Rock Jumping. Charles Lyster encouraging and supporting his son to make the leap.
Image C Lyster All Rights Reserved

Adventures for Men: One to One Father Son Adventures

A new business venture is setting out to transform the relationships of fathers and sons. Using the Scottish outdoors as a playground, Adventures for Men will give lads and dads the encouragement and space to get to know each other better and build the foundations for long lasting friendship. I spoke with Adventures for Men partner Charles Lyster to find our more about this unique venture and find out what a dad and lad  can expect to get up to on one of their voyages of discovery. 

The Western Isles is the setting for Adventures for Men’s Father Son voyages of discovery.
Image C Lyster All Rights Reserved

A Voyage of Discovery

Imagine you are lying on a beach as the sun sets. The only roof over your head is a constellation. The only company is your son. And you are talking. Really talking. No pointless chit chat. No arguments. No phones. No texts. No slamming doors. No other siblings demanding your attention or office demanding your time. Just calm, relaxed, one to one bonding. Does that sound good?

Of course it does. It’s how it is meant to be. It’s how it used to be; in those glory days when sons spent their leisure time with their fathers, worked with them on family businesses or, further back in time, accompanied them when they went hunter-gathering.

The wild landscapes provides time and space for cnversations that may not happen at home.
Image: C Lyster All Rights Reserved

Adventures designed specifically for men

A new business venture by two experienced outdoor leaders aims to reintroduce the deep connections that come when family members spend time together. Stefan Fritz and Charles Lyster will lead groups of lads and dads on five day sailing trips in The Hebrides. They will teach them skills, but more importantly provide a space for father-son bonding, something that Stefan and Charles believe has got lost in the flurry of modern living.

“Girls have always had the company of other women and been surrounded by role models. A hundred years ago or so, boys had this too; they’d be with their fathers or apprenticed to other men. But now they are kept at school longer, don’t tend to go into apprenticeships, and at the same time families are breaking up,” explains Charles. He is particularly concerned about the development of boys in their early teens. “They often become distanced from their father, who is busy and overworked and doesn’t spend enough time with them. And sometimes he is absent altogether, and there may not be another older role model in their lives.”

Imagine cooking up a father son breakfast. With no distractions.
Image C Lyster All Rights Reserved

A full on lads and dads experience

So the trips are targeted at fathers with sons aged between 12 and 18. The aim is not to achieve a perfect relationship overnight, but to get them having fun together, starting to finding out more about each other and figuring out what they have in common. From his experience as a mountain leader Charles believes for many dads the will is there but the skills are the missing link, “Doing adventurous things with your children is very powerful and there are a lot of fathers out there who would love to do something really adventurous with their sons. But the ideas they’ve got are just beyond what they feel safe and confident to do themselves. So we’ve decided to provide adventurous journeys just for them.”

The sailing voyage provides action and opportunities to learn skills and experience some father son teamwork. No prior experience necessary.
Image C Lyster All Rights Reserved

An all male crew for a Scottish lady

Charles and Stefan will take up to six fathers and sons at a time on a voyage around The Hebrides on the Lady of Avenel; a 100 ft, square rigged vessel. By the end of the journey everyone on board will be familiar with the business of crewing a ship. But no prior experience is necessary and Charles is keen to emphasise it isn’t a hard core Bear Grylls survival experience. Instead it’s all about having fun together in the outdoors, while learning at first hand about tides, charts, routes and wind speeds. Fathers and sons will work together tying knots, rigging sails and steering the ship. “They’ll come away having had some wild experiences, and having been very much extended. They’ll experience it in different ways, and develop respect and understanding for each other,” says Charles. There will be the chance for dads to talk to other dads too, “The dads might be preparing dinner together while the sons learn to do a short splice or make a couple of knots.”

One whole day will likely be spent on an island like Jura or Skye. Charles invites me to picture the scene.  “You might climb a mountain together, and then spend the night bivvying down on the shore. Just you and him. This is a chance for you to learn things about your dad. How he came to be where he is, what worked and didn’t work for him.”

It’s also a valuable chance for a father to work out what support and encouragement he can give to his child. As a child of an estranged father, it sounds idyllic to me.

Lady of Avenel at sea
Image S Fritz All rights reserved

Inspired by Raising Boys

Charles worries that there are few places left where boys can let off steam in the company of other males, “Even the Scouts are now a mixed organisation. I ran my local scout troop and it struck me that it used to be  the last all-male place that boys had where they could play rough games, shout and scream, use an axe and light a fire, but also get some guidance on doing it responsibly and when they were taking it too far. The Adventures For Men voyages sprang from a desire to help boys in their teens to grow into decent men who are going to be good partners for women and good fathers themselves, who will understand their strength and potential but also when they need to rein things in.” Charles and Stefan were both influenced by Steve Biddulph’s book ‘Raising Boys’, which encourages parents to let boys be boys, and indulge in physical play.

Learning from his own experiences

Charles Lyster

Charles and his wife Catherine, who is a classical singer, shared the childcare for their own children, now 17 and 19. He took time out to get to know his son in the outdoors on hiking, sailing and shooting trips. This strengthened their relationship immeasurably and they still do things together today. His desire to help foster father-son relationships in others followed the death of his own father, who he’d have liked to know better. “I’d love to know more about his decisions and regrets, what he would have done differently and what he was pleased he did.”

He vividly recalls a day when he got his dad to himself, without his two brothers being present. “I was about ten and I loved collecting fossils and he took me off to a chalk quarry. It was the only place where there was some exposed rock and there weren’t any fossils but I could take you through that day hour by hour because it was so precious.” Charles hopes the voyages will provide hour by hour memories as well as a lasting impact on the life journeys of the men and boys who sail with them.

Getting mum on board too

While planning the courses, Charles and Stefan have been asked about running similar trips for fathers and daughters and mothers and daughters. But they are keen to focus their time and energy on developing one particular family dynamic, and doing it well. They firmly believe that if you get fathers and sons on course it has a lasting impact on the whole family. But they recognise the value of mums in the equation, “We don’t want to exclude a mother, and we aren’t planning to take the father of her child off and turn him into a macho bloke that she won’t recognise. We hope she’ll realise that anything that strengthens this relationship is good for her son, and good for the family as a whole.”

But which son?

I wonder out loud how a father of two boys is expected to choose between them. Charles smiles, understanding the problem. But he is unapologetic. “These adventures need to be one father and one son. The whole one-to-one thing is so powerful, and there’s a potential for rivalry if two sons are present. If a father has two sons, then maybe he’ll just have to come back next year as well.”

