Dear people:

I have both good and bad news.  The good news is that Andie MacDonald is home for the summer.  Actually, that’s the bad news too.  You see, Andie is a moody creature so she’s either awesome or I want to kill her.

It’s been one day and so far so good.  Yesterday, we were trying to figure out her housing situation during med school (Duke University Med School has no housing. Why do you not have housing Duke? It would make a big difference in the stress level of your incoming first year med students?)

So we were figuring out the housing and a phone call needed to be made and she didn’t feel like making it so she asked if I would make the phone call in exchange for a BLOG POST so you guys, of course I took that deal because I’m lazy and she’s funny.

I also pointed out that the last blog post she wrote was immensely popular and her point system was a hit although she never added up the points and she pointed out that you guys (the readers) should be able to do math so yeah, that’s what she’s like.

At any rate, she hasn’t actually lived at home since high school so this should be interesting. I’m actually looking forward to having the “fun” Andie at home as this will be the first stress-free period she’s had in quite some time.

Daniel left yesterday to go back to school for both summer school and his job so I’m sure we will see him as well but mostly it will be mother-daughter bonding (I hope) or mother-daughter fighting (possibly) or daughter visiting mother in prison (a possibility but I hope not) for beating up said daughter.

Next week Andie is going to visit Keely since is the longest they have ever been apart since Andie was born (or as I like to tell her, accidentally added to our family hence her nickname: The Accident.)

This people, is how you raise healthy and happy kids.  By calling them nicknames like “The Accident.”  Speaking of nicknames, last Sunday was Mother’s Day but due to the fact that it was also Duke Graduation it was all about Andie.

Yesterday, I received a box with a note saying I was the best “mom” ever and that it was from “The Gift” aka Keely Rae MacDonald.

The minute I opened the yummy chocolate and read the card, both Andie and Daniel looked at me and said “fucking Keely” because you just can’t top “The Gift” and now they looked bad.

Hahaha… well, I thought it was amusing.

In other news I saw Maya Angelou yesterday and I should write about her and I might write about her but we shall see because this entire blog is so out of order already ya know?

I’m hoping it will be a great summer and Andie will be happy and Daniel will like his job and Keely’s job is done at the end of June so if you guys know of anyone looking for a writing PA in Los Angeles drop me a line.

See ya,

Lynn

WRITTEN TWO WEEKS AGO COMING HOME FROM CALIFORNIA. I CAN’T HELP IT IF I’M DISORGANIZED. GET OVER IT!  Also, this is a silly post.  WHATEVER!

I’m on the plane and we’re sitting here on the runway awaiting takeoff.  I’m probably not supposed to have my electronic device on but the pilot just came on the loudspeaker and announced that we aren’t allowed to takeoff before 8:00 AM on a Sunday morning.  Apparently there’s a curfew which is fine but it does tend to make you wonder why in the world we have a 7:45 AM flight. **

Speaking of 7:45 flights I am traveling with my friend Ann, of Chicks, Chat and Change heading back home from the Mom 2.0 Summit held at the Ritz Carlton in Laguna Nigel.  We had planned for the taxi ride to the airport to take an hour and it actually only took 15 minutes thus getting us to the airport at 5:45 for the 7:45 flight which really should be an 8:00 flight since we are apparently not allowed to leave because of the curfew. Isn’t that stupid?

The point is that we got to the airport ridiculously early.  Ann was bound and determined to show me the “illustration” collection that they apparently have in the Santa Ana Airport so EVEN though we walked through security and our gate was right there, she made us start walking to the other end of the terminal where she thought the collection was.

So we walked and we walked and we walked and no collection.  Finally she said, maybe we should turn around which was perfect since my sock had slipped into my sneaker (yeah I really dress up to travel) and I needed to take my shoe off.  Since we still had an hour and a half we decided to have breakfast in the diner that was nearby.

After a delightful breakfast of coffee and oatmeal we realized that SHIT our flight was boarding and we were still miles away from our gate and how ridiculous would that be to miss a flight that we had been two hours early for?

So we raced to the gate where Ann informed me that “I feel guilty telling you this but I’ve been upgraded to First Class for this segment” which cracked me up since its a 50 minute flight and we have almost spent that much time on the runway waiting to be allowed to leave.

