled like old smelly beefy gym socks. Needless to say, now I love it.

While pho is reasonably cheap around here (about $5-6 for a “small” bowl, enough to fill you up and then some), I’ve always yearned to make it at home. Though I don’t have a tub of beef bones and oxtail stewing in my kitchen 24/7, there are lots of quick-prep methods popping up, from concentrated bouillon cubes and paste to today’s product, a pre-made organic broth complete with instructions printed on the side.

I didn’t have any rice noodles, sliced beef, bean sprouts or any of the other requisite ingredients to make pho besides this broth and the bachelor’s carbohydrate of choice, the dried Top Ramen rectangle. Due to my laziness, cheap nature and unwillingness to spend more money on quality ingredients for something that ultimately (like all review for this blog) is a culinary experiment, the ramen and the broth had to suffice. As I soon found out, it was the broth that spoiled the noodles, not the other way around.

Pho broth is a distinctive yet simple flavor (keeping in mind my comment in the first paragraph). Per Wikipedia, “The broth for beef pho is generally made by simmering beef bones, oxtails, flank steak, charred onion, charred ginger and spices. For a more intense flavor, the bones may still have beef on them. Seasonings can include cinnamon, star anise, roasted ginger, roasted onion, black cardamom, coriander seed, fennel seed, and clove.”

It seems Pacific Organic took the “star” in anise literally, as to make it front and foremost as the highlight and only seasoning discernible in the broth. The liquid tastes like Eau de Good & Plenty. Uneatable and already destroying my little ramen brick, the rest went down the drain.

Folks, I may not have to write a legible, intelligent blog post each week, but I sure to have time to make my own pho broth, especially if this is how the pre-packaged option is going to taste.

As you may or may not know, the Saar’s Marketplace in Tacoma on Pearl Street finally closed last month. On our last trip in May, we ended up buying 10+ bottles of wine and picked over the remaining goods. This Saar’s always had the most food we were just never willing to try.

Farewell Saar’s on Pearl, we hardly knew ye.

Products we’ve reviewed from Saar’s Marketplace (both the Lakewood and Tacoma stores):
PLOMBO Ice Cream Cups
Ranchero/Cacique Pork Chorizo
Hostess Fruit Pies
Frutiking
Tepache Frumex Original Pineapple Cider
Army Brand Sergeant’s Pork Pate

Product: Big Island Candies Corn Chip Crunch Bar
Price: Free (Ben liberated it from his company’s snack jar)

Even though Hawaii is the 13th best travel destination in the world according to “Traveleye.com” (which apparently has such an eye for travel that they ranked Orlando, Florida number on the list), I’ve never been there, partly due to the fact that I am a shut-in whose alabaster skin crisps like bacon at even the faintest hint of sunlight. Nevertheless, as a food adventurer, I’m always looking to broaden my culinary horizons and venture across the Pacific to my neighbors in the west. It’s perfect for today’s product, a chocolate treat that Ben picked up from work

I started where any typical American tourist would go: The FAQ page of the Hawaii Tourism Authority website.

Who knew that I don’t even need a passport to visit this tropical paradise because it’s a part of the United States? And they accept US Dollars?! Hot damn! And did you know that anytime of year is a good time to visit Hawaii? That’s unlike the Pacific Northwest where the answer usually is “sometime in June” or frankly “never”.

If you’re sick of co-workers bringing back Hawaiian Host chocolate covered macadamias or repulsed that they brought you Spam flavored nuts, but you’re still looking for a sweet AND salty fix, Big Island Candies Corn Chip Crunch Bar might just be the treat for you.

The Corn Chip Crunch Bar is described by Big Island Candies (or for my sake, BIC) as a “crunchy, sweet and salty delight. With a peanut center filled with corn chips and covered in milk chocolate, you will definitely enjoy this new confection.” I’ve pretty much resigned to calling it “Fritos ‘n’ Chocolate.”

Product: Biscoff Spread (Creamy)
Purchased at: Grocery Outlet (North Tacoma/6th Ave.)
Price: $1.99

America is all about recreating food into the most easily eatable forms. May I draw your attention to Easy Cheese, Wrigley’s Extra Dessert Delights Gum and of course, KFC’s Double Down. However, the product I’ll be reviewing this weekend is a little red-lidded jar that comes to us all the way from Belgium. Spoiler Alert: This, my friends, is creamy sugary delicious in spread form (no offense Nutella). This is Biscoff Cookie Spread.

As many products that originate in foreign lands, I was initially unaware of what Biscoff actually was before purchasing this product. They’re a small cookie that features sweet blend of cinnamon and caramel flavor that are great with coffee and let you sip and extend your pinky in proper sipping fashion. Now take that a step further: this spread is literally pulverized cookies in spreadable form so you can forget about even using those jaw muscles you have and the arduous task of eating cookies one bite at a time. The label/jar even suggest the truly outrageous idea of dipping a Biscoff cookie into Biscoff spread for a Biscoff explosion of flavor.

Since it mainly consists of dairy & egg-free cookies and oil for smoothing it all out, Biscoff Spread is also vegan and nut-free (it’s the same color as peanut butter but don’t be fooled). Everyone can enjoy sweet European indulgence! They also have a crunchy variety but I have yet to locate it in any local stores (hint to PR folks at Biscoff reading this).

You know how all the Nutella commercials have kids spreading the stuff on bread, waffles and other bland breakfast items? You don’t do that with Biscoff. You take a huge dollop directly from the jar and savor that while you veg out in front the computer or couch (Ben will know this).