Lady of Avenel sailing under a setting sun
Image S Fritz All rights reserved

Practical information

Adventures for Men voyages will depart from and arrive back at Oban on the West Coast of Scotland. You will need to make your own way there although help can be given on routes and journey times.

Voyages last five nights, with accommodation on the boat included and one night camping out, weather permitting. Food and all specialist equipment is provided.

Sons should be between their 12th and 18^th birthdays, while no dad is too young or too old! The Adventures For Men website has a good section on FAQ’s if you need further info.

Western Isles. Image C Lyster All Rights Reserved

Disclosure note: This post is brought to you in collaboration with and thanks to support from Adventures for Men who provided interview and images to allow us to bring you this story. The editorial remains, as ever, entirely our own.

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Looking out from under a tarp. Each of our under the stars sleepovers will bring a different view in the morning.

Out Under the Stars: Our Sleepover Season

The Family Adventure Project is having a sleepover. In fact, we’re having loads of them. In different locations. With our kids. Because everyone knows that kids love sleepovers. But they also love their bedrooms. And we don’t want our kids to stay in their bedrooms. So, with the help from Terra Nova and Hi-Tec, our sleepovers will all be out under the stars…

Are you afraid of sleepovers?

Does the word sleepover strike fear into your bones? Does it conjure up thoughts of all night policing, overexcited kids, and noise until the early hours? Or does it make you come alive with delicious thoughts of midnight feasts and pillow fights?

Well, our sleepover season may well have sleepless nights. And we might slip in a few midnight feasts. But pillow fights aren’t an option. Because we won’t have any pillows. Or a tent. We plan to sleep in a range of different wild places, with just bivi bags to keep us warm.

Our first Terra Nova Tarp and Bivi Camp. Out on the Cumbrian Fells.

What do we know about bivvying?

What do we know about bivvying? Well nothing to be honest. Until last weekend we’d never done it. So we’re going to ask experts to help, by either sleeping out with us, or giving us advice before each outing.  Terra Nova will be loaning us an extra bivi bag just for them. We hope to attract mountaineers, film makers, adventurers and wildlife enthusiasts to fill us in on the world of wild camping. If you’d like to join us, get in touch; we’re open to offers.

Experiencing different environments

We plan to make our makeshift camps under the stars, over the space of a year, in a range of different locations. We’re thinking a beach, a cave, a forest, a field, a lakeside, a poolside, a mountain, a valley, an island, perhaps a ditch? To be honest, we’ll consider anything, as long as it’s safe for kids and can guarantee at least forty winks.

Hannah prepares to sleep out under the tarp. Not quite under the stars. Well, it’s raining so you can’t see them.

A practice run

Of course we can’t announce a project like this until we know that the kids are comfortable with it, and that we are all happy to commit to it. So last weekend we hit a field near Coniston in the South Lakes, to test out a selection of smart bivis and tarps loaned to us by Terra Nova.

Luckily bushcraft guide, Chris Binks, from River Deep Mountain High agreed to help us set up camp, although he abandoned us at bedtime. I say luckily because it rained. All night. From the moment we finished pitching. And we hadn’t a clue how to deal with rain. Not without a tent in our armour.

Raindrops doing their stuff while the Terra Nova Adventure Tarp 3 does its stuff.

Ah so that’s how the tarp works..

Without Chris’ help we would have wondered what to do with the tarps. And we’d never have thought to pitch them so low down.  We’d have camped in the forest and tied them high in the trees for shelter. But here we were, in the corner of a field with low strung tarps right over our heads, rain bouncing off and wind whistling over the top while  we looked out onto the world and the kids chatted on walkie talkies and played with their torches.

As night fell we stayed dry under the tarps wrapped in our bivi bags

In at the deep end

It wasn’t an ideal scenario for our first bivi. It rained all night. The wind threatened to throw the holding stones off the tarps. There was no chance of seeing a star there was so much cloud. But we were dry. And we were safe. And dare I say it, we were enjoying ourselves. We’re no strangers to camping but this is very different to a tent; it’s open, exposed, exciting.

Terra Nova Adventure Tarp 2 proving itself on our first night under tarp.

A successful night heralds an exciting season

All in all it was a good night. And it led me to believe that this season is going to work. So see you some time, some place, in a bivi bag, under the stars. If you have any particular talent in this area then do let us know. We have a spare bivi bag and it could have your name on it!

Will you join us for our Sleepover Season?

Keep up with our Sleepover Season

Our Sleepover Season is supported by Terra Nova and Hi-Tec. Terra Nova are loaning bivi bags, tarps and tents for us to test out. Hi Tec have provided some waterproof footwear for us to use.

If you’ve an idea for somewhere we should sleep out, some gear we could test or are interested in joining us for a sleepover, get in touch and let us know. Follow this link to see all posts from our Sleepover Season.

Want to keep up with all our posts? You can subscribe to receive via email and never miss a thing.

Check out this video and see what’s involved

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It’s time for us to get out of our bubble and find out who you are

Talking point: Why are you here?

Do you ever wonder about what you’re doing and why you’re here? I’m not talking existentially, although a little of that is good for the soul. No, right now I’m actually wondering why you’re here on this page.

It’s all about you

When Stuart and I plan our blog posts each week, we think of you. We wonder who you are, why you’re here and what might make your stay interesting. Yes you! Did you know we talk about you? Seriously if you weren’t along for the ride, there would be no ride, no point. Our blog would be a diary. And I’ve always hated writing diaries. So thanks, you’ve saved me from that.

Last week we learnt we’d been nominated in three categories of the UK national Brilliance in Blogging awards. We’d never thought of ourselves as brilliant. Gaudy, eccentric, off-balance perhaps, but not brilliant. Anyway, recognition is a nice feeling. But what is brilliant blogging? And who decides?

What makes a blog brilliant for you?

I’d like to think readers are at the heart of good writing but we’ve come to realise we don’t really know that much about you. Our relationship is a bit one-sided. Like my mother in law, we do a lot of talking and perhaps don’t listen much. And we want to know what would make time you spend here more brilliant?

I write to you a lot and I’d love to hear back from you. That’s optimism!

So without wanting to be rude, who are you?

I might recognise your name from a comment, or your style from a tweet. But you and I have never hung out, I don’t know what you look like, or sound like, and our kids don’t play together after school. I don’t even know how you take your coffee. Maybe you don’t even like coffee?

The thing is if we want to be brilliant for you it would be brilliant to know what you want and like.

So we’re asking…

We’ve had a go at tapping into your views and opinions through a series of regular talking points like this. Since October we’ve done a lot of work on the blog, redesigning, introducing Punkt, better photography, more videos and new strands of content like Talking Points and Adventure Ideas.