So what’s my point?? I don’t have a fucking point.  I was just telling you about how much I’ve already enjoyed my day.  I decided to have loads of coffee because being really sleepy all day is the only way I’ll actually sleep tonight so now I’m tired and wired and I have to pee.

Ok, this iPad is driving me up the frakking wall so I’m going to obey the pilot and turn it off down.  See ya

** thank god we were first for takeoff because there was 3 planes behind us and we could have been fourth for take off.  Good grief!!

“I speak to everyone in the same way, whether he is the garbage man or the president of the university.”

― Albert Einstein

I read this quote yesterday when it flitted by on Twitter and it is virtually what Melinda Gates said this past Sunday as the Speaker at the Duke University Graduation, Class of 2013.

If you aren’t aware, Melinda Gates is married to Bill Gates (of Microsoft) and they started the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation back in 1997.

The foundation’s mission is to work on global health.  Soon after starting the foundation, Melinda began to travel to many “third world countries” (she hates that word) and started meeting the people that she was trying to help.

What she discovered was that they had similar hopes and dreams for their children: they wanted them to be healthy, happy and successful.  The only difference was that it would be much more difficult for these poor people to achieve that goal.

What Melinda wants is for these kids, these new graduates, to use their connectivity (internet, Twitter, Facebook, email) to make the world a smaller place thus helping the uninformed, uneducated and unaware and not just the group of people they already know.

She pointed out that as people get more successful, they tend to stay within the confines of their own socioeconomic bracket and never reach out.

She urged us all to reach out. I personally, thought it was a great address and seeing that Albert Einstein also respected each individual just reinforced that attitude.

As I go to listen to Maya Angelou for the Women in Philanthropy of the United Way of Greensboro speak today, I realize that I need to donate more than that; I need to donate my time and brains, not just my pocketbook.

I, along with others, have often been guilty of reaching out with money but not with actions.  I hope that enjoy Dr. Angelou’s address today but whatever the topic is, I am now thinking of myself on a broader scale.

I realize that many of you don’t have the time or resources to reach out and help those less fortunate than you, but if you do I urge you to attempt to make a difference.  After all, if Albert Einstein can see a human being as a human being, so can I.  He was a much smarter person than I will ever be!

I meant to be writing about Andie’s graduation and how Melinda Gates spoke and what she talked about but instead, I’m going to tell you how sideways this day has gotten.

I started out well with me going to my normal Monday morning Pilate’s workout; so far, so good.  Then I needed to go to the vets to pick up my cat and dog, Butterscotch and Tucker.  I get there and I take out my credit card, or in this case, I don’t take out my credit card because it’s missing.

Shit! Where the hell is my credit card? I just spent the weekend down at Duke but what did I pay for versus what did Kevin pay for? I think I paid for dinner Saturday night but I can’t remember when all of a sudden, I’m told that the doctor needs to speak to me.

Why does the Vet need to speak to me? What now animals, what now?  So I go in and sit down and try to figure out whether it’s my dog who’s dying at the slowest rate ever or my cat who is constantly trying to kill herself through unusually stupid methods.  Well, mostly by one method of eating string and destroying her digestive system therefore requiring extensive, and expensive I might add, surgery not once but TWICE.

So she walks in with Butterscotch (of course) who is in her carrier trying to cram her tiny head (probably because it’s lacking a brain) through the mesh and we have the following conversation:

Vet:                 your cat has broken off two of her front teeth

Me:                  what? When?

Vet:                 it looks recent so probably on the trip into the vets

Me:                  are you serious?

Vet:                 yes, you can look at her carrier and see she was trying to gnaw her way out.

Me:                  and her teeth broke off?

Vet:                 yes, two of them at the base

Me:                  what the hell is wrong with this cat?

Vet:                 at least she didn’t eat any string

Me:                  I only live a mile from here.  She was in the carrier for 5 minutes

Vet:                 you are going to want to get a hard carrier so this doesn’t happen again

(Then I begin to wonder how many teeth she has and how many more times she could break them off at a two per rate?)

Me:                  do they hurt her?

Vet:                 apparently not … but you need to make sure they don’t get infected

Me:                  are you kidding me?

Vet:                 … no and also sometimes her lip might get caught on the broken teeth

Me:                  what?