Trader Joe’s actually featured a very similar seasonal product recently for Winter 2011 called Speculoos Cookie Butter. It’s the same concept using traditional European Speculoos cookie and pulverized into a creamy spread. If you can’t find Biscoff spread, I would suggest seeing if you local TJs has it. It’s been rumored it’s been reappearing…plus anything worthy of a Facebook Fan Page must be in high demand (Biscoff Spread also has one too).

According to Biscoff’s website, the spread is currently available at Walmart, Paris Grocery Seattle, Giant Food Stores and Cost Plus World Market (though at CPWM it costs $5 as I found out last week). Check it out!

Meh, I ingest enough chemicals as it is.

Product: Snap-N-Glow Pops
Purchased at: Valley Liquidation
Price: 50 cents a bag (2 lollipops/bag)

Ah, novelty sweets – not so much about the candy but the plastic/colorized/motorized container it’s in. From the ever illustrious Ring Pop to the classic Batman spin pop (because what’s more intimidating that the Dark Knight with a giant pink lollipop whirling around above his head), you’re essentially paying for the packaging over the pop. Hence, I had no qualms over dropped 50 cents on a set of suckers that are literally supported by a plastic tube filled with glowing chemicals.

“Snap-N-Glow Pops” is a bit of a misnomer. It’s not the pop that glows, just the stick. And it’s not just that: they’re dim and hard to crack as well. But thanks to Koko’s Confectionery & Novelty (A Division of A & A Global Industries), we now have a product that can serve as both a candy and a disaster preparedness item and/or accessory at an all-night rave.

In a drastic turn from my usual gluttonous style, I didn’t finished eating this product; I didn’t even go past two licks. The hard (yet oddly squishy) had almost fused entirely with their outer plastic wrap and after dealing with that, I was left with an old, outdated sucker that reminded me a lot of those that you purchase from an obnoxious kid through a school fundraising effort. Neither the blue raspberry nor lemon had any outstanding qualities other than being terrible.

Guess I’m just a sucker for disappointment.

Product: U.S. General Magnetic Paper Towel Holder
Purchased at: Harbor Freight (Tacoma)
Price: $7.50

While we normally discuss the random assortment of food we eat, we figured it was time to talk about a serious problem facing many Americans today. Since moving into our new apartment, we’ve had trouble with paper towel holders.  The paper towel holder that is pre-installed in our suite is highly effective at dropping the paper towel roll on the floor at the most inconvenient times, risking exposure to germs and loads of cat hair. Just imagine the black-and-white bit of an “As Seen on TV ad”. On the other hand, our brushed steel counter top paper holder was easy on the eyes and very good at keeping our paper towel rolls from hitting the ground. Unfortunately, it was also quite space inefficient. I wanted something that would give me my counter space back, but due to the construction techniques of our vintage (circa 1900) building my stud finder was all but useless, and our heavy plasterboard walls had a pretty good chance of failing under any significant load.

That’s where the U.S. General Magnetic Paper Towel Holder comes into the picture. It’s a simple and sturdy paper towel holder designed to hold paper towels against a large flat object made of steel. Something large, steel, and flat like a gun safe, tool box, or maybe… just maybe a refrigerator! That’s exactly what we needed in our kitchen! Let’s put those fridge doors to use!

Unfortunately, for those of you who have color coordination in mind, the paper towel holders only come in matte red. A more sensible color for a general purpose paper towel holder would have been black or stainless. Both of those colors would work in most places where you could use a magnetic paper towel holder without getting particularly dirty or looking out of place (white would totally get dirty in a work shop). but I can always fire up a can of spray paint and take care of business if I were so inclined.

It’s a beautifully simple tool both in design and construction. There’s nothing magic, nothing fancy, and nothing to break. Just some stamped steel, bolts, and rubberized magnets. However, I did find a potential issue with the construction of these… the edges of the stamped portions don’t seem like they were chamfered or radiused. In fact they feel like they were marginally deburred at best. Definitely a sign of lower quality craftsmanship, but who’s expecting world-class construction from a Harbor Freight product? Just inspect the edges of yours before putting it where children or pets could get to it. I’d hate to recommend a product that lead to someone getting cut or hurt.

Another thing issue that some of you might notice is the sulfurous bouquet given off by the off gassing vulcanized rubber magnets. I’ve been told the smell will dissipate to imperceptible levels in a few days (weeks?) but I’m not 100% sure if that’s just the owners getting used to their kitchens smelling like a tire shop. If you’re sensitive to strong industrial smells you might want to leave this in your garage or on your porch for a few days. Of course if you live in a city like Tacoma your nose is well prepared for strong odors so you’re free to use it right away.

Even when you take the relatively simple construction and the strong rubber smell, I think these are an invaluable kitchen gadget for people who are tight on space. The magnets are surprisingly decent and do an excellent job, in part thanks to their rubber coating, of keeping your paper towels in place while remaining weak enough that you can easily change an empty roll out for a fresh one without breaking a sweat.  [editor's note: if you own a stainless steel refrigerator you might find that this particular product won't work on your doors. Many stainless steel kitchen appliances don't have enough ferrous metal in the composition of their steel so magnets just don't stick.]

Even for the relatively steep price of $7.50 the U.S. General Paper Towel Holder is a fantastic purchase for a small kitchen. Assuming you don’t mind having a paper towel roll sticking out of your fridge. It might not be fancy, but it sure does a good job, and I’ll say I have absolutely no buyers remorse purchasing this. I’m even thinking about picking up a U.S. General Magnetic Rubber Glove holder since we go through a fair amount of gloves when we’re doing meat prep or cleaning up the kitchen. It’s no edible disaster, nor is it particularly cheap. Instead it’s a reasonably priced kitchen gadget that manages to be more useful than a banana guard or a Slap Chop.

[editor's note: how do you feel about reviewing the occasional kitchen gadget along side mystery meats and discounted delights?]