But we’d love to know what you think. Like:

• What do you come here for?
• What do you find most interesting, valuable, enjoyable or irritating?
• Is our blog too narrative or not narrative enough?
• Do you just want to read travel or more about family life or other stuff?
• Should we do more reviews, or less reviews, or no reviews?
• What could we do better?

Perhaps you don’t give a monkeys what we do with our site. In which case, we’d love to hear that too. And it probably means you have a better work/life balance than us.

Over to you…

Anyway, we’d love to hear from you in as few or many words as you can spare, anyway you like. Leave a comment below, drop us an e-mail, tweet us or post us on Facebook.

And I’ll try not to be like my mother in law. In fact I’ll go further than that, I’ll forgo my coffee and reward the most useful piece of feedback with a £10 Amazon gift voucher so do make sure we can contact you.

Look forward to hearing from you

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Wallace and Gromit Thrill-O-Matic Blackpool

Any Thrill-O-Matic Adventure Ideas Gromit?

I’ve searched and searched and can’t find it. Maybe it’s just not there. And maybe it doesn’t matter. If there doesn’t appear to be a thread running through this week’s adventure ideas it’s probably because that’s how things are right now; chaotic, rambling and seemingly disconnected. But perhaps that doesn’t matter, for in that madness may be the seed of a great adventure. But if you can connect Gromit, slippers, Bristol, Blackpool, roadtripping, The Balkans, birdwatching and Crete you should probably be writing this blog. Give me a call! 

Slipper action in Blackpool

The other day I slid my foot into a comfy slipper and went for a ride through a dark tunnel. I travelled under a low bridge where dozy sheep bleated above me and evil rabbits plotted below, stopping to nod to a guy with a rictus grin who stared past me into the distance. Yeh, I know, we live in Cumbria. This kind of thing happens all the time.

Wallace and Gromit’s Thrill-O-Matic Ride at Blackpool Pleasure Beach

Thrill-O-Matic Gromit?

But for a change this didn’t occur on the late night emergency Malteser run to Milnthorpe. Instead we were in Blackpool to try out the new £5m Wallace and Gromit ride. Wallace and Gromit’s Thrill-O-Matic is the world’s first theme park ride to be based on their adventures. The Pleasure Beach Resort has refurbished the former Gold Mine, taking you on a dark ride (and I mean dark!) around scenes from the three Aardman Animations films. If you love the films, you’ll probably love this. I enjoyed it, but not quite as much as I did Valhalla, the only water splash ride I’ve ever been on that soaked me from head to toe. Forget the giant slipper, if I ever go again I’m taking a giant bin bag.

Wallace out with his minders at Blackpool Pleasure Beach

Gromit, unleashed in Bristol

2013 seems to be the year of Wallace and Gromit. Seventy giant hand painted Gromits will form a trail around Bristol landmarks this year in a new project called Gromit Unleashed. The sculptures have been designed by art luminaries such as Cath Kidston and Raymond Briggs.

Meet seventy of these chaps in Bristol

Aardman owner Nick Park says he can’t wait to see how Gromit will look decorated by so many different artists, “I love the concept of these art trails and to have ‘Gromit at large’ is slightly scary in a nice way for me, but also an incredible honour.” If you can get down to Bristol this summer  there’s loads going on including a balloon festival, a kite festival and a Shakespeare festival.

Meanwhile Wallace and Gromit will be spearheading a new Visit Britain campaign encouraging staycations, so they’ll be all over the telly too.

All-inclusive in Crete

A staycation might be your idea of hell in a slipper. And with the weather at home so unpredictable I wouldn’t blame you if your thoughts drifted further afield. If you are on a tight budget and haven’t booked anywhere yet, then check out some of the budget operators that offer all- inclusive packages in Europe. And don’t fret, you aren’t chained to the beach if you take an all-inclusive. We recently bolted a week of adventure activities onto our break in the sun. We’ve been thinking about biking South this summer. At one point I’m sure I heard Stuart asking if I thought we could bike to Greece. Which got me thinking about bolting on a week of all inclusive heaven to six weeks of biking. There are some great all inclusive deals out there at the moment like this one at the Heronissos Hotel in Crete. I’m working on him, but I’m not sure if he’ll go for it.

Crete: Anidri beach. Image Pat Neary (under CCL Flickr)

Add on Albania

Our plans for the summer are coming along. If we can’t get as far as Greece, we’re thinking we might bike The Balkans; watch this space for details. Whilst doing a bit of research we came across a company called Balkan Road Trip, who run tours in the Balkans including one from from Croatia down to Greece. Sounds easier than biking. From May they’ll be offering a new Albanian add on, exploring the jewels of Albania and Montenegro including the walled city of Kotor, Albania’s capital Tirana, the Turkish town of Berat and the fascinating Roman colony of Butrint. If I can’t get Stuart onto that all inclusive then maybe I can get him on a road trip around the Balkans. A girl can dream can’t she?

Enjoy a visit to Blue Eye Spring in Albania

Twitching in the Lake District

But summer’s still a long way off. Closer to home, the RSPB recently published the results of its Big Garden Birdwatch, and they’re not encouraging. Results show that some of the UK’s most threatened and best-loved bird species are continuing to decline. ‘Red list’ starlings hit an all-time low in 2012 and their numbers sunk further in gardens this year. House sparrows dropped too.

But the good news is the Ospreys are back in Bassenthwaite.  And you don’t need to wait for your staycation, or hike up a mountain to see them. You can find out all you need to know and more by heading over to the live stream of the Lake District Osprey Watch. You wouldn’t believe the some of the domestics they have! And their mating rituals are interesting too. If a bloke wants to impress a girl, he simply chucks her a fish.

But then, as I said at the beginning, these kind of things happen all the time in Cumbria.

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Childrens Party Plastic Rubbish or something more useful

No More Party Bags: 7 Outdoor Kids Party Ideas

Are your children’s parties more chore than cheer? Are they costing you a fortune? Peer pressure from other parents and a desire to please our little birthday girls and boys means we can’t quite go back to how it used to be…with a few sausage rolls, a game of pin on the tail on the donkey and a run around the garden. But we could be more creative, explore nature’s big backyard, and still show the kids a good time…  

No more party bags?

In his Man about the House column in Saturday’s Family Guardian, journalist Tim Lott argues children’s parties have now expanded to epic proportions, while the the only ones getting any benefit are the ’the marketeers of happiness.’ And he has a point. How often have you looked at those plastic toys in the party bags, that you’ve also been guilty of sourcing, and felt vaguely nauseous? How often have you wondered if the bouncy castle and magician is really necessary? And what about that confectionery monstrosity that’s bigger than the average wedding cake?