Vet:                 but probably not

And then I looked at the cat as she is cramming her head into the mesh with her eyes closed and thought, “this might be the stupidest cat in the world.”

I texted my family and brought the animals home to find out that Carol, who has been with me for 22 years, was just in a huge car wreck and I took off for the hospital.  Thankfully, while the car was totaled, she is okay other than being sore and whiplashed.

Now I’m home and I need to track down my card, check out my cat’s teeth and make sure Tucker hasn’t crapped all over my house so that’s my day.  How’s yours?

Written last week while at the gym at the Ritz Carlton

Ok people I’m actually typing this post with one hand while riding the recumbent bike at the gorgeous gym at the Ritz Carlton at Laguna Nigel.  The gym is on a cliff overlooking the Pacific and while I won’t say that it’s “inspiring” me to work harder it’s certainly magnificent.

Down below I see dozens of surfers sitting on their boards doing what surfers normally do which is sit on their boards. Seriously, it seems 99% of surfing is waiting for the perfect wave.

Nonetheless I’m attempting to work out because a) as I said the view is magnificent b) I had two pieces of carvel cake yesterday c) I had my turndown chocolates too and d) I really needed too since its been a few days.

So this man got on the bike next to me and he had this pattern of tape crisscrossing his knee and I was curious what was up with that.  I figured perhaps he’d had orthoscopic surgery but those a normally tiny band aids so I couldn’t actually finally, I broke my no bugging people at the gym rule and asked if had recent.y had knee surgery.

No, he told me, he s actually attempting to avoid that by using “spider tape.” ( it’s actually called spider tech tape I just googled it)

This tape apparently helps prevent joint movement so you don’t inflame your joints.

Holy shit, that’s exactly what I need for my elbow and Kevin needs it for every joint in his body.  Apparently it’s the tape that Keri Walsh, the Olympic volleyball player was using last year, and he says it works.

I’m so excited because sometimes being rude and begging someone actually teaches you something.

When I get home I’m gonna try it and I can’t wait to see if it helps.

See? Sometimes working out at the Ritz is a win win.  Have a great one.

I’ve been a bit remiss with this blog the last few weeks.  Of course, I was traveling and due to my sucky iPad I can almost never post when I travel due to the sheer about of crashes that happen.  Beyond that, the copy and paste function seems somewhat dysfunctional.
Keely told me that I should get a new one (it’s 3 years old which in Apple time is FOREVER) but sort of like my old, old car I have a sense of pride keeping it around.  Nonetheless, it was pointed out to me that if I got a keyboard things would be a lot easier and in summation, I’m an idiot.

On the way home I managed to write 5 posts so you guys will basically be hearing about my California trip for the next several months so that’s a bit fucked up but I decided to break into the stream of posts (I can do that; I have complete control over this blog) and tell you what I’m up to.

This weekend, otherwise known as Mother’s Day weekend to everyone who does NOT have a college graduate because for some reason they always have to have graduation on Mother’s Day.  This way you can spend the entire weekend going from event to event and either roasting (last year) or getting soaking wet (this year) all in celebration of an event that your daughter has done nothing but cry about.

So, as you can tell I’ll be down in Durham for the weekend celebrating my second child, Andrea Lane MacDonald aka Andie, graduating from Duke. As you know she will be moving on to medical school and of course, that’s what she is having meltdowns about.

Thus, the only conclusion I can draw is that getting what you want is just as bad as not getting what you want.  What I want is just a few days without drama.  Is that too much to ask?

Beyond that I haven’t paid my bills, the fish tank needs cleaning out (poor Hercules and Gilgamesh), Tucker needs a refill on his meds, apparently my brick flashing needs to be caulked, we have to figure out Andie’s apartment (I say we because somehow I’m always involved) and I need to get my shit together with this blog.

I hope everyone out there out reads this blog (all 3 of you) bear with me while I get through this period and then perhaps, I’ll have it together again.  At least, with Andie home for a while, I’ll have some good conversations with Andie to put in here.  Well, either that or I’ll be in prison for killing her but actually, that will probably be good blog fodder too!

Have a great Mother’s Day weekend whether you’re a mom or not!  See ya!