But can you go back to basics, and still keep up with the Jones’s? Well we think you can. Here’s some of our tried and tested outdoor children’s party ideas that are cheap, sometimes high tech, and fun for everyone…

Eating cupcakes outdoors in the rain is much more fun. Isn’t it?

1 The Nature Detectives Party

Themes: Nature, Tracking, Wildlife

Benefits: The children have fun in the outdoors while learning about the natural world. And you learn something too.

Preparation: Buy a  pocket tracking guide. Then choose a small patch of land or public footpath and familiarize yourself with what’s there in advance of the party. Identify the trees. Note what animals hang out there. Look for tracks. See what’s in the hedges. Source some cheap reporter’s notebooks and magnifying glasses and give everyone a pen.      

How it works: The children get points working as a team or in small groups to identify everything on their walk. Is that an oak, a silver birch or a redwood? Are there any dead things or animal poop to examine? Encourage them to collect things as they go (but nothing that’s still growing or poop!) and make collages on your return. Give everyone their collage and a magnifying glass to take home.

Expenses: A tracking guide, magnifying glasses and notebooks.

What will your nature detectives spot?

2 Paparazzi Party

Themes: Technology, creativity, photography

Benefits: This party develops the children’s creativity but has an element of competition with a prize at the end.

Preparation: Beg, borrow or steal some digital cameras, phones with cameras or ask the kids to bring their phone or iPod with them. Choose a location and do a bit of research into what’s there.

How it works: The children are split into two groups and given a camera and an adult between them. They are also provided with a list of landmarks to find and photograph. They must take a picture of themselves with the landmark. The activity is timed and the team with the most points wins. You can host this party anywhere, but it works best in pedestrian spaces like the park where the children can tear around looking for benches or mole-holes. We did it on the prom in Morecambe where they had two miles to run around without encountering cars. Then retire to a green spot for a picnic, while you calculate which team has collected the most landmark pictures. If you set up a dropbox for all the photos then children can print off pictures during the party or afterwards as souvenirs.

Expenses: A small prize for winners. A picnic.

Playing DS in nature. Not playing games but taking photos of nature.

3 Geocaching Treasure Trail Party

Themes: Technology, GPS, geography, map-reading

Benefits: The party bag prizes are built in to the ground and wall! Kids love geocaching; some of them will be new to it and might pick up a new interest. If you live in the city it’s a great way to show the kids some history or unusual locations. Geocaching can be done on foot, by bike or even public transport. If you choose sites close together you won’t need a party bus and will fret less about losing other people’s kids, or even your own.

Preparation: Source two or three phones with GPS. Identify some geocaches close together by going to geocaching.com. Check out their suitability for visiting with kids!

How it works: Choose from your geocaches according to location and difficulty level. Plug in the coordinates and off you go; checking to see if there’s a clue. If you prefer you can use the geocaching app to help with locating caches. Go as a whole group or split into teams. When you’ve found the cache, add your name to the list, collect a treasure and put in a small token of your own in return.

Expenses:  A few small gifts to go in the geocache boxes. Picnic.

Geocaching is great fun, but still plastic presents in many of those caches, I’m afraid!

4 Crazy Olympics Party

Theme: Sport, Competition, Wacky games

Benefits: Lots of exercise. Good fun.

Preparation: Borrow a field, a school playground or head to the beach.

How it works: Split into teams and have a series of Olympic events that the children can do; similar to an adult circuit training course. Be imaginative about your events. Remember this is the crazy Olympics. Make them run the 100 metres in wellies. Do shot put with apples and oranges. Have an equestrian event with a hobby horse and home made hurdles.Encourage them to create a waterless synchronised swimming routine. Any Olympic sport is fair game for a daft version.

Expenses: A picnic for the sportsmen and women (not fogetting the Crazy Olympic Committee) and sweeties for the best, or just the whackiest athletes.

Chariot Racing at the Alternative Olympics

5 Camping Party in the Garden

Theme: Overnight Camping, Bushcraft skills

Benefits: Gets the kids uplugged!

Preparation: Clear your garden of all the bikes, buckets, weeds, dog poo etc! Identify your site, and source a tent but don’t set it up beforehand. Make it a timed challenge. Even better if there are camp beds to blow air into. Source some head torches or bike lights so they can see their way to the toilet in the night.

How it works: Take a night hike first to add drama.  Have a midnight feast (but probably not at midnight). Make home made catapults with twigs, elastic bands and marshmallows. If it’s raining do indoor camping. If firelighting, take precautions to protect your surroundings and your kids. Remember to leave no trace. Even in your own backyard. Especially in your own backyard.

Expenses: A family bag of marshmallows.    

Camping out whether on a campsite or somewhere wild makes for a memorable experience

6 Wild Camp Party

Theme: Bushcraft and survival skills, camping, wild places

Benefits: Building your own hut is a creative experience. Teenagers will be especially good at this, if you can persuade them to leave their hair straighteners and Minecraft back home.

Preparation: Get permission from a landowner or neighbour to build a den on their patch. Bring some materials including tarp, wood, cardboard etc. Or if you’re feeeling even braver, identify an island you can swim, canoe or raft to with all this stuff. Do make sure you have permission though. Do some research before you go. Books that may help include Ray Mears Bushcraft and Go Wild. Or for ideas on wild hut construction check out sites like Kevin Langan’s 100 Wild Huts site

Teach them some new skills like how to whittle or light a fire with a magfire tool, how to use a compass, how to purify water, how to put up a tent and use a campstove.

How it works: You have to build your own shelter and sleep in it for the night. And cook your own food. Parties don’t get more fun than that. Best done in summer for everyone’s comfort. And if you are nervous you can always have a plan B like a tent in the boot in case the weather throws a tantrum.

Expenses: Food. Fire lighter, books on whittling. Pen knife.

Camping on Farleton Fell Cumbria

7 Mission Impossible Party

Theme: A mission or mystery for everyone to solve with solvable clues and a time limit

Benefits: Fun to set up and fun to do. Keeps them motivated and engaged. No one will say ‘I’m bored.”

Preparation: Set clues, hide envelopes. Think up code names, imaginative rewards and a consequence if they don’t do it on time. We hired a pod on a campsite, with its own little patch of land. And had a Pod Party. With a mission. If you don’t have the time or the ideas, you could try adapting some of the clues in a murder mystery game.

How it works: Have a running theme. Lots of clues, and treasure. It needs some planning to ensure all the little Tom Cruises complete their mission in time for tea or bed. A contained location helps so they can run around searching for clues without getting lost.  Here’s the moment our kids opened their final envelope…

Expenses: Paper and envelopes. Treasure you can hide. (We used Kinder eggs). Prize for the winner.

Marshmallow anyone?

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How many different ways can you go see the Brandenburg Gate in Berlin?

Bike, bus, boot or banger: 4 great ways to see Berlin

For me, one of the joys of a city break is ditching the car. And in Europe, where parking charges can be astronomical, and traffic terrifying, I wouldn’t dream of taking my own vehicle. While doing without a car can feel like you’ve lost an arm at first, it also offers an opportunity for being creative about how you get around a new place. While on our fairytale break in Berlin we tried four different ways of seeing the city, giving us four different takes on the place. It’s something you could try for fun and variety in any large city…

By Bike

From experience we have learnt that the best day to bike in a city is a Sunday. And the best time? At dawn, especially in the summer, when it’s populated only by the birds and the earlybirds. Now this can be done in two ways. Either you get up very early. Or you don’t go to bed. For us, the second option worked quite well before we had kids. In Buenos Aires we sampled the extensive nightlife before a bike tour of the city led to a comfy hotel bed. In Athens we were the first to reach the Parthenon and got in before the coach parties. However now we have children, we favour the first option. And four iPod alarm clocks.

Berlin is a great city for cycling, flat and lots to see within bikeable distances

If you are a nervous cyclist but don’t want to do the early or late shift, then most cities offer guided bike tours. In Berlin we spent an engaging few hours in the company of Ciaran Butler, one of the guides at Berlin’s Fat Tire Bike Tours. We went in search of the Brothers Grimm, stood on the spot where the Nazis burnt the city’s books in 1933, heard stories of Kings and Kaisers, deconstructed the lyrics of the latest David Bowie single while standing in Potsdam Square, became part of a war memorial sculpture and found out where the best Bratwurst in the city is served.

Off our bikes for a moment at the Holocaust Memorial

Despite the freezing temperatures we stayed warm, cycled off our hotel breakfast and built up an appetite for some Dunkin Doughnuts. Check out the following video for a taster of our bike tour of Berlin and let our guide Ciaran convince you that this really is the best way to see Berlin, whatever the weather…

By Open Top Bus

We’re probably preaching to the converted here, (who hasn’t tried an open top bus?) but it’s such a brilliant way to see a city that we couldn’t leave it off our list. Unfortunately it was minus ten in Berlin, and thankfully the open top wasn’t open. Of course there are also normal buses with roofs and heating.  Anyway, the bus takes all the stress out of travelling around a city; someone else is at the wheel and you can please yourself about how often you stop and for how long.

The heated sightseeing bus – that would have been nice!

Some bus tours have an audio guide; ours had a human. Or should I say a geek? But in our family no fact is too random to be absorbed. For example we now know that the headquarters of Angela Merkel’s office is nicknamed Angela’s Iron, while the Nordic embassy buildings are called the Ikea Box, and the TV tower is bigger than the Eiffel Tower.

You won’t miss the iconic TV Tower however you travel in Berlin

One tip if you are hopping on and off; check that your bus circulates regularly so that you don’t spend most of the day standing at the bus stop. And more importantly check what time they finish or you could end up being forced to try another form of transport home from the wrong part of town. Ours departed every fifteen minutes in a circular one way tour which wasn’t exactly convenient for backtracking as it was part of a two hour loop. So hopping on and hopping off might not be as carefree as you might think. Hotel concierges can often recommend the nearest bus tour services, and the cheapest passes. It’s also worth finding out if a bus tour is part of a city pass. In Berlin, certain services came as part of our Berlin Pass.

You can see the Berlin Wall from top of a (not) open top bus

By Quirky Transport

Before you visit your city, look and see if there’s a quirky way of getting around. In Liverpool, a highly entertaining amphibious vehicle tours the city before plunging into the waters of the Albert Dock. In Amsterdam you can hire some really whacky bikes. It was in Amsterdam that we spent the day travelling to each tourist attraction by pedallo.

Berlin’s quirkiest option is the Trabi tour. The cars may be green but their engines are not.

In Berlin our quirky transport came in the form of a Trabi Safari. At Trabi World’s enormous yard, you get to select your favourite painted up Trabant (the former GDR car of choice) and drive it around the city’s main sights in a classic car convoy. The guide in the lead car does his commentary via walkie talkie as you wrestle with the gear stick and try not to choke on the mix of oil and petrol wafting from the engine. It’s great fun and our kids really wanted to take one home afterwards as a souvenir. We’re now thinking of doing the Mongol Rally one year in a Trabant. You can get an idea of the Trabi tour in this video and interview with a Trabi tour guide, Jordi.

By Foot

The cheapest and simplest way to see a city is on foot. Most hotels can usually provide you with an adequate map for free. We have toured some of the world’s most iconic cities this way including Paris, Venice, Vienna, Washington and New York. You could choose a theme; I know someone who is gradually walking Paris in numerical order of districts, and a few years ago we geocached our way around Krakow.

Berliner Dom – you only really get its scale when you stroll around

In Berlin, you may need to supplement your walking with the subway as there are several centres due to historical divisions. You might get lost, as we did looking for the Grimm Graves in Schonenberg, or find yourself running late, as we were for a theatre production that resulted in us walking onto the stage mid production, through a household fridge. But that’s all part of the fun.

And as you stroll through The Brandenburg Gate, and past Check Point Charlie, as you wander down alley ways filled with street art and packed with modern cafes, as you absorb the history and breathe in the atmosphere, you’ll be glad you left the car back in the garage. Believe me, you will.

You can get caught up in all kinds of exciting things on foot. And stop the traffic too.

Disclosure Note: Our thanks to Expedia for providing the Berlin Pass which enabled us to take the Berlin Hop On Hop Off Bus Tour and a Fat Tire Bikes tour and for the tickets for the Trabi Safari, all provided as part of their Blogger Shaped Travel Competition. All the experience views and opinions are, as ever, entirely our own.

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Reykjavik Children’s Culture Festival

Reykjavik Children’s Cultural Festival 2013

What’s your view on culture for kids? A waste of time? A developmental priority? A welcome distraction from online gaming? In Iceland, it’s highly valued. So much so that they’ve hooked one of their annual city festivals onto it.  As the third Reykjavik Children’s Cultural Festival kicks off again this week we remember some of the highlights of our visit last Spring…

99 red balloons

I have one enduring memory of the Reykjavik Children’s Cultural Festival. It involves sitting in a room spotted with red balloons, playing a board game I don’t really grasp the rules of, while dozens of other families play board games they probably do grasp the rules of. A simple image. A very simple activity.

Playing board games in another language is an interesting challenge

Most parents would agree that board games are great for family bonding. But how often do you play one together? In a room full of other families doing exactly the same? We never had. Until that day.