P.S. Melinda Gates is the speaker so that should be good

That was basically my disclaimer.  I can’t actually remember what I’ve written on this trip and I’m probably going to post everything out of order so bear with me.

One thing that I know by now is that when I go to these mom conferences that most of these women pull out all the stops.  They use this as an opportunity to dress up and put on makeup and have fun.  Especially when the conference is at a warmer place it means cute shoes and high heels.

I’m not the type to wear high heels but I decided I needed a pedicure to get all ready.  That’s about as much glamour as I’m going to do. I told Keely I wanted to get a pedicure so we went to a place in West Hollywood.  Once seated there were trillions of decisions to make.  What color? Pedicure or mani/pedi? Gel nails or regular? Foot massage or no??

You can see how hard the entire process is.  I was going to get just a pedicure but Keely told me to get the manicure AND the pedicure.  To have the pedi they roll up my pants until my calves feel like they have a tourniquet on them.  Now Keely went with the gel manicure but when I learned what a colossal pain in the ass it was to get it off, I opted out.

So I get my stuff and Keely gets her stuff and Keely’s nails are totally dry so she pays and we walk to dinner. I asked her to unroll my pants but she can’t get them down cuz they’re so damn tight.

We get to the restaurant and my legs are driving me nuts so I try to pull them down but they fucking stuck.  Keely tells me to wait but now I’m going all OCD about it and I finally get my pants down and great news, 3 out of 10 of my fingernails are NOT messed up.  You do the math. That’s why I hate manicures because I always fuck them up.

Fast forward to the next day and KEELY and I are in this terrific little boutique called TAGS.  You guys gotta go there.  They’re in West Hollywood right next to Soul Cycle and Equinox, (which is how we found them) and they have the cutest clothes.  (I actually bought keely a really cute shirt because I’m so proud of her but don’t tell anyone).

They were really nice and polite and have both men’s and women’s clothing and awesome eclectic jewelry.  Somehow Keely explained to them that I had screwed up 7/10 of my nails within minutes when we had the following conversation:

Keely:  so yeah, my mom always screws up her fingernails

Salesgirl:   you should put some nail bling on next time

me: what’s nail bling?

Salesgirl: it’s jewelry you have put on your nails

Keely: can we see?

And the girl whips out this tray of crazy stuff that you glue in your nails.  Check out this pic!

Me:  are you kidding me? People wear this crap?

Salesgirl: oh yeah, we used to have an entire display if this and this is all that’s left

Me: I have GOT to blog Bout this

And then of course I had to explain my blog but they were great sports about it,

Me: can you put one on so I can take a picture?

Salesgirl: sure, which one?

Me: that one

And I pointed to a really crazy, pointy one so she put it on and I took a picture,

Keely: that looks dangerous

Me:  yeah you could put an eye out with it

Keely: I’d kill myself (she probably would)

Me: actually, now that I think about it,  that baby could come in handy

Salesgirl: how so?

Me: because now all my fingernails are so short that I can’t even scratch an itch but if I had that one sharp nail that would no longer be a problem

And then we all laughed and agreed that having one talon could indeed be a very good thing.

Long story short, got to TAGS in West Hollywood.  Hmmmm….I wonder of this is my first promotional post.

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Motherhood by Lynn MacDonald

When I was asked to write a post describing my feelings about Motherhood I found myself stymied.  How could I possibly describe all the many different feelings I’ve had over the years? I suppose some of the following words would sum it up although I’ve felt each of them at different times during my 23-½ years as a mom:

I’ve felt: joyful, delighted, overwhelmed, enthused, dismayed, powerless, amazed, confused, guilty, melancholy, elated, calm, relieved, intrigued, hopeless, depressed, curious, confident, and disappointed.

Let’s not forget: anxious, happy, worried, scared, rejected, horrified, embarrassed, concerned, panicked, nervous, frustrated, exasperated, grumpy, annoyed, envious, weary, bored, insecure, disgusted, insulted, ambivalent, exhausted, alienated, hostile, outraged, and even at times, defeated.

To me, motherhood is an entire amalgam of emotions and feelings all battling to win out at any given moment.  The saving grace is that you never feel any one of them all the time so there’s a balance.