Some seriously complicated fun

Not every aspect of the Children’s Cultural Festival was that simple. Some parts of the festival were seriously complicated. The respected Reykjavik Chamber Orchestra tried out an experimental piece of music using audience participation. We joined in the chorus at the appropriate moment by biting the tops off carrots, while they blew into plastic cups made into impromptu beards held on with elastic bands stretched around their ears.

Musicians read from an alternative score while playing alternative instruments as part of the 2012 Festival

A touch of celebrity culture too

Just down the road, Bjork’s Biophilia workshops opened up her philosophy of music meets science to families; and as we all know, nothing about Bjork is ordinary. Meanwhile Reykjavik’s Harpa concert venue became a moving mirror ball when over a thousand 10 year olds from every primary school in the city performed a single dance along with a 300 strong choir.

The Harpa Conference Centre in Reykjavik became a giant mirror ball inside when 1000 kids performed there.

And happiness in abundance

And then there was the happiness circle, sitting holding hands with strangers passing squeezes of happiness around the ring. Luckily there was no need to speak (we wouldn’t have understood a word) but we knew how to  squeeze and everyone knew what it meant.

All around the city – signs of family’s creative participation. Here in the library.

A great way to get to know Reykjavik

Navigating around this festival was a bit of a challenge too. It was spread all over the city, in schools, theatres, halls, libraries, art galleries and the outdoors. Some of it was highly choreographed while other bits seemed to happen by accident. Sometimes we weren’t even clear if the particular activity we were watching was actually part of the festival, or just Icelandic people being themselves; like when we discovered a man going for a walk with his cat in a rather unusual manner.

How else do you take a cat for a walk in Iceland?

Wierd, wonderful and welcoming

The Festival programme was extensive, with a sometimes bizarre English translation, which all adds to the sense of creative confusion. And some of the activities just sounded weird. Even for us; a family who specializes in weird.

Families drumming up some inner something at the happiness workshop

And very easy to get involved

This festival is literally made for families and there is something for everyone in the myriad activities, from toddlers to teens. But it also goes beyond the family; celebrating creativity, life and the beginning of life. It coincides with the official start of summer in a country where snow and dark swamp the land for many months. As if by magic the tall dark volcanic shadows of the previous month become sharp white glacial peaks once again.

The return of the sun and summer is a cause for celebration in Iceland

So why not get involved

If you’re in Iceland and happen to have a child, or your inner child with you, you should go and attend one of the events. It could make you a more creative spirit this summer.

Want to read more?

If you want to read some more, check out some of these posts inspired by our time spent at last year’s festival…

• Culture and Happiness for children, by children - on the Children’s festival itself.
• 8 things that make Iceland the most creative and kooky place I’ve ever been - on the creative spirit in Iceland and the forces that shape it.
• Family making music with a carrot - on participating in one of the craziest music making workshops we’ve ever attended.
• Whale watching or whale eating - on whale watching from Reykjavik, the thrill of this modern hunt and curiosity about the appetite for whale meat.
• Letting go of the reins - on getting out of town to explore a little of the Icelandic countryside in a most tradition way, on an Icelandic horse.
• Not your usual Golden Circle Tour – on the perils of taking kids on a coach trip to see the iconic Icelandic Golden Circle.
• Does a happiness revolution sound like this? - on the pursuit of happiness and musings on whether the Icelandic crash did everyone a favour.

Childrens Craft at Childrens Festival Iceland

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Those incredible men and their flying machines. At Blackpool Pleasure Beach

Talking point: Creative travel

People talk all the time about travelling responsibly. But what about travelling creatively? Should we pay as much attention to the idea as we do the logistics? I only ask because I recently watched someone make a washing machine fly…

Can you make a washing machine fly?

We’ve been struggling with what to do this summer. Not that we’re short of options. Trips still on the table include family volunteering in Africa, searching for gross happiness in Bhutan, a ‘Grand Tour’ of Europe, walking across the Pyrenees, and biking in the Balkans.

But we haven’t been able to decide, because no one trip stands out. By ‘standing out’ I mean having a unifying theme that we all buy into. For Stuart and I, travel for travel’s sake is pointless. It’s bad for the planet and deadens the soul. Our most successful, most enjoyable trips have injected a bit of imagination into a tight schedule.

When we biked across Spain we did it as Pedalling Pilgrims. When we cycled from Munich to Krakow it was music that drove us on; from visiting Mozart’s house to busking with recorders outside the Vienna opera house. On a recent trip to Berlin it was all about fairy tales when we went looking for the Brothers Grimm.

On the Camino de Santiago there’s an obvious historical and spiritual theme

It’s not just about getting from A to B

What I’m saying here is that for me, travel needs some purpose to make it meaningful. It needs to be creatively inspiring. But then for me, creativity is what life is all about.

So what is creativity? Well for Hannah it might be sticking pipe cleaners onto cardboard, for Cameron it’s about tinkering about on the piano, while currently for Matthew it’s creating a village of mushroom houses in Minecraft. But for many of us, it’s not a fleeting activity or quick lightbulb moment. As you grow older you realise that real creativity is about thinking big and outside the box, as well as thinking long and hard. It’s about working hard too, about tirelessly toiling to be original, to do something special or to achieve perfection.

Creative travel can take many forms

But back to travel

Anyway, I digress. The reason I am writing this talking point is because I was inspired recently by a creative campaign for a travel rewards scheme, Avios, a reincarnation of Airmiles. You probably know the kind of scheme, you  collect points for things you buy like your weekly shopping, petrol and home entertainment and flights, and then can spend them on travel. Maybe you  have seen the advert, where a washing machine takes flight?

What really inspired me about this campaign though was not the points make prizes business but a behind the scenes video that follows the agricultural engineer and his friends who made it their mission to make household objects fly for the ad.

A tumble in the clouds

Not just a flying washing machine, but garden accessories like a flying barbecue and lawnmowers, and flying kitchen and electrical appliances; all lifting off into the clouds. Watch the video and it’s obvious this was a creative endeavour fuelled by passion, commitment, experimentation and determination; that’s what it takes to turn household objects into flying machines. And it clearly wasn’t an easy task, but the best ones never are. They had to pick up the pieces of a barbecue crashing and burning repeatedly. And goodness knows how many times their grass would have been destroyed by the lawnmower. Like all the best creative missions this was a shot of creative inspiration, a large helping of imagination and experimentation, and a whole load of perspiration.

Creative Travel Planning? What’s that then?

Creative travel planning is like that too. It’s about having an imaginative idea and finding a way to see it through. It’s about finding an unusual angle and taking it to the limit. That’s what we’re looking for in our summer expedition. So for now it’s back to the drawing board for us. To find out how to make our own washing machine fly.