I always knew I’d be a mom.  I grew up around kids, I babysat and I always enjoyed them.  It wasn’t a question of whether I’d have kids but when I’d have kids and that really depended on finding someone that I wanted to spend my life with.

Was I prepared for what motherhood was? No, I was not.  It’s both more joyous and more stressful than I ever could have imagined.  Having a child achieve success is far greater than when I achieved success myself and I both love and hate myself each time it happens.  I love it because these kids are mine and I (along with my husband) both created and nurtured them so where they are today is not only their success but mine as well.  I hate myself because I despise people who live through others and I have found myself at times doing just that.

My kids have not been the easiest to raise; I’m sure most moms will say that but we’ve experienced more than our fair share of health concerns.  All three of them had ear problems and Andie had severe asthma requiring constant attention and vigilance.  Then Daniel, my youngest, was booted out of preschool and was diagnosed with Asperger’s, which, at the time, I had never even heard of.

I never realized how much work I would need to actually put into mothering.  Yes, I knew about making dinner and teaching them their letters and what right and wrong was but I never considered therapy and the constant interaction and attention that Daniel necessitated as something that would be an integral part of my life.

Stress was my constant companion and I learned to take solace in the small victories, a day without a fight or one more year allowed in school.  When we finally made our way through all that there were social things I heard about that I was expected to help with, things that I never shared with my mom when I was a teen.  Because I was so close with my kids, I knew every hurtful thing that happened in their life so while it was great that their accomplishments were my accomplishments; their pain was also my pain.

Then, when we were finally on track Keely, my eldest, got a tumor.  By now she was in college and I had thought we were home free so to speak.

So what I learned then, and now, is that motherhood never leaves, it never goes away.  Although my day-by-day interactions as a mom are in the past, my kids will always need their mom.  They are all three quite independent and successful in their own right but just as “no man is an island” no child who is close to their parents ever completely leaves the nest.

And you know what? That’s just the way I like it.

So motherhood has been the most fulfilling experience of my life and very frankly, finding something to replace that constant adrenalin rush has been difficult but I’m still looking.  I loved being a mom, even when times were rough and I look forward to the future with my new role as “friend.”

When tough times roll around, in the words of the great Barney Stinson of “How I Met Your Mother”, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

It’s amazing I’m still alive to write this post but I am and I’ll explain why.  You guys know that I work out virtually every day.  No, I’m not one of those amazing women in amazing shape.  I’m one of those people who works out a lot and still looks like crap but I would think I’d look even worse of I didn’t work out at all.

So at home I basically do spinning, Pilates and some recumbent bike on my own however, I’ve been curious about Soul Cycle since it came on the scene years ago. MIT started in New York and spread to LA and apparently it’s spinning but really fast with arms added in.

Now my arms look like Jabba the Huts body so adding arms in is a good thing.  I arrived in LA on Monday and keely asked me if I wanted to do a 5:30 or 6:30 PM class at Soul Cycle.  I had gotten up at 5:30 AM Eastern time which was 2:30 AM Pacific time and I normally work out in the morning so doing a hard class at what was 8:30 PM to me seemed like a terrible idea so of course I said yes.

We go there and check in and 5 minutes before class starts they let you on, spin shoes required. (I brought mine). I’m a bit nervous but I think “I can do this” and bam, the class starts.

First if all, I think I could live my life inside of a jet turbine and it’d be quieter and second of all, I’m sucking air so badly that within two minutes I’m pretty sure I’m gonna die.  This class is what I’d call a “race class” back home in that you go a million RPM the whole time.  Meanwhile you’re doing pushups on the handlebars, jumping up and down and back and forth and then, THEN they bring out the hand weights.

It was fucking impossible and they hadn’t turned on the fans yet.  Later I explained it all to keely and her friends. “I figured I’d die and fall off the bike and then I remembered I was clipped in so I could never fall off the bike.  Even if I wanted to fall off the bike you’re so close to the bike next to you that you probably couldn’t fall anyways.  It wouldn’t be until the turnover that they discovered that you died forty minutes ago!”

It was simply the hardest workout I’d ever had.  I burnt 500 calories in 45 minutes.

So of course, I went back the next day and then also today.  I figured that if I worked this hard then maybe all the crap I’m about to eat in LagunaBeach at Mom2Summit won’t matter right?

I have to say, the entire operation is amazing.  They have over 50 bikes in this small space and classes every hour so each changeover you have 100 people, half of whom are dripping, trying to get in and out of this small gym.  I know a few business that could take some lessons from this.

Thank goodness next door is Earthbar where I got a protein shake labeled “please drink this Lynn so you don’t die on out property” so I did.  Today was a yummy “slim shake” which obviously didn’t work cuz I look the exact same.

So there you are! Soul Cycle, try it if you hate yourself.  I’m glad I did.

Why is it called a summit?

Is it because it’s at the top of a cliff?

Perhaps it’s because if you walk down to the beach it’s like conquering Everest to get back up to the hotel.

Or it would have been if I hadn’t take the little cart

Cuz I was already huffing and puffing just getting off the beach

Oh yeah, the recap. ****** (I have forgotten to include Shelly Kramer, the most important person I have ever met.  I will devote the rest of my life to making it up to her.  Meanwhile, here’s her link!)

1. Getting picked up at the airport and driven to the Ritz by one of readers/new friend Teresa Santoro was awesome cuz she gave me a personalized tour
2. The Ritz was gorgeous
3. My room was just a few miles from Mexico and was a billion miles from every single meeting…exercise complete.  Google maps ineffective in tracking down my room
4. I waltzed up to my room and put in the key. No joy. Tried again. No joy. Wondered when I put up the do not disturb sign. Tried again. No joy. Looked at the room number. Whoops. Wrong floor, shit!!! Ran away…sorry person who didn’t wanna be disturbed
5. Loved hearing Lisa Ling BUT: to the person who stood up in the question line and then talked about herself and handed Lisa king your magazine, you’re lucky I was lazy cuz I totally wanted to bitch slap you.
6. To whomever thought of putting ring around the Rosie into play by having 19 tables of presentations every 15 minutes, please rethink this concept.  It was too loud to hear anything.
7. Also, have you ever noticed that there’s always one person at every table who turns the entire conversation to “can we specifically discuss this as to how it relates to my blog?”
8. Is narcissism a requirement? Just asked…I mean, it is all about me right?
9. WTF HuffPost and Today Show? If I wanted to trek to the goddamn beach just to show you’re important enough to trek all the way to the beach I’d probably already be motivated enough to be successful without you.  Jeez, I’m looking for shortcuts, not workout activities,
10.  Dear people who run the parties: I want beer! Not blue champagne, not Chardonnay, not a Cabernet. BEER! Is that so difficult???
11. Also, why was everything fried? This wasn’t the south, it was southern California, where were the avocados?????
12. The pool was lovely and the guac was great with the chips
13. I met lots of articulate and bright peeps
14. That’s why I love this conference for culling out the morons
15. Except for the morons who were still there…thanks for realizing I’m not friendly and did t wanna talk to you
16. I loved pitching to be on a talk show
17. Raising America of course
18. On HLN, with Kyra Phillips
19. Ok, that’ll be a separate post
20. You’re dying now aren’t you
21. Too bad
22. Great rule of thumb: talk to everyone because you never know when you’ll get a great connection for your kid
23. People seem to remember my blog name better than I remember theirs…it leads to lots of awkward moments
24. I seem to constantly meet people that I have apparently met before leading to still more awkward moments
25. Traveling with Ann Zuraw is always fun because she is forever meeting people and then asking their life stories.  Then I have to stand around like an adult and listen….arrggghhhh
26. If you are in a large room and your baby starts screaming and you cannot calm it down, please leave the room. Yeah I’m talking to you dad with the screaming baby during the ring around the rosy session in the main ballroom
27. Two beers are better than one
28. Three beers is even more preferable. Get the picture?
29. When attending a “Kentucky derby party” do NOT wear a dress that looks like a bikini in the back unless you want everyone talking about you. Yeah, that happened.
30. Do not assume that your taxi driver actually knows shit about the area he’s driving a taxi in.  He asked me to google where we were going? WAT????
31. I had a grand time…met lots of fun peeps
32. Pretty sure I won Miss Congeniality
33. Still waiting for my sash and tiara
34. I’m outta here

So there ya go! Next time you’re probably wanna go and hang with me.  That’s all I’m saying here!