Talking Points

How do you travel? Do you think there is any point in travel for travel’s sake? Or does it need a theme, a point, a purpose for you and your family?  Have you followed a creative theme on your travels? With what results?

Join the Conversation

Talking Point is our series of short Photo Friday posts. Each week we pick a photo and post a talking point and invite you to join the conversation. Do leave a comment with your thoughts.

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This Disney bride obviously loves the Mouse. but I still need convincing

I don’t normally do Disney, but Tinkerbell is different

 You can’t do Florida without doing Disney. How many times had people told me that? So, despite my conviction that Disney wasn’t for me, I agreed to spend a day in one of world’s most popular theme  parks to see if might  experience the magic…

“No thank you I don’t do Disney”

I first said it eight years ago on our way back from our bike tour of New Zealand, when we stopped off in LA and Disneyland Anaheim was just down the road. But we could see the fireworks from our hotel window and it seemed churlish to say no when a three and a four year old were gagging to see the magic. So there I was, heavily pregnant, standing around holding the bags while everyone else had fun. I was prepared to suspend my disbelief if the mouse could deliver. I looked for a ride without crowds and spent the last couple of hours of the day going around the world in a boat, humming the tune of ‘small world.’ It was pleasant enough, but didn’t exactly sell me the dream.

Back at Disneyland LA in 2005. How small & excited the kids were then. But not me!

“So no thank you, I don’t do Disney”

I said it at the end of our Baltics tour when we called into Paris on the overnight sleeper. It seemed churlish to say no when an 11 year old, a ten year old, a six year old were gagging to see the magic. And it was Cameron’s birthday. This time it was even hotter and even more crowded in the heat of August and as it was Paris we couldn’t afford lunch. I rode around on Dumbo and got dizzy.

Disneyland Paris

“So no thank you, I don’t do Disney”

I said it again a few months ago when I met a PR to talk about visiting Florida. I want to do shelling in Sanibel. I told her. I want to visit the Space Centre. I want to go biking in Forever Florida. And I wouldn’t mind zipwiring over gators or going croc hunting on a speedboat. But the mouse doesn’t work for me.

Alligators Gatorland Orlando Florida

“So no thank you, I don’t do Disney”

“Let us covert you,” she said, booking Cameron and I a plane ticket to Orlando.

In our hotel  at the airport,  Cameron and I work out our dream itinerary using a new Orlando planning tool. My son and are of the same mind. We want to visit dolphins at Sea World, and Spiderman at Universal and go indoor skydiving and go on a water slide and get gunked.

Cameron gets stuck into the Visit Orlando Planning tool

“But no thank you, we don’t do Disney”

We are escorted around Walt Disney World’s Hollywood Studios and Magic Kingdom by two minders; Fred and Diana. I wonder what they’d do if I escaped, and hid in the Tower of Terror until hometime?

The infamous Tower of Terror  - a good place to hide??

This unflinchingly cheery pair really ‘do Disney.’ Unlike the guides in the other parks they go on all the rides, they don’t complain when they have to queue in our place for an hour and a half to secure seats in a popular restaurant. And they know more about mice than David Attenborough.

Disney World Guide Fred plays Mickey

They tell us tales of Mickey and Minnie travelling under the ground in long tunnels so they are never caught out in an inappropriate place like Indiana Jones territory. Over lunch they tell me there are mouse icons hidden around the park. I ask them where the nearest one might be and they point upwards to the ceiling where sure enough, the shadow of a Minnie has been painted into the mural. And the faces of the cherubs are the baby faces of the Imagineers (park designers)

Can you spot the Mouse? (Check out the shadows)

But they can’t paint out the crowds

It’s holiday time and the parks are packed. They assure me this is nothing compared with August, but it’s too busy for my taste. After a couple of rides at Hollywood studios where we shoot Toy Story aliens, and then are shot into the dark courtesy of Aerosmith, we visit the American Idol studios where a regional heat is being held. It is slick and entertaining, with a glitzy set and witty judges and real contestants. We get involved, and vote for our favourite.

The American Idol Studio at Disney World

The newest attraction in Magic Kingdom

Cinderella’s pink castle holds no interest for me, even when I learn I could get a Princess makeover in it. We breeze past, on our way to New Fantasyland, to the largest expansion in the history of Magic Kingdom. It’s not quite there yet; The Princess Fairytale Hall and the Seven Dwarves Mine Train are still under construction and diggers are out in full force. But Disney’s newest attraction Under the Sea-Journey of the Little Mermaid manages to be both high tech and charmingly simple. Without getting wet, we go down into the blue where the music and light and colourful animatronic characters make my head swim. In a good way.  Helped by those familiar Disney tunes. I really enjoy myself.

Under the Sea, Little Mermaid, Disney World Orlando

There is a six month waiting list for dinner at Beast’s Castle –otherwise known as the Be Your Guest Restaurant and the queues for lunch are endless. Luckily Fred has been on the case. At lunchtime the food is glorified fast food, albeit French fast food. But the setting is lovely. It truly is. In the corner a rose sheds petals; just like in the film and Beast and Belle dance.

The rose in Beast’s Castle, Disney World, Orlando

I drink a delicious Le’Fou’s brew in Gaston’s Tavern. I even manage to almost cop off with Prince Charming, (or is it Prince Eric? -all these Disney Princes are the same!) who has taken time off from admiring himself to turn his attention to me. The metallic balloons hanging off prams in front of the castle are beguiling and remind me of my children’s childhoods. Has my Disney-fication begun?

This Prince is really charming. And believe me he knows it.

Electric dreams

Somehow the day is gone and we find ourselves at the head of the crowd, waiting for the electric parade. The gates are closed and I wonder why so many people are staying when their feet hurt and their children are overtired. Then the gates open and one of the first floats out is a luminous shrine to Tinkerbell.

All lit up for the Disney Parade

I was never a girly girl. I liked my dolls to come with motorbikes and I used to torture the few teddies I had in the makeshift medieval rack that began life as a child’s ironing board. But I did associate with Tinkerbell. Somewhere in the fabric of my tomboy childhood, this little fairy wheedled her way in. How ? I’ve no idea. I must ask my mother. We’re not exactly alike, this creature in a sparkly leotard and I.

Is this what makes Disney so universally appealing? Does somebody always find a character that they identify with? After  all it can’t be the just the rides that pull people in. I think Spiderman and The Hulk over at Universal are more exciting than the Disney rides. It can’t just be the magic as Universal also competes there too with The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. And it’s a dream that comes at a price.

Do these over sized, over romanticised beings have the power to tap into the subconscious?  Have I been popped right back into my childhood bubble, transported back to a time when I was truly happy?  Or is it bigger than Tinkerbell and my childhood?  Have I somehow tapped into the whole American Dream?

There’s no escaping the mouse

And what about Cameron? Is the Disney experience more poignant because he’s here? His childhood is flying by even faster than mine did. Is he the conduit for my Tinkerbell moment; like the church spire when lightning strikes the town?

I knew it was going to happen

I’ve seen it at two Disney parks before. When the sky is sufficiently dark and the palace is sufficiently luminous, a blonde creature flits across the sky. I know she’s on a zip wire. I can see the line. I know the music is being piped through every last speaker in the park as there’s one in the bush behind me. I am conscious that it’s not just for me but for many thousands who have handed over their entry fee. And thanks to Fred and Dianne, I know it has happened every night since the park began apart from one single September day in 2001.

And yet still…

She zips down her wire in a tangle of gold and again we connect. I squeeze Cameron’s hand.

So where is all this leading? To the point where I tell you I am converted? Hmm. It was just a late night encounter with a fairy on a zipwire. And at the end of the day this isn’t a magic factory; it’s a commercially driven theme park the size of Manchester with litter bins that empty themselves. It’s not a palace of dreams, just a painted set with a great light show. It’s not a real fairy, it’s a young woman in wings who will one day get cellulite and have to wear big knickers like the rest of us. And I know what damage mice can do; last year they ate away our electrics leaving us without power on Christmas Eve.

But yes reader, I do admit that in that park, in front of that castle, I experience the magic. For a moment, a brief moment, I do Disney.

Yes, I do Disney

Toy Story Soldier Disney World Orlando

Practical Information

Disney parks are open seven days a week. Park opening times and dates vary greatly throughout the year; check out the Walt Disney World website for details and for park entrance fees and special offers.  Some hotels offer free entrance for Disney as part of your stay, so it’s worth checking who does when you book.

Booking a VIP experience is a great way to see the park, get the inside story and skip the queues, but it will set you back a few hundred dollars and has to be booked for a minimum of six hours.

We wore a pedometer and calculated that we walked 12,644 steps in just one day at Walt Disney World. So wear comfortable shoes and dress for the weather.

Disclosure Note: Thanks to Visit Orlando and Disney World for hosting me to enable me to bring you this story. All the experience, views and opinions are, as ever, entirely my own.

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There’s no missing Madame Tussauds on the front in Blackpool

Looking for life in the waxworks

Our Big Ticket family pass for Blackpool offered entry into Madame Tussauds. I’d never been to a waxworks before so we popped in for the chance to get up close and personal with some old and new celebrities. But while the waxy celebrity exhibits were undeniably lifelike and entertaining, to me they were also missing one vital ingredient; life. But then, that kind of thing was on my mind… 

I’m feeling ghoulish before we start

It’s late on a cold spring afternoon on Blackpool’s seafront and most people have gone home. Aside from a couple of staff photographers waiting to capture our experience, we mostly have Madame Tussauds to ourselves. A waxworks is probably not the best choice of attraction to visit the day before a family funeral, and this ‘end of day’ atmosphere magnifies the stillness and my sombre mood. But even in other circumstances I think I might still find Madame Tussauds a little unsettling.

There’s something strange about being able to invade the personal space of a celeb without being pulled off by a bouncer. And something weirder still about how real theses figures look and yet how unreal they are. It is undoubtedly a ‘them and us’ situation. We are alive and they are not. In the half hour we are there, we age a half hour. We have half an hour more life experience, half an hour more wrinkles, half an hour more emotion, half an hour more breath. The waxy figures stay exactly as they were when we entered. They stay exactly as they were when someone took a mould of their face. And in some cases, that was a while ago.

Capturing the past

A waxworks is all about a moment in time. And many of the figures I’m drawn to are from my time, my childhood. In Coronation Street. it’s like I’m back in the 80′s. In the Rover’s Return it is Bet who stands at the pumps. And Hilda is still in charge of the mop.

“Do old people watch Coronation Street?” asks Hannah, a child of the download and the DS. In my childhood everyone watched Coronation Street. Endless ‘watercooler moments’ in a time before the phrase ‘watercooler moment’ had entered popular culture. These characters were part of my life.

David Attenborough’s looking eerily young and that frog’s not well either

Morecambe and Wise floor me

Morecambe and Wise were a big family favourite too. They used to make me laugh. They were two of the staples of British comedy and their legacy remains. I stand in front of them with respect. I touch Eric’s cheek. But it is still and cold. The wax figure doesn’t make me laugh. It makes me nostalgic. And it reminds me that he is gone.

Stuart’s Mum would be proud to see us on the Jeremy Kyle Show

It’s interesting to measure the present against the past in this way. David Attenborough looks like he’s only managed to get around a couple of jungles so far, and there’s no sun damage. The shoulders of Louis Walsh clearly don’t bear the weight of years of rejecting flawed singers. You’d only have to compare the face of Jeremy Kyle here to the guy you see on the telly to see how the unpalatable lives of others have affected him in real life. In a wax museum no one has ever brought him their questionable morality, their raw anger, or their ambiguous parentage.

And no one ever will. His waxy brow is permanently untroubled. When my children grow up and have children of their own, Jeremy Kyle will still be standing here wrinkle free. Unless he becomes unimportant in the world’s eyes and then I guess he will go to the Tussauds grave. What happens to wax figures when they die? Do they get a decent send off? Or are they melted down into candles? Does an artist unweave all the hair from their head? It all makes me wonder.

The Two Ronnies. Plus One. These and other comedy figures make me cry.

Death is how it all began at Madame Tussauds

As I said, I’m in a dark mood. But then it’s not all me. Towards the end of the museum, where the little statue of Madame Tussaud stands, there is some history about the museum. I learn that it all began with the death mask. Marie Tussaud lived a colourful life at a turbulent time in French history. She made casts of the heads of victims of the guillotine, sometimes when they were still coated in blood. One of her most famous masks was a mould of the head of Louis XVI, after his execution. The early Madame Tussauds exhibition began as a touring Museum of Terror. Undeniably, a part of her business took her closer to death. And today I measure my own height and wrinkles against it. One of the world’s popular tourist attractions has a powerful impact for me.

I had thought the point of visiting a waxworks was to have a snap with a famous person, to stand next to The Queen or find out just how teeny Ant and Dec are. That’s what most people do, and they have huge fun doing it in many countries of the world. But maybe it can be more. Celebrity or eternity? Check one out and see what it means to you.

Blackpool Seaside Deck Chair

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